BALL!

Last night we did a run through of our Thursday night plans. That is the night I get to go knit with my peeps. We tried it once but Im having a hard time remembering how long it takes to get ready and out the door..... so we met at a gas station along the way. This time it worked perfectly. G came to knit with me for about 30 mins so the ladies could say hi, then P came over after working out at the gym just around the corner. (she did the happy dance for him- so cute! you should see him glow!) I had supper ready so they went home together, ate supper and played.

I arrived home a little after nine. He had just tucked her in bed and told me to go in since she would still be awake. I loved on her and asked if she had fun with daddy. "Did you play toys?Did you have fun with Daddy?" She started signing and I thought,"yeah here we go." thought nothing of it really.(it seems like every chance she gets someones complete attention she has to sign through all 40-something signs) But she kept singing Ball and I just nodded and smiled. "yes G, ball..... pelota" She signed potty so I took her in, knowing he probably just took her.(but if you are a seasoned mother you know to NEVER ignore that!!!) Put her back in bed and kissed her. I fixed myself some supper and sat down to eat and watch the last of the seasons finale of Gray's and this is what I saw on the floor:
Took my breath away.
Tears streaming down my face........ Ball.
G had something really important to tell me.....
They played with the ball.......
Still just chokes me up.......
have I told you how much I love being a mother lately?????
really..... I do......


I remain,
Uner His wings,
Anna

Count the cost?

I was reading a few blogs this morning. One really got my goat. Another family struggling to muddle through the adoption process was asked about the cost of adoption. "isnt that alot of money for one child?"

Really?!

Let me go full circle to get to where I am right now, Many of you have followed along with us on our journey, It wasnt easy. A 3-6 month wait turned into almost two years. In Jan/Feb of this year it really seemed like it was not going to happen. The council was not going to grandfather our adoption into the old accreditiation, there were only a few slots and how could we presume that our agency would get one whenever they decided to fill them? But we knew deep in our spirits God had not said to back out. Well meaning people told us it was okay, everyone would understand if we had to walk away. Weve talked about this before. God was the one that led us to this point and we said all along we didnt have the finances, if he wanted this He would have to do it. So one by one as each little fee was due we somehow had what we needed and moved on.(read my last post) When we mailed off to get our passports we got them in weeks- unheard of! Even our USCIS approval was a piece of cake- some families have a real hard time with this one. But we kept saying that God had to do it, we just couldnt. And we even knew as crazy as it sounds that maybe this wasnt all about adopting a child. Sometimes I have found that you think God is leading you in a direction but not for the reason you thought. ;) We finally had a breakthrough and ended up....... with a sweet little girl in our homes.
Adoptions arent easy.
Life isnt easy.

We havent done the math.
I am sure once tax time comes we will know down to the penny how much was spent to bring little G home. And when I think of the total, all the things that couldve been bought with that amount of money you know what I think....... I wouldve spent even more. Because new clothes, new shoes, a new purse, a haircut or manicure... a new car..... NONE of it is irreplaceable!!!! Once you pull out of the lot with that brand new car it starts to depreciate.... it gets dirty and needs to be maintained. We spend money on "stuff" and in one year or two or three or ten....... guess where it will be in a dump or yardsale or thrift store!! (Remember what Christ said in Matthew 6:19 Do not store up treasures on earth where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up treasures in heaven where moth and rust do not destroy and thieves do not break in and steal...)

My little G....... shes a treasure.
Money cant buy what she gives me.
You just cant place a monetary value on a living breathing human being!
Think of the price he paid to adopt us into his family......

Thats all Ive got to say about that.

I remain,
Under His wings,
Anna

Writing thank you notes

Ive had many thoughts running around in my head as of late. One of the most profound thoughts takes my breath away. So many times along the way someone decided to sacrifice on behalf of our Little G. I recieved a check in the mail from a bloggy friend that has never met us in person,someone ordered notecards and slipped extra in the check to help pay for G's glasses, a family whos adoption fell apart donated their money to our adoption..... the exact amt we needed to be done. A family met us at the airport to welcome us home..... Many many people that I go to church with every Sunday sacrificed during such hard economic times to help us bring little G home. Show Hope- the memorial fund started by Stephen Curtis Chapman's family.There are the friends that pick up the phone and sacrifice time to check on us. A family in our church bought a baby gate and some extra cute outfits- the first Sunday we were home she asked what we needed and I quickly replied," we need a baby gate." Within a few hours she was at the door with one.....Instead of throwing a shower the ladies in the church took the money they wouldve spent on a gift and put it on a visa card. To get two of those on our journey was simply God. Thats the only thing I can say. They helped to purchase the airline tickets to Guayaquil to complete our paperwork and a few other unexpected expenses. There were many...... I could ramble on and on. It just feels surreal to know that all we did was say "YES" fill out the paperwork and start the process one baby step at a time. Two years later I have a beautiful daughter. There isnt a day that goes by that I dont have the thought. "it really happened, G is really home, shes really ours." How can I find words to write a thank you to these people????? I sit down to write a letter for the Church and I cannot express how humbled I am each Sunday to look in the faces of those friends/ family and know that they are part of our BIG PICTURE. The prayer team encouraging us each little baby step of the way... I am not sure how God wouldve done it without them, I know in my heart of hearts that this was meant to be and he wouldve found a way. But to know that we have recieved such a gift as this........

This girl that has so many words......
How do you say thank you?

I remain,
Under His wings,
Anna

G with her great grandpa

G reading her book with mommy before bed. "if you give a mouse a cookie with handknit mouse and cookie" - gift from a Ravelry friend, Stephanie.

can a brag a bit????

These were taken at the park on Sunday.... Had a great time!

TODAY WAS A FULL DAY!
Little G had her first Drs appt. She did so well..... we could tell she knew how to act at the Drs office. (fake sneezing included.... sigh.) The Dr wanted blood to get a base line for thyroid and the other basics. Ended up needing to stick her twice. Remind me next time- left hand! Hardly even know she was being stuck. I had a hard time figuring out which song to sing with her because all of them are game/ handplay songs.ha ha!We sang Jesus loves me. Was sweet. The Dr joined in with us. (Ive never had the actual Dr draw the blood either.)
I was disappointed though. I thought we woud leave the Drs office with all these plans and things we needed to do. I told P of my disappointment. He said it was because she agreed with everything we were doing. Its all good. Intead of being relieved I felt odd. Thank you dear husband for setting things straight and telling it how it was.
Our new total is 42!!!! THROWING CONFETTI!!!! The most exciting part is that she is really using them in context! She really is telling us her needs and even makes up signs to suit her needs. (we had pizza and G signed "more cheese bread please" WOW!!!!)She picked up a ball to throw for the dogs and was signing ball while she was trying to hold the ball!Multitasking! ;)

here are the new words:
27. candy
28. day
29 night* ni-ni
30. socks
31. Banana * (naah-naah)
32. turtle
33.horse
34. donkey
35.butterfly
36. together
37.teddy bear
38. dirty (I told her we needed to brush her teeth and she signed dirty!!! YAY!)
39.duck
40,ice-cream (helado)
41.cold
42. help

we can also add that she is trying to verbalize thank you- (Koo-koo)
She covers her mouth and tries to say excuse me shen she burps, quite frequently I might add. I think its because she drinks with her tongue. Like a baby drinking a bottle.
PLUS weve figured out that she knew head shoulders knees and toes, ring around the rosie and if youre happy and you know it...... I think I already mentioned that she knew Jesus loves me. I sang that with her in Ecuador.

sink or swim....... or float?????

I know its been while but life is so different with a toddler in the house!
We went to Orlando for a week and little G was able to meet her Paternal Grandparents. They were smitten, as well as her Aunt and Uncle and cousins. I know it was important for them to meet but find myself wondering if the trip was such a good idea so soon after we came home? Little G and I had a great time at the hotel, the pool was phenominal to say the least. Four pools linked together by a lazy river. She wasnt to sure about the water on the first day but by the time we left she would let go of me and kick her legs. (she was also busy signing water!!!)

I am still dealing with alot of emotions and feelings that are hard to give names. I think that after such a hard process I am just tired. Emotionally and physically. Then you add reality to the mix in huge doses. In Ecuador I wasnt having to cook or clean. We had a maid come in and our host did all the cooking for us. I am afraid I left my cooking mojo somewhere along the way. We have eaten supper at 8pm a few nights because I wait too long, get too busy, or just dont know what to cook. sigh. P hasnt complained. I just feel like I cant get anything done in a timely manner. Then if I am doing cleaning or laundry Im not keeping up with little G. Her room is babyproofed so she is fine in there but its hard for me to allow behaviors, which shall remain nameless, to go on without reprimand and I also feel like she needs to be stimulated or entertained. She takes an incredible nap but its hard for me to lie down when SO MUCH needs to be done!

Now....... on to the topic of affection and bonding. I am having a HARD time with others showing affection to her. I dont mind her meeting a friend or acquaintance and giving them a polite hug or such. But G DEMANDS to be held, snuggled, kissed and hugged. It takes my breath away and hurts my heart. I tend to just tell her no and explain to the person that we are in the process of bonding and learning appropriate affection for others. But it leaves me feeling guilt and such a pain in my heart to see the disappointment or questioning look on their face. These are my friends. These are people that have prayed for her. Prayed for two years with us! I know they are just aching to be a part of her life too...... Many times after two or three times I have given in and G gets her way.(not good) I am now fighting the urge to just stay home because its easier. I dont know why I didnt see all this coming, but we dont know what things will really look like on the other side do we? You have an idea, a dream. But reality sometimes looks different. Please be patient with me. I am feling like Ive been thrown in the ocean..... and I dont swim well mind you. I asked the orphanage director what she thought of all of it and she said it sounded perfectly normal. Grace and I are just learning so much together. She said to just relax and float. Im trying.......

Here are the few tips Ive been given recently. let me know if you have any thoughts or ideas as we try to swim/float through such muddy waters.

Call Drs etc in advance and explain the situation so they are aware of our wishes.(last week we had an appt and I was upset that the whole time the Dr held and cuddled her. I did finally step in when G got overstimulated and plunked her in daddys lap- the Dr insisted it was fine. Not really... for me I mean.)

Many that have adopted older children have told us we need to stay at home as much as possible in the first 3-6 months to allow little G to settle into things. These children get overstimulated very easy and have been through alot of trauma in the transition. (so maybe my fight/flight response is helping?)


I feel Fall in the air...... the shadows are growing longer and there is a breeze. Might not be cool just yet but its coming......

I remain,
Under His wings,
Anna

book review day

Time out for a book review day. I have had this job on my list of "to do's" since we arrived home a month ago.
I know.... sigh.

So here we go:

Book one: "Somewhere to belong" by Judith Miller.
This book was a difficult read for me.I kept hoping for an attention getter and just never found one. I liked the characters and the plot but I just found the story lacking in interest and Oomph. I LOVE to read and get frustrated when I pick up a book that doesnt hold my attention. I can tell you that part of me wondered if I didnt enjoy the book because the main characters are teenagers. If you have a teenaged daughter that enjoys reading - or are in your teens I recommend you give this book a try. I had never heard of the Amana colonies and found it to be very interesting Historically. I have read many stories about the Amish and we have Mennonite communities aound us. I struggled with this because there are many groups that look at the outer appearance and are legalistic. So there was inner conflict when reading this story as well. I kept hoping that as I read the story it would come together and I would feel better about the characters and the plot. I was disappointed. I am hoping that there are readers out there that will enjoy this book and enjoy the following books in this series.

Book Two: "Sixteen Brides" by Stephanie Grace Whitson: This book was also read while I was in Ecuador this summer. I enjoyed this story. The plot is well written, I was nervous because it was a plot that has been used many times. There were several surprises and I enjoyed the twists and turns along the way. I can give this story 4 out of 5 stars.

Book three: "Hearts awakening" by Deliah Parr: I want to begin by telling you that I was nervous that this book would let me down. I fell in love with the main character, Ellie, and the authors style of writing right away. I do think that she took the character Jackson's irrational behavior a bit too far. I am not sure if Ellies reaction was believable either. BUT I so wanted it to be. She was full of grace and mercy. If we could all be given the benefit of the doubt when our past causes us to react instead of thinking before we speak. I also felt like she dealt on Ellies appearance too much as well.
I cannot give away too much but there were Many many aspects of this story that made it an enjoyable read for me. I found myself looking forward to quiet moments to read. I can easily give this story 4 out of 5 stars.


Book four: "No more Christian nice girl" by Paul Coughlin and Jennifer Degler.
I was really looking forward to reading this book because I, like many others, have a hard time not feeling undeserved guilt when I say "no" to someone's plea for help in one area or another. This book was written to deal with some tough issues but I had such a hard time reading the continued saga of "Nicole" that I could not bring myself to completing the book. I know, I am a book reviewer and I couldnt read the book in its entirety.I felt the authors just went overboard when telling Nicole's story. I cannot imagine that there is a "real Nicole " out there. I also felt like I was being mocked if an issue rang true in my life.Since I mentioned that this is a topic I would love guidance on I think the authors had a good idea but felt many times that scripture was taken out of context in proving a point. The comments written in the sidebars were also very distracting for me- this may be personal preference though. I only feel comfortable with giving this book 2 out of 5 stars.

Book Five: A pilots true story "Flight to heaven" By Captain Dale Black.
I want to begin my review by saying thank you to Bethany House. This book was just so good I could barely put it down. After many books that left me feeling eh, okay... this was the icing on the cake. The story was told beautifully and kept me on the edge of my seat the whole time. I was sad to read the last pages. My favorite part was where the author shares about sitting in his backyard and studying the trees and the changing of the seasons. It was such a beautiful analogy. If there is one book that you read this year this should be it! I can easily give this book 5 out of 5 stars!

So there you have it...... being a book reviewer for Bethany house has its pros and cons. I enjoy being given the opportunity to read books free of charge. But along with that comes a price......We all have an opinion and I have to say that is one thing that I am not too keen about in our society these days.

I remain,
Under His wings,
Anna

Girl time

As you can see Grace only took 3 days to get used to the Dogs! Thank you Lord!!!! She was TERRIFIED of dogs in Ecuador.


Grace "helping" Paul change the bulbs in the kitchen light.
I recieved a phone call from a friend that has "been there" for me for quite awhile. Weve raised our kids together through high school and beyond. She wanted to meet Gracie and had a "package". Little did I know it would be like Santa Claus arrived. She saw that BIG pink bag and did her happy dance.(I was a little embarassed) Cute, special things for a sweet little girl. A baby doll that speaks english AND spanish. The most awesome drum that plays in English and spanish by leap frog, some squishy blocks that can be played with in the tub or not.... very tactile too. Rubber ducks for the tub, dora blanket and dora socks..... I commented that it was ALOT! (she reminded me that she had two years to prepare.... ha ha) We went out and had chick-fil-a and I thoroughly enjoyed the talking and laughing. It felt good to be out and about. She used to work with adults with special needs, she has done substitute teaching and worked in audiology. It was nice to get a few more pointers, reassurance and ramble about my concerns.

Ive gotten a few of these sorts of check-ups.Girlfriends wanting to "do lunch". A phone call at just the right moment to remind me to stop and smell the roses. Friends that Ive never met just sending an e-mail to ask how we are doing. Reassurance that its all "normal". Ladies.... thank you. Its funny how I thought I knew how to do this mommy thing and, well, being 40-something and Grace's special ness has taken my "I can do this" mentality and thrown it right out the window! So much that I "know" has been shaken up and stirred around and I feel like I did when I brought my other little ones home from the hospital. SO TIRED, remembering to potty every 2 hours, trying to keep on top of the laundry, cooking and cleaning, and feeling like I have to spend every waking moment sitting and playing with her, educating her, making sure she isnt lonely and getting into mischief. Yes, this may come as a shock to you. this little cutie pie has a um.... shall we say independant, adventuresome, defiant streak! (yes, just because she has Down Syndrome doesnt change the fact that she is a typical toddler. Down syndrome just means instead of saying no or re- explaining in appropriate behavior may take 100 times instead of 10!Sigh.... "Mommy isnt here so I can throw my toys, slam things against the mirror, jump on the bed, screech at the top of my lungs and top it off she fake sneezes for attention- after our 8 weeks in Ecuador sick you have to see it to believe it! AND she fake belches- this is what I woke up to at 6:30 am yesterday.( yall do remember I am not a morning person right?!) REALLY pushes me over the edge in a hurry! its not some lady-like burp of air. OOOOHHH Nooooooo she imitates her hero- her papa. If you know Paul you are probably rolling on the floor right now. I mean REALLY?! Not just one of him but TWO! "A", my daughter reassured me that I was able to teach THEM it wasnt acceptable so i will be able to with her. I am having some serious doubts...... Little G and I have SOOOOO much to learn together!( REALLY I HAVENT BEEN PRAYING FOR PATIENCE!!!!I promise!)


(And for those of you who arent Gator fans I hate to say shes learned something new: The gator chomp! GO GATORS!)
I dont know why I didnt expect the overwhelming feelings of imperfection and fatigue to wash over me like I have. But I remain thankful that we are at the end of that( out of country) part of the journey and that God goes before us and prepares the way. This part of our journey has made us strong in many ways that will be useful along the way, as we continue to run the race set before us.

I just want to be a reflection of Him and his love.

I remain,
Under His wings,
Anna

Sign language

You know me, Im going to have to talk this out..... THEN post the list of the words Gracie knows. Im jumping right in and not beating around the bush. Gracie is so smart and she has SO MUCH to say! At four and a half she is ready, past ready, to communicate. She likes having a way to express her needs, wants, desires. Mostly her signs have to do with food. ;) But food is important to a growing girl! (plus alot of the signs on her video are about food and eating.) I am seeing how the sign language and possibly being able to see better, is leadng to her actually vocalizing. She said her first word- clearly. I just about fell on the floor. Apple. it sounds like Aah-ble. But so clear! She does a little dance when I put the signing time video number three in and says "Apple apple!".
Ive been wondering..... why does this bring tears to my eyes each time I think about it? When I made up the list of words a few days ago I just sat and cried. Is it because she had to wait so long? Is it because I am so thankful that she is able to learn, a relief? Is it because as the weeks tick by she is becoming a different child???? So many deep emotions over watching this sweet child learn how to communicate. Only God knows why we had to wait so long to bring Gracie home. He has all the answers and I trust him. He knows whats best and I dont need answers. He doesnt have to explain himself to me..... He is God.
I am just so thankful that I have a part.
A small part in the big scheme of things.
I can make a difference,
loving can change the world........


without further ado....

Gracies list of signs:
1.Mommy *
2.Daddy *
3.Ashley (fist, "letter a" brushing side of face like the "girl" sign)
4.Eat (coma)
5.More (mas)she says Maaaa*
6.All gone/no more (no mas)
7.Cookie (sp? Ca-je-tah)*
8.Cracker
9.cheese
10.Juice( hoo-go)
11.water (augua- she says Wa wa)*
12.Milk (Leche)
13.please (por fa-vor)
14.Thank you (gracias)
15.sleepy/tired (dormir, con-swain-ya)hands together like praying on side of face.
16.car (carro- ca-jo with a rolled r/ j sound)
17.Airplane (avion)
18.Apple *
19.dog (perro)
20. cat (gato)
21. Bird (bahajaros, bah-ha-rrros)
22.bread (pan)
23. Shoes(zappatos)
24. Potty(el bano, el ban-yo)
25. baby
26.full (geno I dont know how to spell this I know its actually a double l which makes the g/j sound)

She says "tickle tickle" very deeply and wiggles her fingers in the air when she wants to be tickled!

She holds her hand out for your to "give me 5" "Dame cinco".

If you sing Jesus loves me she claps in time like she knows it but just cant sing it.

She knows patty cake.

She comprehends ALOT:
some helpful commands are:

"Come here" with open arms.
No tah-kay: "no touching"
To tah-kay peh-low: "no touching hair"
No bo-ca pelow: "no mouth in hair"
nite nite
no lingua: "no tongue" or Lingua el dentro (commands to put her tongue away)
dame: "give me"
see-in-te-tay: "sit"
Manos kee-er-tas: "quiet hands" teling her to fold her hands in her lap
Un beso: A kiss
en brazo: enbrace, hug


Yes, you are seeing right. This is Gracie making a fashion statement wearing the dogs dish on her head!
I remain,
Under His wings,
Anna

Drama Queen

Let me tell you folks. I am NOT being a drama Queen here. I just want you to know that International adoption is NOT for wimps. And that is what I think I am. A big wimp. But wait?! ITS DONE!!!! WE did it! Maybe, just maybe I am not a wimp. Or maybe I really am.... but God in me did it. Yeah, thats what it is! Those last weeks without Paul there I think I cried once a day. (Im serious) It just wasnt fun anymore. I didnt want to see anything or do anything fun because he wasnt there to enjoy it with us. Now I will tell you that him leaving was a very good thing. Grace and I needed some time without the big ole teddy bear there....... I mean reallly??? Why do I have to be the bad guy? It seems like this is the way it will be with child number four. She adores him. And really..... I do have to say he is pretty incredible. So it was good for Santa Claus to be on his merry way...... ;) wink wink.

But once he left thigs got hard. LONG waits in offices to fill out documents that were in Spanish with a lawyer that spoke Spanish. Getting odd looks from the people. This white American proudly escorting this child with Down Syndrome around like she was the queen of England. Days and days of this.

To sob in the driveway with Marco, and Andrea...... I had met family while I was there.They were just letting us stay in their apartment. Or so we all thought. But it was so much more. They became like family to us..... Good byes are so hard.

We get to the airport 3 hours early. Go get the ticket stuff handled and bags checked in, go pay the exit tax. Man, this is easy I thought to self. Headed up to immigrations.it was nine. Only been there about 30 mins. Yay! Then everything came to a screeching halt. The man keeps thumbing through the documents telling me they arent done correctly. 30 min later he pulls someone out of the line to interpret. Informs me that no, he wont use his phone to call my lawyer. (I left mine with apt mate since I wouldnt need it stateside?!) The nice gentleman uses his and explains the situation. She is on her way. Then two more officials come to help. ( I wont tell you the "how many Ecuadorian immigration officials does it take joke....." ha ha) the woman was actually rude and kept insisting that we werent leaving the country and when I mentioned that my lawyer was on her way she got even nastier. "when did you call her? Nine-thirty? That was 30 mins ago. You really think she is coming? We will see if you have enough time once she gets here." by then I am sobbing. Our lawyer gets there and they arent letting her past the checkpoint without a ticket. I tell them to go let her through. They do and lead her to the counter ranting and waving her legal handbook in the air. It took about 30 mins and two more phone calls for them to talk to God-knows- who. (remember I barely speak spanish) WALA! its done. They apologize and she actually has the gall to thell them not to worry about it and no problem! HA! Yeah! they OWE ME HUGE APOLOGIES!(insists the self righteous American) They hurt my feelings! They caused me emotional distress! They taunted me! Oh, yeah, this isnt America is it? RIghts? What rights?? Eric and I go to the restroom and then have to go through security. We now have only an hour till our flight leaves. We get to the area where you wait for your plane in record time. Im looking for an empty chair to wait, a guard walks over, "Are you Anna W_____?" Yes. Okay, we need you to come with us. REALLY?! YOU HAVE GOT TO BE JOKING ME? I know I mustve looked like a nutcase as tears start rolling down my face and I wonder what I have done now....... my suitcase had "randomly been chosen to be searched for drugs." REALLY???? I leave Eric with GRace by the door so they can make a quick escae if I dont return! (ha ha) m escorted down two flights of stairs, wheezing and coughing, to an outside area for my suitcase to be sorted through bit by bit.... how embarassing. Then I get sent on my way. Get to the waiting area just in time to be told they were boarding the airplane. We get to be first since Grace is "disabled".
Ladies and Gentlemen.
I am a Baby.
I am a wimp.
I confess.... this is all true and we are now home safe and sound in our litte home on the little road........

Just excuse me if I seem a little off.
It might take some time for all of it to become more of a memory.
A few more days of sweet little G surprises........

Walking around the corner to see her dancing like a ballerina in the hallway to a praise song on the radio in one of the dresses that her mommy made for her over year ago...... just took my breath away. THere wasnt time to get a piture so I made a mental one. It was all SO WORTH IT! Oh my sweet Jesus She is SO SO worth it! I am so thankful to be her mommy.Remember, we all have an adoption story. He chose us, her persued us, He hung on a cross so we could have HIS NAME! We get to live in His BIG house, with our eternal family.......

Lord, I just want to be REAL

What is REAL?" asked the Rabbit one day, when they were lying side by side near the nursery fender, before Nana came to tidy the room. "Does it mean having things that buzz inside you and a stick-out handle?"

"Real isn't how you are made," said the Skin Horse. "It's a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real."

"Does it hurt?" asked the Rabbit.

"Sometimes," said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. "When you are Real you don't mind being hurt."

"Does it happen all at once, like being wound up," he asked, "or bit by bit?"

"It doesn't happen all at once," said the Skin Horse. "You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in your joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand."
excerpt from The Velveteen Rabbit

what a busy day!

I met up with our lawyer at the court where we went to finalize the adoption on the 12th. I was to be there at 8am. I sat with Grace and we waited for a man that works in the judges office to stop what he was doing and get our file. The judge happened to walk out of his office and see Grace and I sitting there. He immediately walked over and she threw her arms up in the air for him to pick her up. He stood there for serveral minutes holding her tightly with her arms wrapped around his neck. he thanked me again with tears in his eyes. I know he said kind words to her but I cannot recall what he said. He then walked into the mans office and things started moving. God is so faithful. He hovered over the documents until things were complete and we were on our way. I know he was frustrated by our situation. He shook his head numerous times and told me as we were getting ready to leave that all was well in their office.

From there we went to the Notary again. That process took quite awhile as well. I was pretty concerned while we waited my lawyer had to move her car and it wouldnt start. I thought we were going to have to hire a taxi to get where we needed to be in a timely manner. But she assured me that if she gave it about 15 min wed be on our way. Sure enough while we waited for"F" to go complete the process the car started.

Then a long journey to get the old birth certificate voided and new certificate, an identity card and her Visa/passport. It was a HUGE office with hundreds of people in lines and chairs waitng for their turn. Grace ended up needing to go to the toilet midway through the process, MJB told me where to go and to meet her "over there where the man in the coat is" as she pointed across the room. (Paul can attest that this might not have been the best description. I just cant see well even with my glasses.)Once we compelted her business I went to the table where a man in a jacket sat in the direction she pointed and waited, and waited...... finally I got nervous as I continually had been scanning the crowd and no MJB to be found. I asked a security guard if he spoke any english and then promptly explained what we were there to do and that I wasnt able to find my lawyer. He took me to a desk and as we explained the situation MJB walks up with a frustrated look on her face asking what happened. She gave me no time to try to explain and then pointed to a chair and told me to "SIT!". I felt like a reprimanded 2 year old. Sigh.

I shudder to think that this meeting will happen again on Monday and I have to fly to guayaquil with her sometime very very soon. She speaks no english and IM REALLY trying to learn spanish!

Yes, you read right, we meet again on Monday. We got almost done with the process only to find out that Graces thumbprint was not accepted by the machines for her pasport. The machine shuts down for 24 hours. SInce today was Friday we will return sometime Midmorning or early afternoon to get the thumbprints. I asked her what wewould do if it doesnt accept her fingerprint on Monday but either she didnt want to answer or she didnt have an answer.

I was then brought back into town and dropped off 5 blocks from a major shopping mall to get a bite to eat and hail a taxi. SHe had to hurry in the other direction to get our papers turned into the council before 2pm. I dont know how long it will take for the council to approve us to leave the country.



The day ended up with my host family taking me to a beautiful restaraunt,on the top of a mtn where we could see all of Quito spread out in the night with lights twinking.... warm wine, hot chocolate and hour derves. Many toasts were made... to family.... to Grace.... and a Happy Birthday for me......I had forgotten I had a birthday around the corner!Was a perfect way to end the day esp since my BD isnt for another few days! I think I will have a birthday week again like last year! ;) wink wink! Grace signed more many times for the wonderful food and HOT CHOCOLATE! (Today's new sign was dulces, "candy". Thank God I had a small handfull of skittles left from an emergency early on in our trip. They have been helpful when my blood sugar plummets......)



Thank you for following along and for your prayers!

I remain,

Under His wings,

Anna

please keep praying

Okay, aptartment-mate was able to talk to the lawyer tonight and try to make sense of all that is going on. We still have SO MUCH PAPERWORK left to do before we can fly home. Our tickets with Delta are a week from Sunday. The 31st of July. Tomorrow I have to be at the court to complete some paperwork and Monday is the Dr appt for Grace to enter our country and Visa/ passport paperwork. From what I understand there is a waiting period to get permission to leave the country and that falls somewhere in there PLUS our trip to Guayaquil. That is a day trip, fly in the morning or the day before because the embassy is only open from 8-12 on business days. I am trying so hard not to stress about all this. I CANNOT do anything to change the situation.

I trust that God has a plan.
He knows what is best.
Money is not an issue for him and he started a good work and will complete it.
His word is true.
He is faithful.
He has taken good care of Grace up until now and doesnt need our help Thank-you-very-much.
So that is my pep talk for tonight.
I want to share a beautiful post from another family that has a heart for adoption>
I am praying this is our last weekend in Quito and I will enjoy being with our host family and the beautiful things that lie ahead.


I remain,
Under His wings,
Anna

PS The picture is of Grace signing the word Papa on Pauls photo.
Grace signed and said the spanish word for cookie after supper tonight!!!!!!
My host didnt have cookies but it was so cute she found fancy crackers and put marmelade on them! SIgning and being so adorable will accomplish MUCH! Ha ha!

a FULL day

While my new little darling is tucked in bed and settling in for a nights rest I need to type out all the events of today and a few from yesterday. Wink wink.
Last night while eating supper Grace used a new sign "full" I am so thankful for her signing time videos. She is learning so quickly. This is a huge step for her. When we visited the FUdrine they explained that they were trying to teach Grace to slow down when eating and to only eat until she was full. They were also trying to teach her that food is for nourishment, and another important thing, food can be shared. In an orphans life these are hard things to learn. ( and in all seriousness, in our own lives dont we need to learn these things. Oreos might make it feel better but really??? they are food.If I was to look to God for my nourishment and to feel better I would be alot thinner methinks)Back to last night, for her to sign "full" not only was huge because it was a new sign, but it meant that she is learning that there is a time when you can stop.... and food is still on the plate.... and that is okay!I had a lump in my throat and almost started crying. ALl day today I just kept thinking how big this really is. Its overwhelming to me. Not only have we given Grace sight with her new glasses but we are giving her words. Words are powerful. They can unlock doors for Grace.
Today I watched her play with her shadow and showed her something else. Her big sister sent a pinwheel and when the sun hits it just right it sends rays of light and rainbows on the wall. I just sat back and enjoyed her learning about cause and effect. I just sat taking pictures and watched... savoring her enjoyment over something so simple.
This afternoon a few of the people from our church visiting Ecuador to work with SIFAT joined us in visiting the orphanage. I am still processing all that happened. Grace did not want to be put down. She wasnt acting right and as I was processing it one of the young girls commented. "Ms Anna , Grace seems scared. Grace isnt acting like herself" As time went on she wouldnt go to the Tias. They held outstretched arms to her and she didnt want to be held or hugged by them. My hugging Kissing all over everyone child was aloof. She didnt interact with the other children either. Now there was one tia she went to to be held and another that bent down for her to hug on her own terms. Was just so odd. I really think she was afraid of being left or didnt want to get forgotten. Not that it was a bad place..... but maybe, just maybe she likes me? Maybe I will do in a pinch.

I now understand why they dont allow families to stay on the campus where the volunteers stay. It really is good for the children to be away and bond with their family.

Once we left the orphanage we drove to the hotel across town. We ate supper with the team and we were invited to devotion time. We listened to a few praise and worship songs and then the game began. What game you might ask.. "Pass the Grace" I am so serious. The chairs were in a circle and round and round she went. I got up after about 5 or 6 people held her and a dear friend said, " Anna share. Weve waited so long for this." The obedient person that I am.... I went back to my seat and almost had to sit on my hands! Round and round she went. Anout 30 people passing her from one to the next. I just sat and wept. Such contrast. To visit the orphanage, to watch her personality change so drastically. To think that she went from being an orphan to THIS. I kept worrying that she was being a distraction but she was an Attraction. My host family came with us to the orphanage and their daughter that is 22 joined me at the hotel for supper. She and I both started sobbing. We were both thinking the same thing. It was just overwhelming.

Of course when it came time to share two of them talked about Grace, the trip to the orphanage. I had to speak. God gives us a dream, a vision. No matter what the age it isnt too late! Follow Him. He created each one of us for a purpose, we are all beautiful. There is nothing that we can do to make him love us more. We are all adopted into the faith. He will not give up and quit chasing us, persuing our adoption. He wants each one of us to be part of the family. To rest in His love and peace.

What is your dream?
What is your passion????

what day is this?!

Have you ever been on vacation and you wonder... what day is this?
You can laugh. This is where I am. How long have I been in Ecuador? Will I EVER get to go home? Yesterday was one of those days that just didnt go as planned. I will spare you the details. Let me tell you just one, it took two days and several banks to get money out of the ATM. ;) and Our angels were watching over us. Thank you for your prayers.

We made it to Graces school late late late. But we had money and could pay the cab. I had a note to hand the office lady to request a "certificate" our lawyer wanted for the airline flight next week. One of the mothers spoke English and we plodded through the note and what was needed. I dont know how much past their usual time they left. :/ I ended up having to excuse myself to the ladies room to have a good sob. They understood the note to say that we werent going to be able to make it for our July 31st flight at least 15 more days. Once I returned to our hosts home and talked with her- my broken Spanish and her broken English we put together two and two. This was just precautionary measures in case we couldnt make our flight to avoid penalties. Well let me tell you. After all the dealings Ive had with Delta I am not holding my breath. This paper could be signed by the president himself and it wouldnt matter to them. Well..... maybe I shouldnt say that. Lets just see what happens.

Our hosts were going to take us to the beach for the weekend and I got an e-mail today saying that Grace had an appt with the Dr for immigrations. So no beach this weekend. I really dont care. I just want to go home.

This has been a good experience. I needed to know what it felt like to be surrounded by strangers. To hear an unfamiliar language day in and out. To crave all that I knew. Grace will have such an adjustment and I need to remember what it feels like. Strange bed, strange foods, strange music. Plus she is terrified of dogs. (we own 3!)

Keep praying. I just dont want to stay here any longer than we have to. I dont want to have to switch our flight date. We need prayers that our papers end up on the tops of the piles and that we can just go home.......

Also, pray for my health. I am trying to get in to see the SIFAT Dr. My asthma and allergies have been a wreck. Add that to the altitude and I just dont move very fast at all these days.

I remain,
Under His wings,
Anna

PS. Just want you to know our missions group is here and they brought a whole suitcase of love!Loving packed by our daughter. We spent the day with them on Sunday and look forward to going to visit the Orphanage with them tomorrow. Then I hope to go to the market on Tursday and see them maybe that evening. Eric saw the Dr and was put on an antibiotic. He seems to be having fun and serving with a full heart!

Randomness

I need to begin the post by letting you know that this new adventure in our life has just been so much more than I imagined.
Before we left for Ecuador I knew in my mind that I didnt want any expectations of Grace and her abilities. But lets be real for a moment. After approx two years there are expectations. Since I had set the bar so low I am dealing with a typical toddler and I didnt expect that!

Let me tell you a few of the things I love about Grace, my sweet Little G. And maybe a story or two.

- I love that she wakes up at 6am HAPPY..... the 6am part is hard for me. but her sweetness makes it tolerable.

-I love watching her dance. Grace can hear music of any Genre and she starts to boogie! And she can dance! Its so funny. (We are going to enroll her in some form of dance class when we get home.)

-I love her palms. If you have never seen someone with Down Syndrome up close let me explain. There are creases on your palm that are missing on Grace's. ;)

-She is spunky and determined. Right now that makes things challenging from time to time. I keep reminding myself that this is a GOOD thing. Grace HAS to be a fighter. If you were to watch her you would never know the lengths she has had to go to to get where she is developmentally. My friend read her perscription and what she said brought me to tears. But to watch little G youd never know it! She is a trooper.

- I love watching her "sign". She wiggles her fingers and makes the cutest noise that sounds like "tickle tickle" when she wants to be tickled. She waves her fist in the air to "potty". Just in the past few days she has gotten "more" perfected. and when she says all done you KNOW she means ALL DONE! (big swooping arms!)

- I love coloring with her and cant wait to get in the US. due to import fees plain old markers that we can buy for $1 when school starts are $5-$9. Just unbelievable!(I may ask daughter to send some with our church Missions team. She will be able to see those much better than the colored pencils I brought.

-I love how hard she works to dress herself. Not all the way there yet. But VERY close. Socks are hard for her. Holding them open wide enough for her foot to enter...

- I love when she belly laughs and her eyes squint up.

-I love how when you lie her down for a nap she falls asleep in less than 2 mins. NO LIE!!! No fussing or crying.

-I love that she cares. She makes sure no one is a stranger and even wants to kiss/hug someone that may seem stand-offish.....

_I love watching her eat a happy meal!

We were at the mall enjoying lunch the other day during the World Cup. Ecuadorians love their Football.....(soccer to us)Our of the blue the crowd of people that gathered to watch the game on the big screens in the food court let out a Whoop! It was so loud my hair stood on end. She was in Paul's lap and crouched real low. There was no way he couldve heard me over the racket so I pointed. He lifted her up and she was crying hysterically. I knew then I loved her and didnt need to worry about bonding with her. Tears were streaming down my face. She had never heard a crowd cheer before. how terrifying for her. I pray we get to enjoy many more "firsts" together.

Keep praying for our process. Weve hit a snag and I continue to lean on the Lord for strength and wisdom. Paul is afraid to share all the details since its all very political here. Lets just say the court lost her file. Not our adoption file but the file that proved her ablility to be adopted. it was filed in December of 2006 and will take weeks to re-do. Just say some prayers.

I will end with a phrase from the "Wizzard of Oz"

"theres no place like home.....Theres no place like home."
- Dorothy

Why cant I be two places at once?

I learned of a death back in the States and it breaks my heart that I cant be two places at once! Don is the borther to my best friend from high school. Kim and I have kept in touch over the years and I wish I was there for her and her parents. Just horrible. I want to respect the family's privacy but ask you to pray for Don's family, wife sons and others......

We were invited to go to the Cinema to see "To train a dragon" I was able to catch the gist of it even tho it was in spaish. I want to highly recommend it to yall but I repeat I was watching the Spanish version. I wont ruin it for you but think of me when/ if you go see it and you will know why I sobbed at the end. I was holding a little one named Lesley and my husband held a little boy named Fabian all through the movie. What a treat. The sweet little ones at Fudrine are just precious and I am loving the teachers there as well. They have a passion for what they do and they do it with excellence. My little G has been so blessed.

As Ive mentioned before.
This was supposed to be a place to share what we are up to and pics. The picture part is just not happening so here is a link. I will do it this way for yall. ;) wink wink.

Day Ten

Just wanted to tell you we have gotten three comments. One from the Orphanage," Grace looks younger". At the school, "Grace looks so happy!" and our apt room mate,"boy she sure seems at ease."

Gracie has adjusted to loving and being loved quite nicely.

Thank you for your prayers as we continued to proceed when it looked hopeless.
There are so many orphans. My heart swells when I see her sleeping with abandon.

Weve had technical difficulties and it wasnt what I planned. Getting pics on here requires bandwidth that we just dont have I guess.My son taught me how to put pics on albums on Facebook so even tho I am not crazy about it..... it has served a great purpose.

Today was our third day at school
Pappi and I are learning so much at school. ;)

Fudrine Mission Statement "FUDRINE mission is to provide an efficient service, with comprehensive support professionals who work with passion to contribute to a better quality of life of children and young people with physical disability and children with Down syndrome, to develop skills and include them into society, knowing their rights and duties."

Today we met Graces first "father".
There is a young man at the Fudrine school that earned our daughters love and trust a few years ago. David is twenty, he also attends the fudrine, I am not sure if he has CP or MS. They showed us several pictures of him with Gracie. He traveled to the US in the Fall and brought her a dress back as a gift. I am hoping that we have it when we return as a keepsake. I love the Fudrine school. The teachers work very hard with the students and they push Gracie to try harder, and to try new things.

Continue praying for our return to the States. That God has just the right Pediatric Opthalmologist ready to help us help her. Gracie is doing great in spite of her visual limitations but Oh how she will soar with her vision corrected properly!

Tonight we get to go to Old Quito and see the sites.
I hope to have pictures to post.

ANd speaking of posting, This isnt an easy job with 4 year old fingers thinking they need to "help". ;) I suppose she is trying to let you know how much fun she is having and that she cant wait to meet you!

(If you attend church at Woodbine, Let me give you a heads up that you will need to bring tissues to church the second Sunday in August after our return. She LOVES music and we had some praise music on yesterday AM. She was dancing and waving her hands in the air with true abandonment! Choked us up to say the least!)

Going back to day two

Its been a week and what a whirlwind it has been. Paul and I commented that we cant believe that its been a week already.

Grace is "blossoming". We are finding this sweet sweet place that happens when there is love. You know what Kind I mean. That pure love that we can have when Christ is at work in our hearts. Not about me, what someone else can do for me. Just pure love. that is how we ended up here. :)

Can I remember what Happened on day two.... hmmm... Oh yes. Now its coming back to me. We had to be at the orphanage at 6am. that meant up early..... if you know me you know I just dont do five. But this day. This day I woke up before the alarm. In fact you can probably count the mins I slept on two hands. (maybe not really but it felt like it) Did you do that with a new addition to the family? Just lie in bed staring at that new blessing? Ahh.... I could hardly wait to get up and moving. This was the day we got out the door and to the orphanage and came back to the apt to rest while Grace napped. "siesta" When we got to our apt our houseparents were out and we were going to ask of a reputable place to eat. NO TRAVELERS TUMMY FOR ME! Id rather starve. And we felt like we were going to! We ended up taking the taxi back to the orphanage to let them know of our situation to see if they could help. Day one they ordered Dominoes for us. he hee! Travel all the way to Ecuador to eat Pizza, then we had Chinese take out for day 2. hey, it was excellent. But I am not used to eating lunch at 4 after having breakfast at 6am.... wow were we starved. We ended up feeding Grace take out. I am wondering if that was her first Chinese food? I know sometimes the orphanage has parties and the parents or whomever is there orders pizza. (which she loved)

Here are pics from day two.
Enjoy.
And once again....
thank you for the many prayers. We have been so very blessed. I want you to know that in times that God seems far away or you feel like you cant hear his voice. he is there and will answer. Just continue to wait on him. I am thankful that we continued to run the race!

We remain,
Under His wings,
Anna Paul Eric and Grace

(if you see Nathen or Ashley and Jonathan give them an extra hug for us.Thanks!)

So I am once again having technical difficulties. I CANNOT get the pics to post. When I tried uploading to Flickr earlier it was giving me fits too.... I will try again and keep you posted. Hang in there with me!

day six

Im living life and not having time to write about it. I promise to get on top of my blogging! ha ha! Just wanted to share pics of our travels.

Each day we have enjoyed getting up leisurely and playing in bed with Gracie for about an hour. then doing the morning ritual- she love being able to take a real bath. At the orphanage she was given a bath in a sink with a bucket of water standing by to use to rinse. She spashed and splashed yesterday and today. I was wet..... really wet.

She loves "doing it herself" and its fun watching her blossom each day a little more.

This evening after our travels she watched her signing time videos and then we went down to eat a sort of oatmeal drink. Its served warm. Whole milk and the oatmeal pureed with cinnamon. Gracie drank more than I did. Our host family really showed us the sights today.

Otavalo- big market, Cotapaxi- looking in stores at the leather goods, Ibarra for Helato (ice cream). Much eating was done.

Day 2

(sorry only one picture. I have so many and for some reason having trouble getting them to load tonite.)
We are up at five and pass out at 11.
With the altitude, then emotional drain and trying to deal with the language barrier. So things were crazy and today we ended up not getting lunch until 4pm because nothing went as planned. All we had for breakfast was water and bread with cream cheese on it. Let me tell you. we were just exhausted and hungry and miserable.
And these people are loud.
You hear dogs barking all the time.
Many many strays.
So upsetting.
Then we heard loud music coming down the street and though " OH ! Ice cream truck..... nope can you believe it was a laundry service?! Ha ha ha! We can laugh at it now!

Keep up the prayers. Just lots of variables.

Let me tell you about Grace.
She is so so affectionate. Hundreds of hugs and kisses.
Today we got up earlyyyyyy.......
Got to orphanage before the start of the day.
Gave Grace her bath and got dressed.
She is pretty much potty trained. YAY!

Sorry for rambling.
She got to eat at the special table. With her parents. you could see all the other little ones looking over at the little person that gets to sit at the special table with mommy and daddy.
So so sweet.
Many were asking about Graces Mommy and Pappi.
I would bring them all home if I could.
Some esp. more than others.
Eeon a very small little boy felt of Pauls arm. Looked at him questioningly and then pulled at the hair. He was so astonished at all the hair. Was WAY funny!

We played all morning. Grace ate lunch. They eat soup with most meals. Potato and vedg soup today. Then they had rice. (rice with EVERY MEAL!) like a pickled cabbage, and chicken. She ate two breakfasts. some of ours and then an hour later what Tia Maria made. A juice "Banana Milk". She had 2 cups. Then the food was like hash browns and scrambled eggs.

So you know that we had dominoes pizza for lunch then today at 4 when we went back to the orphanage hungry. We were told to leave for siesta while Grace napped. We were to eat lunch but the owners of the home werent here so we didnt know where was safe to eat. what to do? ate a piece of bread, thank God mom sent us with peanut butter crackers for the airport so we shared those....... We had CHINESE take out for lunch.(with coke- we didnt have coffee so serious headache that two tylenol didnt touch! Come all the way to Ecuador for Pizza and Chinese..... of course it was stir fry with RICE!

Back on topic.
We saw Grace dance.
She has learned "more" and "all done" signs in two days.
This will be good.

Thankfully, Caryl was at the airport today picking up her interns and they FOUND OUR STROLLER! they dont have them here and the hills and being out of shape. altitude, is KILLING ME! They will only let Paul pick it up so we will do that tomorrow evening. YAY. I was beginning to seriously get concerned.

Tomorrow is the day out.
We will be at the orphanage very early again for the routine.
Then after lunch we will go off campus and will take her to the park.
They want us to bring her to the home we are staying at to play with the toys. (which we have none.) I looked at Delta.com and I mustve misread. We were allowed one carry on and TWO check in at 50lbs each. Well we only had one each. SO I didnt bring things that werent necessary. I guess we will go shopping for toys. And a potty thingy for the toilet. (I have one at home but I was told she wasnt trained yet..... and she is very sensitive to change and things being "just so".

Let me end by telling you that its a whirlwind.
They said she could stay the night tomorrow if we felt she was ready.
Then her going away party on Friday.
I feel so inadequate but its because she is adjusting so well.

Eric gets to go on a sightseeing tour tomorrow with our roomate!

Well, off to get some sleep.

Under His wings,
Anna