Tuesday, January 24, 2012


Grief and pain,
like layers of an onion.
He lets us heal as we are ready,
little bits at a time,
stripping off the layers
tears coursing down the cheeks.

A dear friend shared this analogy during our long waiting,
the dark waiting time, of our adoption.
Last week our adoption agency Director posted
she was not accepting paperwork
for new adoptions in Ecuador due to the lengthy process.
The red tape.
I started to type out a glossed over f8book response, and literally.

Could. not.breathe.

The circumstances
and emotion surrounding our airport ordeal
washing over me
then those first few weeks......
then months.......
like it was happening
(Add to it the fact that we had gotten the note the day before from the IRS that we were being audited.)

Then God.


I am changed.
(That was the plan.)
Even tho I sat at home "feeling it all."
I have learned
there has been a transformation.....
this time my response to the panic and overwhelming grief is different.
I put little one down for a nap,
laid my bible in my lap to read,
pulled out my latest knitting project,
the praise music drawing out what was true,
hot tea soothing.
(and my friend called, I pray she could tell that even though I was rocked by emotion, it wasnt getting to me. I CAN do this! Only through Gods grace and mercy.)
This is not what it would have looked like "Before".
Some people think Religion, faith, belief- means you are weak.
Oh, I have seen the opposite in my life.
It has changed me.
If it wasnt for the new way of loving,
I wouldnt have chosen this hard-made-full-of-grace-walk.
Really. Who goes out of their way to choose this.
It would have just been hard.
Remember the verse I mentioned yesterday.
This verse shared at our "health and Wellness " meeting,
and seeing it again today. (with the beautiful verses surrounding it!)

3"You're blessed when you're at the end of your rope. With less of you there is more of God and his rule.

4"You're blessed when you feel you've lost what is most dear to you. Only then can you be embraced by the One most dear to you.

5"You're blessed when you're content with just who you are—no more, no less. That's the moment you find yourselves proud owners of everything that can't be bought.

6"You're blessed when you've worked up a good appetite for God. He's food and drink in the best meal you'll ever eat.

7"You're blessed when you care. At the moment of being 'care-full,' you find yourselves cared for.

8"You're blessed when you get your inside world—your mind and heart—put right. Then you can see God in the outside world.

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