21 for 31

Okay, so I just signed up to blog the whole month of October.
I know, I am laughing too! I mean really, I can do things.
I can do some things fairly well.
But blogging. Not so much.
SO here it goes. Ive already gotten behind because, well, we werent a family with a loved one that had Down Syndrome last year. So I didnt know.......
So last year this time I was the excited parent to be. The excited Adoptive parent to be if you want to be technical about it all. Stars in my eyes. Ink not yet dry on the application form and fees sent. "oh, she is so special you will have her home by Januruary." But we are dealing with a third world country. New Hague laws. And newly elected officals...... Fall turned into winter turned into Spring turned into summer and now I smell fall in the air again. The newness and the excitement are mixed with a dull ache. A "little G "sized hole in my heart. The empty room ....... the clothes....... the toys. Waiting for a sweet little girl that has captured our heart.
The first pictures we saw of "little G" were the cutest ever! Such big eyes....behind such big glasses, cute little waterfall on the top of her head.(you know that little bunch of hair) She aged six months from that day to the next update we got all in one fell swoop. Then the months have ticked past and she has learned so much. She is now walking and drinks from a straw. (part of her therapy is to blow bubbles with the straw in her drink Im told)
I just got a new update yesterday. new pictures. New stories about a little girl that visits me in my dreams........ sigh. I dont get as excited as I used to when we got a new update. TO see how much she has changed hurts. I WANT her to be making milestones and learning new things. I just wanted to be part of the crowd cheering her on.
We are supposedly so close as far as the paperwork is considered. But her country is so far away. And weve been in this same place, waiting since April. (and were told then that we'd hear something within two weeks )
I am tired.
I amWeary.
Iam Worn down.
Yet.... still trusting that this is where God wants us.
And here I will remain until we bring "little G" home.