"Bring The Rain"
I can count a million times
People asking me how
I Can praise You
with all that I've gone through
The question just amazes me
Can circumstances possibly
Change who I forever am in You
Maybe since my life was changed
Long before these rainy days
It's never really ever crossed my mind
To turn my back on you, oh Lord
My only shelter from the storm
But instead I draw closer through these times
So I pray
Bring me joy,
bring me peace
Bring the chance to be free
Bring me anything that brings You glory
And I know there'll be days
When this life brings me pain
But if that's what it takes to praise
bring the rain
I am Yours regardless of
The dark clouds that may loom above
Because You are much greater than my pain
You who made a way for me
By suffering Your destiny
So tell me what's a little rain
So I pray
Holy, holy, holy
Is the Lord God Almighty
Ive listened to this song by Mercyme several times since it came out and never really heard the whole nitty-gritty message of it until yesterday. They were on the radio promoting their new CD.....
It was pouring where they were in California.
It was pouring where I was...... literally and figuratively.
Driving down the road hearing these words.
Soaking them in.
And letting go of that little piece I was trying to take back. Each and every day , gosh can I be brutally honest? Like every hour. Every second. Taking and giving. Giving and taking. Why cant I just rest in this waiting place. Why is it so hard to let it go and walk away. Just let God be God.
Do I really trust HIM.
Oh I want to.
I want to so badly.........
I had the most incredible conversation with a friend yesterday. I am sure I mentioned it in yesterdays post. I need to talk about it again. I didnt know that as soon as I hung up the phone with her my precious daughter would be calling me with more horrible news. In the conversation with "D" God was not only working in me with where Im at but PREPARING me for what lies ahead. This pain this hurt is being used as we speak to enable me to KNOW deep things. To have them in my heart- not just in my head.
To learn scripture as a child and hear the stories growing up is one thing. (Its a vital part. ) But then when we actually are using that story as a correlation in our own life......
History keeps us from making the same mistakes that others have made.
History is a voice calling out in scripture." Someone has been there and this is what it was really about." This is recorded not to be "a cute little story" about a whale actually swallowing a human being and spitting him out on the shore.... cute picture...... great little board book to read to our toddler......... but what is this story doing for me as an adult?
That story says:
God is working.
God is real.
God is persuing us.
He created each one of us for a purpose.
He will chase you down and actually go as far as to make a whale suck you in,
youll live to tell the tale-
You are gifted, dont run from the gifts and talents, own it.
Own the pain.
Those people out there may not look like you,
may not speak your language,
they are still Gods children
living in sin- in this case
or needing unconditional love
or perhaps needing a family
you my friend
were created for just this purpose!
As I want to run from the rain in my life. Just stay inside and draw the curtians. As I want to hide this pain. As a sister. As a daughter. I have to come to a place of letting go of the "safe places" in my head and be real in front of others. They have to see the real pain and the real work of God in me. Maybe they wont be so afraid of expressing their real pain and we can learn from each other and be there for each other. I have to embrace this pain. This pain and journey will not leave me where I was. Others may see me and feel sad. I had a friend comment on the picture of me on FB and here and how it didnt even look like me because I wasnt smiling. There are so many things in my life that I am laughing about and loving and smiling about...... but I needed that picture to show the deep thoughtful me. Its okay that I am not who I was. "D" and I discussed that in the end Job was restored. But she asked me about restoration and what did that mean. She knew her answer. She knew what Jobs story was saying to her. I am so glad that she could say that restoration isnt "all put together and looking like I did". Part of me died in that. God restored me , but that doesnt mean that I am the same.
That brings me to this last thought,
I am not the only one grieving about our situation.
That hurts me.
But yet that comforts me.
I am not alone.
I go to my daughters home and little Gs pics are on the fridge- a place of high importance! There is a frame on a table with a different picture of little G. She helped me a whole week get the room and mural painted just so. SHe is taking classes to be a special ed teacher and we shared so many mother /daughter times of what we were going to do once she was home with us.
I have a 20 year old son that hurts so to see his mother weep and grieve and know that he cant make it better and it makes him MAD.
The almost 16 year old son...... We just dont talk about it much. I cant tell you what its doing to him.
Our church family.
I hate that they have to watch this.
I feel so vounerable.
He loves me.
He loves P.
He loves the orphans...... my sweet little G.
He loves you......
Copy these verses if you are in one of those rainy places and I pray they will bring you comfort and encouragement. As they are me......
1 Peter 1:6-9