A year ago today- June 11th

Celebrations......
Sitting here at my desk clicking on photos,
rich with color,
vibrant hopes and dreams leaping off my screen
Filling my heart to overflowing
streaming down my face
wetting the soul
with joy

A year ago today,
Farewell hugs were exchanged,
Beautiful women could not speak what was on their hearts
They could not understand the words I was speaking
nor me theirs
but our eyes spoke volumes
"if you only knew how long it took for us to get here."
"She likes her cereal warm, not too hot."
"I thank you for rocking her when she was sick."
"she enjoys watching Barney first thing in the morning. Even before breakfast"
"Thank you for making sure she was potty trained before we arrived"
"She doesnt like her bathwater too warm."
"thank you for showing her our pictures and telling her of us"
"she doesnt like animal cookies" (ha ha! You know, she might have liked them then! We laugh now that she refuses to eat animal crackers, "those are orphanage food.")

You understand.
We would just stand there
tears streaming down our faces
but didnt have words to share the intimacies of raising this little one.
Yet, I feel like the Holy Spirit in us was working overtime,
teaching us what we needed to know,
interpreting.




I see these photos of my men.
I remember wishing my adult children were there.
So that my full heart could see all my family,
together,
on such hallowed ground.
Eric down in the dirt playing with little boys,
no language needed.
Just boys and dirt.
Its funny how God created us from Earth.....
How men/boys have a a lot of dirty work in life.








Darling darling little one.....
oh how I miss your beautiful face.
There are no words to express how I feel about leaving you behind.
I know many of you might not understand.
But when youve been there,
adopting one doesnt feel like enough.
It seems so so small.
I find such joy in my heart when I hear of families working hard to make the journey we made.
To hear a name,
remember the child.....
and know,
they have a mommy and a daddy
a Mami
and Papi.
Praying for those we had to leave behind........

A year ago today- June 10

This day started somewhat similar to the previous day.
E.A.R.L.Y. Wink wink.
We arrived at the orphanage to get little G bathed,dressed and fed for the day. Papa did much of the hands on. The two of them have "a thang going on". I know there are many reasons. She was raised primarily by women, the tias. They are the disciplinarians too. Men are rare and often the volunteers that come and go have men that are like Santa Clause to the children. Playing rough and tumble "I love you." games. Your men do that right?! Ive always said that the boys have a different love language. Tickle me, roll on the floor like puppies type of love. Little G was 42 dense pounds. She was wearing 3T clothes my friend. Thats a small package for alot of weight. He could lug her around much easier than I could.
We loaded up in the taxi to go to our apt for a visit. We introduced G to her home away from home. We introduced her to our room, toys, bathroom and a visit to the neighbors downstairs. We hadnt even formally met them.
I was brought to tears that God has picked this place for us to stay. Barely a week before our trip these plans fell into place. You can see the downstairs neighbors have an adult child with Down Syndrome. Then we were off to the carolina park for some bonding and supervision by the psychologist.
Walking around the park, enjoying the water boats.... the mall to eat lunch and meander.Im not sure when this clothing change occurred. I know that she fell asleep in the orphanage van as Tio Oscar took us out on the town to purchase a cell phone.We went to Baby Mundo in the mall to purchase a few things.
The psychologist surprised us by telling us that we could take G back to the apt for a nap and to play.
And get this.....
they said if she did well
she could stay the night with us.
REALLY?! on Day three?
We knew the bonding process takes 4 days on paper.
But were prepared for it to take a week or longer in reality.
I didnt know it could happen like this.
It felt so good tho to not having others following us around and to just be allowed to rest and let the relationship happen.
Of course she did well.
she really seemed better prepared for this than I was.
They had prepared a letter for us to carry in my backpack in case we were ever questioned about her.
We signed on the dotted line and were off to enjoy the afternoon/ evening.
Which included Christians birthday.(our hosts son)

Little G getting to know Andrea at the mirror in the Entry of our hosts home.


Little G meeting Sandra's sister Sylvia, and Sylvia's beautiful daughter Pamela for the first time. As you can see we needed another clothing change for the birthday party! ha ha!

A year ago today- June 9th

Remember I am doing a two month series about our trip to Ecuador.
Join us over at my other blog to see more about our second day with little G.
This is the blog where it all started.
I continue to keep this as a place where I talk more about my personal journey.

I would like to share with you that my oldest daughters divorce was final yesterday.
After four short years of marriage.
I never imagined that the 8th of June would be a day filled with such emotion. the one year anniversary of meeting our little G and this.......
I thank God for teaching about his grace and mercy.
that I learned a real, deep faith through our adoption journey to apply to my reality only one short year later.
He dispenses what we need each day.
Its new every morning.
I am living proof of this.
I know that there are much harder situations than this.
Please forgive me if I seem petty.
But this is hard.
Its so painful.
I am human,
scared of the future
messing it all up
Just leaning on the Lord and his word for direction.
begging for forgiveness when I fall oh so short.

I pray that our story continues to have impact on the kingdom.
I want to be real
life sometimes looks very different than what we expected.
I am learning grace and mercy.
Its all grace......

Under His wings,
Anna

A year ago today- June 8th

Not sure how many of you follow here and not over at my other blog.
Heres a sneaky- peek!

I just read a comment that people are having a hard time leaving comments.
Keep trying.
I just changed my settings....
on both blogs.
I didnt know there were so many options!

A year ago today- June 9th

This day started off E.a.r.l.y.
We were asked to be at the orphanage when little G woke up so we could go through her morning ritual and spend the day with her. We had gone to the Supermaxi the night before to purchase breakfast food. Basically cheese and bread, bottled water.
I wish I had taken more pictures. I felt like my camera was attached to my face as it was,
there are so many photos I wish I had,
I was busy living in the moment.

We arrived at the orphanage at six or six thirty.
We took G into the bathroom and there was a real bathtub, one or two regular sized toilets and a deep sink. The tia told me to put G up in the sink and bathe her there. She showed me how to run a bucket of warm water and once G was washed in the sink use the water in the bucket to rinse her with. I brought little Gs Dora towel and got her dry as quick as I could. One thing I really remember about being there was not ever getting a nice warm/hot shower ......and feeling so cold as I hurried to dry and dress. I promised myself I would never forget the luxury of having hot water as long as I wanted...... and not worrying about if it got in my mouth.
I brought a play dress for her to wear,
forgot matching socks so she wore the ones from the day before,
stripes and flowers- we made a great statement!
They brought out her black boots and I changed to her new Keds I bought at home. (I remember one of the little ones telling the tias that little G had new shoes)
The tia felt like little G needed to wear a shirt under the dress,
wouldnt have been my way of doing things,
but when you have women that have loved your little one for years for you,
there is a humility about it all.
I remember people hovering around us,
I did feel unsure about myself.
Brushing her teeth for the first time,
combing her wet hair and trying to not pull yet get it all out of her face.
that has been a learning process!!!!
I have taken care of many many little ones over the years.
But there is a process of figuring out each other's language.
A dance shall we say.....
I appreciated their wisdom in letting the family meet the childs needs as part of the bonding process. Feeling her rough skin and being taught how to rub her special lotion in.












We went on a walk around the campus.
It is such a beautiful place. I have more pics to show you.....
You can see a child being helped walk with a walker.
Ive heard she has a family working hard to get to Ecuador this Fall.
They actually have a preschool on campus.
The children were read a story and the tia did exercises and stretching with them. They threw, Uh I mean played with the legos and at the play kitchen. Some of the little ones had such vibrant and out going personalities. giggle giggle......




I remember all the little ones jockeying for attention. Wanting little Gs Mami and Pappi to play with them. They were fascinated by all P's hair. Little G because very possessive and it was good for us to have housing away from the orphanage for many reasons. I really had wanted to stay close by and be involved with things at the orphanage but I am so thankful that God knew how little G needed our trip to go.

A midmorning nap. those first few days were so hard on little G. Around ten thirty or eleven she would just fall asleep wherever she was. Loving a new family is hard work for such a little person!
We left the orphanage for the afternoon. We were supposed to eat lunch and siesta while G had her afternoon nap and then return in the afternoon. They called a taxi for us and once we arrived at our apartment we discovered our host was out for the day. We didnt know where to go, how does someone in the midst of Quito that doesnt speak Spanish figure out a safe place to eat? We ate our packages of peanut butter crackers- my mother sent them for just-in-case. Thanks Mom! Then some of the bread and cheese from breakfast and moaned and groaned about how tired and hungry we were.Remember we ate cheese and bread early so breakfast had worn off a LOOOOONG time ago. I just remember wanting to sit down and cry I was so tired and wanted real food. So, I came up with an idea. We hailed a taxi and went back to the orphanage. I still have the 3X5 card we used. We took blank cards so that our hosts or wherever we were could write the address and phone number for us on the card.(phone number for once we got a cell phone.) In English we wrote who it was. We get in the taxi and hand them our 3x5 card and off we went!
There we were in the office trying to explain our situation. They called for take- out chinese! We still laugh today that our first two days in Ecuador we had pizza and take out Chinese. Hey, what are you going to do? We were thankful to have food in your tummy is what we were! So little G nibbled on our food with us and we played outside. (she seemed starving anytime anyone had food.She wanted to eat hers, yours, and everyone elses! I have seen her settle in and learn that its okay to be hungry and she has learned to share her food. This is a huge step for an orphan! Dont get me wrong. The orphanage where G lived is beautiful and I know the children never go hungry.There is just a mentality that goes with being an orphan and food- trying to fill the void with food)

A year ago today- June 8th

I remember Waking up
feeling excited,
like a child on Christmas Day.
We were meeting with Maria Jose at 9am. We were up early and showered, went downstairs for breakfast with the Cruz family. Sandra had come to the airport with Caryl, our apt mate, so I know she was tired, starting her morning well before we did I am sure. Each morning she had coffee, fresh fruit and bread from the market and fresh juice that she squeezed for everyone. She had breakfast ready for her three children, husband, Caryl and us each day. I dont know where she found the energy. I could see in their eyes how much they enjoyed teaching us about new foods and flavors. Showing us what the fruit looked like and how she prepared the juice. I wanted to spend time in her kitchen learning how to prepare the foods we loved so much.
But that wasnt why we were in Ecuador was it?
Maria Jose Was late.
We ended up getting to the orphanage much later than expected. I remember watching all the concrete block homes and businesses whiz by as we made our way to the orphanage. The sights and smells so unlike what home is like.We arrived at the orphanage and sat down in a meeting room with a few of the women that oversee things. As we were going over papers, broken English and broken Spanish being spoken..... Paul whispers,"shes outside on the swing set." He is able to see little G outside playing with some of the other children. I wondered if they were taking her out to use up some of the excited energy or did she even know/understand what was going to happen that day. (I wasnt able to see her and didnt want to be rude about it. Once we were done talking business the children had already gone inside.)
This is what we saw when we stood at the door waiting to see her for the first time. My stomach was in knots.
I am not joking when I tell you she jumped into papas arms. It was love at first sight.
The psychologist was there for us every step of the way. Here she is explaining to little G that this is her family. These are the same people in the pictures that we have been telling you about. They are real.


Little G is showing us her room and her little bed.

We play outside.....




We play inside



Grace is wearing a dress I had made for her the previous year.We were able to send it to Ecuador with someone else traveling there along with a few gifts. It was just like God that the clothing I had sewed and purchased a year earlier fit perfectly.
Go figure.
We had pizza for lunch together. We still joke about one of our first meals in Ecuador was take out pizza.
We went back to our apartment for a siesta.
I clearly remember how hard it was to leave her with promises that we would be back.
Little G had no language, she played simple "repeat after me" type clapping games.
What did she understand?
can you see the harsh set to her features?

If I was completely honest with everyone I will tell you that I laid in bed that night with my head spinning and a terror that she might never tell me she loved me, she might sit in a corner rocking as the years pass by. I thought I had been prepared but the reality was scary. I didnt even tell papa how scared I was. I kept pushing those thoughts deep deep in my head trying not to let them sink into my heart.
God loves us.
He loves little G and she needed a family.
That was all that mattered.
I took each thought and gave it back to God.

Today, a year into our story with Little G I have gone through the grief, anger and depression that comes with hard realities and tell you that God remains faithful. God is good. I know that even if she hadnt made the progress that she has made I would still be repeating these same things. I am thankful that when the going got tough we didnt walk away. We had the faith of a mustard seed. After all the waiting and grief it was a reality and God still had work to do, in me. This adoption was not just about little G. She was the carrot God dangled before my nose to take me on a journey that I would not have taken knowing the tears and emotions that I would endure. I am human and this is the truth. I wanted the easy path. Sign on the dotted line and you have a little 3 year old in 3 months. If youve been reading my posts you will see that since this day one year ago little G has learned so so much. She is running jumping and signing like crazy.(250-300 ASL signs!) She is becoming more verbal, just now she brought me her cup and clear as a bell said,"more milk." no signing needed.
God is good.
No matter what.
God is faithful.
Even when we are human.....
so very very human.

Under His wings,
Anna

A year ago today- June 7th

Just in case you dont follow both of my blogs I wanted to let you see what I posted on my blog about our trip to Ecuador last year.

If you could,
continue to pray for our family,
most importantly my oldest daughter.


I remain,
Under His wings,
Anna

A year ago today- June 7th

A year ago today we spent the Afternoon in Atlanta, Ga preparing to fly to Quito Ecuador.

First we rode the Marta from the North down into Atlanta.
These next pics are of us riding the moving sidewalks all the way out to our terminal.



Here is the sun setting as we flew over the clouds.
We landed at 11:30 and arrived at our apartment late. Or should I say early? I remember lying in bed feeling like it was all a dream. P and I chattering away not able to sleep because the next morning we would be meeting Maria Jose at 9 am and driving to the Orphanage for the first time. I get a lump in my throat just thinking about it. It was really happening, we were going to meet little G after the long long wait.

Studio Sneak peek Friday

I am almost done with this small painting. I am working on adding texture to the background and I have a flower bud to add color to(the big what spot on the left.)I should have it done, but with the chaos in my life the past week it is what it is.

And in the spirit of sharing what we are doing in our studio little G was inspired after her nap on Wednesday and I was so proud of her.she was actually using her pencil holding skills like weve been learning and she started doing random circle-looking scribbles. Weve been practicing lines and circles to develop control and coordination.

A year ago today I know I was beside myself with joy as we were finally packing suitcases and making plans to fly to Ecuador to meet her...... She is a delight and I am so blessed to be her mother.

Book review: "Out of a far country"

Here goes, my first book review for Waterbrook Multnomah Books. I want to start off my review by letting you know how much I enjoy reading. I read this book in just a few short days. I think I would have been able to read it much faster if there werent issues that I was confronted with that I needed to process at the same time. (just like when I read "Though I walk on Death Row") I have lived for over 40 years without really having to think about hard topics. What I thought or believe about adoption or infertility- I was able to have children easily, the corrections system or inmates- no one we knew or loved was in the system and my husband actually worked IN them for a season, Issues like Homosexuality, alcoholism, or drug use never really struck home so I didnt give it much thought. But as I have been walking this Journey God has allowed some of these realities to hone us and our beliefs. Real people with real feelings and souls. It all started with the word Orphan actually having a face. I feel ashamed, How can one live to be fourty-something and not really know what they believe? How could I think that I could journey along and never have to KNOW the hard answers for myself. Some of these things you cant just read what a website says or someone elses interpretation of scripture and just use their answer. Its not like copying someone else's homework. You really have to get in there and read it for yourself and figure out what the Bible says.

This book addresses these things in a beautiful well-written way. It is written by a mother and son together. Both prodigals as they call themselves on a journey back into the loving arms of God. I wonder how many of us, sitting in our chairs with a cup of coffee in one hand have once been a prodigal or for that matter still are? Have we have experienced the true deep love the father has for us? The love that lets us mess it all up, make our own choices and suffer the consequences but still offering forgiveness and love. Those are the two big words.... forgiveness and love.
The main character had two parents that loved him and sacrificed so that he could have it all. He was attending dental school to become part of the family practice. But one thing led to another and he ended up in a completely different place, behind bars awaiting a sentence. With each chapter read you are able to really experience where his decisions led him on the wild chase to success, love and happiness- in the forms of drug use wild parties,drug use, and homosexuality. It is quite detailed and honest so I will warn you. This stay at home mom hasnt known the details of such things and it was a lot to process.I think that was a good aspect of the book for many reasons. When its not all sugar coated it opens up the doors for many people searching for answers and when also reading each corresponding chapter written by his mother it continually remind the reader that we are all someones son or daughter.You and me.... as well as The ones on the street corner, in jail, strung out on drugs looking for their next fix, In a shelter for the homeless or abused, those struggling with homosexuality. They are all someones "somebody" and they just might have a mother or father or perhaps a community of people on their face before God fasting for them. His mother never gave up and truly allowed him to hit rock bottom without trying to fix it or make it better. She trusted God work in his life, not her.Her journey really spoke to me, This is the kind of mother I want to be. I appreciated that her sons journey was not just his, but hers as well. She found a real applicable faith,where at first she had none, through his struggles. (as well as his father)I think that exposing all of the details also helped me see the true redeeming work that only God can do. No situation is hopeless. God will never ever give up.
I appreciate that the book also has a discussion guide. Its a journey, and it might be helpful for those in the middle of a hard place. I believe that this book has a beautiful place and I am glad that the publishers have seen the value of this true story and allowed it to be heard, I am thankful for the family willing to share it.I give this book five out of five stars.
If you would like to read the first chapter of this book I have included a link.
*I received this book for free from WaterBrook Multnomah Publishing Group for this review as part of the blogger review program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: "Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising."

Art is fun!

Yesterday little G woke up from her nap and snuggled maybe five mins. She promptly marched over to her easel and started coloring! I guess she woke up inspired. Papa and I thought it was pretty funny.

I need to start looking for a play kitchen and cookware. She has been dragging her kitchen stool to the stove to watch her reflection while she cooks. Waving her arms in the air and explaining each ingredient and step..... do you think we watch cooking network????

Our thermometer said 108 degrees yesterday but I think it ended up in the sun at some point. On the news they said it was up to 100. It was really hot. I wonder if little G is going to bring me her suit again today???? I might have to join her. ha ha!