Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Okay, so can I blog twice in one day???

So I am wondering if its okay to blog twice in one day?

(I guess I'll know if the blogging police show up at my doorstep.)

I just had to post pics of the sweetest little Angel. My story with Victoria started back in July two years ago. She has many health conditions CP, and infantile spasms to name a few. I took care of her from infancy until the time she was 8 months old. We thought we were going to be her parents. But God had other things for her future. I was invited to be at her adoption today and was so thankful I chose to "do the right thing". ( go and experience this beautiful day of celebration instead of staying home and licking my wounds) She even spoke out when the judge asked about signing off on the adoption papers!
Victoria holds a very special place in my heart and I am so thankful she has so many caring people in her life. I am so glad that I was able to release My desires for her, my hurt over not being her mother, so that our "little G" can have a family. Painful yes, but we have to open our hearts to love the way we have been taught. And we all know in loving someone you also become vounerable. I pray I have made a difference in this families life, in Victorias life......
God used her to teach me things about myself I never knew, and truthfully things I wanted to ignore.


Waiting.... This is the place I find myself.
Choosing each day.
Seems like each minute, to trust God.
Choosing to enjoy the blessings God gives me and not let the good things get swallowed up by this black cloud hanging over my head. Knowing that He is God and not me. Taking that big-ness to heart and letting it pour over me instead of the lies and condemnation. Those things are not true and I have to choose to apply God's word to my heart and know he is working it out on our behalf. He hasnt allowed us to know or see what is taking so long. But that doesnt mean that it isnt HUGE.
I choose to not let this thing eat so much of my emotional energy.
I choose to wait.
And be patient.
My faith is bigger.
Gods grace is bigger.
SO if you see me on the streets remind me.....

Wednesday, June 10, 2009 Im expectant!

Well I thought youd enjoy me laughing at myself.
Today I spent an hour on the phone trying to get through the USCIS phone system. They claim to have operators through the hours of whatever and whatever to address questions you may have. Well I tell you, I tried but I couldnt get through the system. I tried really I did.... My husband came home early to find me in tears. How can I fill out MORE paperwork if I cant figure out what the answers are they are seeking?! Then I cried while talking to my daughter about it. Twice today before 3pm. Shoot that gives me seven more hours! I could end up dehydrated before bedtime at that rate!!!!
A church friend asked me if there was anything she could do to help. What was wrong....
My reply: "Hormones. Remember, Im expectant!"

Sometimes you just have to laugh at yourself to keep from crying......

I have been known to laugh and cry at the same time.........

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Living today

Well June is here.

We have been having exciting adventures that involve new engines in cars and RATS!

That has kept me busy and kept me from spinning my wheels worrying about things I cannot change. We are still waiting on the council for news about our referral on our adoption. We did get our fingerprinting done on the 21st of May and enjoyed the trip to Metairie,La, French doughnuts, and a stop at The Shed in Ocean Springs,MS.(heard about it on Food Network!) The fingerprinting only took15 min for all three of us so it turned into a fun day away from the grind. We received our Approval on our fingerprinting in only a week so we are one step closer to meeting our new daughter.

So one thing I am learning. Just to live today and enjoy today. I know I have learned this once (maybe twice before!) I cannot make this adoption thing happen, I cannot change the wait. But I can change me and how I react. There are some days that the adoption is my focus.... not good. God needs to remain my focus if I am going to please Him. I cannot reflect Him if I am not focusing on him can I? So, I need to refocus and enjoy today- my routine daily tasks. Just like when my teens were babies and I felt lost in cooking, cleaning, changing diapers, and wiping runny noses. Those are not mundane tasks to be checked off lists. Today is a gift, I am still raising the next generation of my family. They are teens but they still need me to be available.(not distant and preoccupied!) I know this, just a little refocusing and a reminder........