Tuesday, February 21, 2012

Valentines Day and loving.....

I have something to share

We celebrate love, and loving this month,
and I want to celebrate the love in Adoption....

Bloggers talking about PAD- Post Adoption Depression.
If you are getting ready to adopt
have adopted
know someone......
please share this post
Because I have linked 6 blogs
sharing what I am getting ready to say
all with different words.
But its all the same.

Mamas willing to talk openly about their experiences.
Its hard to admit, "I know that that feels like."
Its hard to say,
" I love this child, but not like I loved my Bio children."
( how I felt in the beginning)
I felt like there was something wrong with me
because I wanted to feel it,
I couldnt share-
process the reality
much less find words
spoken out loud.

the unknown........

you really are happy,
you really do love this child.
But its not what you thought it would feel like
the sleep deprivation
the culture shock
and the fear of what tomorrow
or next week,
or next year
might look like.

The fear just has a way of robbing you of the joy.

"Hey, you WANTED this, you wanted this child."
"Weve listened to you talk about this for years.
I dont want to hear your reality."
these comments, never spoken, rang in my ears.

Deep inside the mama wondered,
if this child will ever say,"I love you."
But willingly goes to a random stranger at an airport,
or the grocery store
and holds arms wide
to be picked up.

And you just want to stay home
because its easier.

And this child trusts you,
but you arent sure if you trust yourself.

Who is this child?
I am supposed to be her mama?
What is her favorite color?
What is she feeling?
What is she thinking
when all thats before you is a child rocking to her own rhythms,
and grinding her teeth.
And you try whispering Spanish sweet nothings into little ears
and it sounds so foriegn in your own
this is not what," I love you." sounds like.

You start learning a new love language
a new way of loving
(pressing I love yous into each others heart)

Then prayer.....
and time

(This is feb 2010)

and more time.....

I can breathe better now
now that its all in the past

Its easier on this side,
I now KNOW
she will learn
she is smart
she will tell me she loves me
She will shower me with kisses.
We will learn together.
We will start talking in that new language
and she will learn I dont like mornings so much,
I will learn
Her favorite color is purple.
She loves rainbows,
and butterflies,
and routine.
We will laugh together
and cry together.
And share desserts
and colds.....
And it will look and feel very very good.

You dont have to do it on your own
Even if you are afraid
Trust yourself.
Ask for help.
Keep sharing about hard places
telling our stories
Because if there is more than one
we each can find comfort knowing
we arent alone.

Under His wings,


  1. Yes, it is HARD! And, I think for me one of the hardest parts is that because we CHOSE this, somehow we're never allowed to complain bout any of it. Well you know what? I chose to have every one of my bio kids too, and I still complain about sleepless nights, chronic diarrhea, and surgeries. See, my adopted kids are really no different than my bio kids. I complain about them all equally. :-)

  2. Leah, this is a beautiful analogy. thank you for stopping by and for leaving a comment. I would visit your blog and say "hello" It seems to be locked. Blessings.

  3. Oh, funny - I was just going to ask you if you'd seen Leah's post this morning! It was excellent, too, talking about much the same thing. Thank you for your honesty - I hope many people listen. While I'm not an adoptive parent, I have tremendous respect for those that are. I know it can't be easy, but people have to remember that there are good parts and bad parts and frustrating parts with being the parent of *any* child, bio or adopted.


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