Hydrangeas

Love begins at home,

and its not how much we do......

but how much love

we put in that action.

                                       ~Mother Teresa

Yesterday while Lil G Was napping

I pulled out my new camera

and went looking for God.

I know that I can see Him at work all around me

It only takes a moment or two

a pause in the movement,

noise, to do lists.

Just time to be still......

open my eyes

and look for things that

 unless you make a point of "seeing"

you might miss it.

 I was once again reminded a few weeks ago

that need to take pause,

you just dont know from one day to the next

I am human,

I get used to one Sesame Street blending into another,

(two every morning)

one Olivia,

Bowl of dry cereal and 2 cups of juice

(half water and half juice )

Dressed for the day-

every other day is bath day.

Music till lunch.

Play games and read until nap.

Naps from 2-5pm.

Up asking for snack:

Specifically,"Orange bowl.Crackers. Juice." she signs

while watching a video or two

mommy is starting supper.

Eat supper at 7 when papa gets home.

play.

Ice cream at 8:30

Dressed, teeth brushed, potty ,story time.

prayers.

Bed at 9:00......

each weekday is the same.

Literally, we laugh when she strolls in at 8:30

knowing she is going to sign "Ice Cream. Bowl."

Until the seizures started.

It was like the whole daily grind 

 put in a box

shaken not stirred.....

I have been working hard on finding "normal"

holding tight

 to the people,

  and rituals in my life that steady me

the rhythms of prayer and quiet when I can.

Slowly but surely.

Its good.

Happy Birthday to You!

One of my favorite things to do is sing Happy Birthday!

Happy Birthday USA!

(wearing a new top my mommy made-

idea from Pocket full of dreams .

Heavily modified FYI)

Whats in my Studio?

Linking up today with Studio JRU and Sneak Peek Friday.

Here is a little painting I did the weekend we had flooding,

it had rained for three days straight.

I got out a sketch book and thought I would just doodle.

If you were to head over to Alisa Burke's blog

you will see some awfully adorable

and inspiring doodling going on.

She is actually offering a doodling class.

I tried to use what she was doing as a springboard

I started with this.....

                                                     

       it was a little tedious so I moved on and started this

           I really liked these color combinations

I loved these purple cone flowers

I have coasters that I keep wanting to copy a bit

so I tried my hand at them......

some more doodling.....

                                                           and  you saw this......

I really appreciated the doodling because it loosened me up some

just gave me the courage to try something real

something that was "me"

my style......

One last thing Ive been creating.....

a baby blanket.

There are two young ladies from my church that are expecting.

Ive picked neutral colors since the sex is an unknown.

This pattern was created by the lady we roomed with in Ecuador.

Im lovin' it.

For all of you that have shared sweet comments,

prayers and concern.

Our sweet little G is doing much better.

I am not sure how I am going to blog and create

our new normal doesnt leave me with much mommy time

I am trying to figure it all out still.

I am remaining ever so thankful that we found the right meds

and that the horrible side effects are no more

leaving me with my darling little one

and no seizures!

Have a blessed creative weekend!

Some very good moments

 

Today was the first really good

normal sort of day in weeks.

I was quite apprehensive to tell you the truth.

Spend the afternoon at the pool????

Well..... okay.

 I made sure we had our own vehicle

 in case we had to make a quick getaway.

We ended up having a blast!

Stopped for ice cream on the way home.

Lil G wet down for a nap.

it was short and sweet.

now she is up eating her snack and watching signing time.

Its been a hard few weeks. 

But the moments that are good are becoming more frequent

and the days dont seem quite so long.

I am happy to report that our Lil G 
is really doing well on her new medicine.
We havent had a seizure 
since starting the loading dose in the hospital.
and now the side effects seem to be a thing of the past!
that was my biggest concern,
the medicine doing its job
 yet loosing her personality 
and easy going happy go lucky nature.
didnt seem like a very fun trade off to tell you the truth.

We returned hom from the hospital 

 to find a pink pool on the front porch.

it has been put to good use 

and has lil G's stamp of approval.

Looking high and low

Im sorry for my absence.

 I've been searching for something

Someone

Very valuable to me.

 For a week now

 things have been turned upside down.

The days started off so abnormal

 I felt like the ground was constantly swaying beneath me

Internally it was if I would reach my hand out to grab

 something to steady me

Something

 Someone.

 Like someone searching for

 lost Car keys,

 cellphone,

 A drink,

(ive been loosing everything!)

 I have been watching my beautiful little G searching,

 To find some little parts of her

that bring me comfort.

A mischievous twinkle in her eye

Dancing to music,

signing or words,

 Laughter Like wind chimes twinkling in a gentle breeze.

Constantly on alert.

  Is that a seizure?

 Is that you? 

 Is this what tomorrow will look like? 

 Have I lost you forever?

 Will the medication rob us of our lil G?

 I keep positive, Commenting, "No seizures since Thursday."

 Focusing on the positive.

The fear rearing it's ugly head.

 Now it's not the seizures robbing us of normal.

 But the medication.

  Will you just come and go from now on?

With each little glimpse of the girl I knew on Monday,

 that came and went on Tuesday

, Almost like a game of peek-a-boo on Wednesday.

She totally slipped from my grip on Thursday

 and then started reappearing for a few minutes here and there by evening.....

 I'm learning to take things maybe an hour at a time.

 Normal.

  What is normal?

 We speak of a "new normal"

what if I don't like it?

If I had known,

What would I have done differently?

 I would like to say that I had been "all present".

Available.

 The regrets,

Striving for perfection.

They won't get me anywhere positive.

 I am doing better

 finding a huge sense of relief

when those broken moments are longer.

The laughter ringing in my ears are a balm to my soul.

 The hints of hope that I won't loose her for good.

 That maybe just maybe we will get our little G back.

  Maybe the "new normal" will be new and improved?

 In the midst of this

 I am learning a new level of compassion.

 There is something that happens in a mothers heart and soul

 when a child goes through something of this magnitude.

 God, for some reason wanted me to know how it felt.

 So I could say the words, "I understand." with real passion.

There were moments I felt like a dead man walking.

 Yesterday for instance as I went to the store

looking for something,

 anything

 she might eat or drink.

Something that would settle her tummy

 so she wouldn't feel so agitated.

 I walked by the card section

 hot tears sliding down my face.

 The knowledge that none of the fathers would get fathers day cards

 because we were in crisis mode.

 I asked the ladies restocking the shelf

 if they might have some leftover

that they had put in the boxes on the floor.

  they were rude.

 How could they know that it felt important to me,

 to show the parents that weren't supportive of our adoption

 that having her wasn't going to change anything.

 The need to prove them wrong heavy on my shoulders.

Wanting to show them

Their worries /concerns were unjustified.

 Learning a new level of grace.

Savoring the moments.

Being thankful 

 choosing to find God in the midst of it.

trying to treasure the good moments and not let the hard questions

the unknowns

rob me of the little joys.......

PS. I typed this earlier this morning while G was napping.

She woke up more like herself than I have seen all week.

not going from one strong emotion to the next...

an out of control roller coaster.

I let her play in the pool gave her a bath, 

manicure-good for wild hands

and let her watch TV with big sister.

Shes asking for rice, cook, kitchen.

maybe the new dosing is helping already

this is looking so much better.......

Lemonade tastes best on hot days

Lemons and lemonade. Today we hae a diagnosis so I can share. We spent all yesterday in the ER. Was frustrating to get home not having any answers. Not being able to sleep, knowing morning would come With the ticking of the clock, Each moment was one closer to the unknown. What would tomorrow look like? It started with two seizures instead of one.... Then admitted into the hospital this morning for a whirlwind, Yet very blessed day. Papa was still home getting ready for work He has seen seizures up close many times. I had never seen anything like this in real life. (when we took care of Victoria , her infantile spasms looked nothing like this) Papa sent me out of the room at one point because I was doing no one any good at the moment. Thankful for my opposite. Wink. The neurologist and our pediatric dr were awesome. The EEG looked pretty bad. But we are praising God that the MRI was good. We started her on Iv meds this afternoon She just received her second dose. I can't begin to explain the relief we felt To see our little G return to us this afternoon. Our princess. She is sleeping soundly next to me. It is such a comfort. I wish I had a picture of it to post. Take my word for it. It's beautiful.

Lemons? Make lemonade

I don't have pics today. Seems like the adventure continues. Updating you on Graces IPad to let y'all know we've had A long, hard day. I've been woken up two mornings in a row by Unusual "altered mental status" with lil G. I really didn't expect this, But my faith tells me tha nothing, Not one thing, Takes God by surprise. There is a new local children's neurology clinic They will be calling tomorrow To schedule tests Praying we have a diagnosis That we can find good treatment To help our baby girl. I almost don't want to go to bed, Because I know that next Will come morning. It's a helpless feeling I don't like it. I remain, Under his wings, Anna

After the rain

Rain is grace; 

rain is the sky condescending to the earth;

without rain, there would be no life. 

               -John Updike 

its rained here for 3 days.

lots of rain.

and flooding.

It was nice to get outside

(even tho it was like a sauna).

these two pictures prove it.

this is what happens when your camera lens fogs up.

I really love the happy accident.

Every dewdrop and raindrop

had a whole heaven within it.

                      -Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

I am crazy for hydrangeas.

I was so excited to get out and see what colors they were.

look at the incredible purple spots.

This red/ pink was a clearance hydrangea.

I cant wait to nurture it 

and see the show it puts on in the years to come.

Eventually I will have plants everywhere.

On a limited budget,

plus having a brown thumb.

It takes time......

My wisteria even decided

 to sprout a few surprise blooms

I woke in the night and remembered this photo.

This is going on my list of faves.

this is just beautiful,

I love what the sunbeam was doing here.....

I didnt edit/crop any of these......

they were taken on my point n shoot.

Cant wait to take classes with my new camera.

(I didnt want to get it out in the damp drizzle)

I know these photos after the rain 

might not seem "beautiful or glorious"

to the rest of us.....

But for a young man

 thats worked for what seems like forever to him

it is......

and to the mommy-person that has shared her car.

It is.....

so happy he has his first set of wheels.

(I'm not sure if he liked the fact that I called it cute?!)

A real frog strangler

We have had fun today.

 A gully washer. 

A doozie of a storm.

 My husband calls them, " frog stranglers." 

13.13inches in one day.

 I stayed home, 

Watched Olivia the pig-
with a cute little someone of course!

Listened to the  Dogs whine and cry at the thunder and lightning

 Husband went to town to work out at the gym and get dog food.

 Let's just say he come home telling me knitting was cancelled.

 In my little VW Jetta we'd have needed a tow truck for sure.

 I stayed home and knit on my baby blanket and doodled In one of my new sketchbooks.

 Was a great day.

 If you'd like to waste some time you can go to our newspaper link to see photos sent in by locals.

 Mind boggling to see places you know under several feet of water.

Two years ago today

Two years ago today,
We were in Quito, Ecuador.

 Two years ago today
I woke with the excitement you feel when becoming a mother again
 No matter if its number one or number four....

 Two years ago today we paced the floors
 waiting for the moment.

 Two years ago today
 we arrived at the most beautiful orphanage,
Our little ones first home.


Two years ago today,
 My husband whispered in my ear,
"I think that's her playing on the playground"
As we sat in an office talking with the psychologist.

 Two years ago today
 we met the most beautiful little four and a half year old spitfire,
She ran into her papas arms-ready to wrap him around her little finger.
Then immediately to her brother, ever willing to use her feminine charms on the menfolk.

(Welcome- Mama and Papa!) 

(lil G and Papa )

(Lil G and brother- see your family. The people in the photos are real! 

No more waiting, your family is here!)

(dedication photos)

(with big sister)

(Lil G and Papa)

 Two years ago today

 we started on a beautiful journey,

 Learning all about grace -

 with a little g and a big G.

Yarn along and a book review - or two!

 I am hoping that pretty soon I will have my mojo back.

Like, back for reals.

I havent been able to get with the program 

since the wedding,

and family emergency trip, 

and sons graduation....

I have so many things on my list of 

"to do's"

but Im barely hanging on by a thread.

Getting some reading,

and knittng,

housework and cooking,

and playing.....

lots of playing

done around here.

But thats about it.

blogging has fallen way down on my list of importance.

I usually link up with Ginny on Wednesdays

for Yarn Along, and sharing what I've been knitting and reading.

Much to my amazement its Thursday already!!!

That means tomorrow is Friday....

I was linking up for "whats in my studio" on Fridays.

I will have to see if I have anything to share.

I do have wedding tidbits Ive been wanting to share with yall

plus Ive gotten some really nice photos taken with the new camera.

So stay tuned. I might actually post two days in a row......

Ive cast on for the Pamela's blanket.

The pattern is on Ravelry and was created by our Room mate while we stayed in Ecuador.

Kinda ironic that I know of two babies being born between now and Christmas

and I pulled this out from while we were in Ecuador.

Two years ago today we were on a plane headed to Ecuador from Atlanta.

Two years ago tomorrow we met our Little G for the first time.

I know.......

doesnt seem possible does it???

Lets move on before I get all mushy.......

Id also  like to share photos of the Shawl I cast off last week.

I named it my "Stained Glass Shawl"

The pattern is free on Ravelry and called Berger de perse

I was able to block it out on Friday and share it at knitting group on Saturday.

Im pleased with it- its a miracle that its finally done.

With the wedding I can only giggle that I started it in January.

Isnt my oldest daughter a beautiful shawl model......

Part of linking up with Ginny is telling about the books we are reading.

I like to save this time for the book reviews I need to do.

I read "The Fiddler" by Beverly Lewis this past weekend. 

I had it read in three days.(it woulve been less if I hadnt had other things on my plate too!)

I was so excited to get chosen by Bethany Publishers to review this book.

I had seen that Beverly Lewis had a new book soon to be released but knew the chances of reviewing it were slim to none. Ive read many of her books and love her easy style of writing.

This book did not disappoint me.If I was to nitpick it to death I would say that I didnt like how everything was "neatly tied with a bow" at the end. I felt disappointed after reading the story that many of the bigger points of interest were worked out in the authors mind and we were given an overview at the end.

I did however  enjoy that the author took two young adults of totally different cultures

 and pointed out similarities.

Since I have children in this phase of life I am already trying to remember what it felt like to be wrestling with faith I was raised with, and how it was going to be part of my life. How was I going to do this respectfully?How is the advice of other adults in my life going to affect the choices I am making? Will I choose college or careers that I feel led to pursue or let others opinions sway me?  I enjoyed seeing how the characters worked through these thoughts and feelings while I am in the midst of watching my own young adults do the same thing. Of course there was romance thrown in there for good measure but I wont give away any of the plot so you can read it for yourself! I will give this 4 out of 5 stars on my rating scale. 

The other book I read recently was "Chasing the Sun" by Tracie Peterson. I have read several of Tracie Peterson's books in the past few years. I was glad to be given the chance to read this book as well. I enjoyed that this story was written from the standpoint of a son having to "choose sides" in the Civil War- I have not read many stories written from the view of a Texan during that time period and found it very interesting.. I enjoyed the Characters and the plot- who can resist the thoughts of a young woman being transplanted to a different state, left to fend for herself and her two younger siblings? I thought the author did a good job of having protagonists and conflict that was woven through the story. I was surprised by the ending though since I knew that this was part of a series, I thought that she would have left some loose ends to carry over leaving us in anticipation waiting for the next book in the series to be published.  If you like a good Historical novel you might enjoy this one. I am giving "Chasing the Sun" 4 out of 5 stars.

Id like to close by thanking Bethany House publishers for the opportunity to review these two books.The thoughts and opinions written here are completely my own. I was not given any compensation for writing these reviews,only sent a copy for review purposes.

Fun hangover continued.....

Hi friends,

 I hope this week finds you doing well.

Im praying Im on the mend finally.

Yesterday I went to my Dr appt and was there for over 2 hours.

The sad part is that I did take up a lot of the Drs time.

Not much of it was spent waiting.

She ended up researching my history to figure out when I have done this each year,

what antibiotics were used

  how many times theyve put me on steroids.

I didnt like this Nurse practitioner the first time I saw her

but Im allowed to change my mind.

right?

 I  liked that she didnt just prescribe the typical meds

then shuttle me quickly out the door.

She noticed a spot on my arm that I have been nursing for over 8 months.

(It looked like a wart to me)

I figured if they didnt biopsy it then 

I would spend the next two weeks fretting about the procedure.

(Photo from: http://www.guardian.co.uk)

She put me on all the necessary meds
 to get my allergies/ asthma under control

(I felt like I was buying everything in the pharmacy!)
  I should be feeling much better in 5 days or less
I was told to get plenty of rest.
I can do that.
Still feeling like Ive been beaten with a bat.

Im sure it doesnt help to come home from the wedding to find
Lil Gs closet and room carpet flooded
thankfully it was the A/c drain clogged
 illness,
 company....
I steam cleaned her carpets Monday
we ran the dehumidifier but it wasnt getting it dried quickly enough
I was able to load her closet yesterday.
Used that time to put the rest of the long sleeves in donate or storage piles.
Put more toys in the closet......

Does anyone have any ideas about the process of unloading toys because of the process

not actually playing with them
but dumping
Every
single
thing
within reach
just cuz?

She does a perfect job cleaning it when told.

Its just super annoying.

especially when you want to put a pr of shoes or socks on

 and cant find them-

and end up taking 15 mins on a wedding day

15 minutes you dont have

only to give up and put Sunday socks on

instead of the special ruffled wedding socks.

Right now Im putting baskets of toys in her closet

under the guise of "rotating the toys".

that way there arent as many.

Im just so tired......

My oldest helped with cooking Dinner last night thankfully

if itd been up to me Id have just crawled into bed without eating,

just one foot in front of the other.

Under His wings,

Anna

"fun Hangover " Day 2

            Id really like to be moving quicker than I am.

I thot Id share the photos I took of the rehearsal dinner.

I apologize for the quality.

I still have so much to get done on the down hill end.....

there are tablecloths to find and wash to get back to the church.

(The Brides family ran out of table cloths and we improvised with the ones from the rehearsal dinner.)

So the table cloths are at the brides mothers house.

then all the beautiful things we borrowed from the florist and event planner.

They are at their house too......

A truckload- literally
I was so tired by 6pm on the wedding day that we just said our goodbyes
got in our truck
and went home.

The brides family was left with the  all clean up
I felt horrible about that
but there wasnt much more I could do.

I decided to have a country buffet dinner.

the rehearsal dinner was simple

but nice.

The food was incredible.

 I am thankful for family and friends that quickly lent a hand those three days

doing tasks I thought I could do.

               

 For some reason I lost my Superwoman outfit
in the midst of the chaos.
So many things didnt get done,
things I spent time making didnt get used.
But I am savoring all the goodness
and treasuring all the wonderful parts in my heart.

Today I am still sore

my body feels like I have been beaten with a bat

Ive called my Dr and they will see me at 2:30 tomorrow

Ive had a list of blood work and tests she has wanted to run

maybe a year ago by now.

I havent been able to bring myself to a place where I want a diagnosis.

There may not even be one for that matter.

But I think tomorrow would be a good day to wake up

put "my Big girl Panties on"

and at least let them do the bloodwork.

Baby steps.

I think I will ask for a B12 shot while I am in there.

This feels pretty durn close to what I felt like when I was recovering from Lyme Disease in 2006.

I know I have had allergies/ bad cough for 6 almost 7 weeks now and think I have pushed the envelope.

Today is Dance class and I will find a chair to sit and watch my lil G do her favorite thing.

Dance.

I remain,

Under His wings,

Anna