A BIG thank you!

I wanted to take a few minutes to blog today.
Typically I dont on weekends.
I want each of you to know how much I appreciate
Your kind words
understanding
and prayers.
Many of us have never met
and may never see each other
this side of eternity.
It warms my heart to know
that somewhere
a prayer might be being lifted up
on our behalf.
For husband
mamma
Little G
Her 2 big brothers.....

But most of all
Big sister
and Ex- husband.

I know its hard for you to understand
they love each other
its a difficult situation for everyone.
Tomorrow we will go to church
come home to change and eat lunch
and start loading boxes into a trailer
for daughters new journey.
she wont be just 3 miles down the road and its hard for me to know
that I wont be "on the way" to anywhere now.
Its only about 30 mins away so I really shouldnt complain.
Im really not,
I am thankful
this is a good thing
and deep down
I know it.
Its beautiful to see Gods hand in it all.

I will keep you posted how things progress.(job and house situation)

A totally different topic,
Little G had ear surgery on Tuesday and I was finally able to talk with the audiologist. Got some questions answered and agreed to fax papers from previous appts with other Drs office/audiologist to her. I hadnt read them before the appt at ENT because it was a sealed envelope I picked up on the way to the appt. Came home and set it aside to file. But as I scanned the papers and read them, I think I have found all the answers we needed. It was already determined that it was permanent hearing loss, therefore she needs hearing aids. The tests were to be redone to determine how to set the levels on the hearing aids. Go figure. I will ask her to call me again on Monday. I think that this new information should seal the deal and maybe we can finally take the next step. I am just praying that the audiologist agrees.

I remain,
Under His wings,
Anna

What Ive been creating

Its Friday, I cant believe it,
yet so glad this week is OVER, little Gs procedure turned minor surgery, the frustrations with that on Tuesday, my birthday on Wednesday, and then yesterday.....
in other words Im starting out this post saying that I havent taken the time to nourish this creative side at my drafting table this week.
The only creative endeavor has been my knitting. I have a project swirling around in my head which will take me places I havent been in the fiber arts world. Dyeing yarn. When we were in Ecuador adopting little one last summer our roomie told me about the most incredible boutique like store in the Mariscal near gringo-land. ;) yes its really called that. I brought home a natural brown and a natural white, its not a pure white mind you. When I saw this pattern on Ravelry I knew that this would be what I used that yarn for. I am thinking of dyeing some of the white to an indigo, then a steel blue , and sky blue varegated yarn. I am thinking before I add the dye I will need to figure out the size needles I will use and how much is used to knit the cross on each square so I can see how often the color needs to change in the skein to give me close to the results I want. I might be over thinking the process but tickets to Ecuador to purchase more yarn dont come cheap and I would love this to be something that reminds us of the year we went to Ecuador and brought our little blessing home.
Yesterday I helped oldest daughter pack. It was so very hard. Her wedding dress was hanging in that closet. At its where she had crammed the wedding gifts that were personalized. I did a painting for them and thought I might bring it home and have it re matted to change the color. I wrote the scripture on the Mat board in calligraphy and never liked it. I did it in a line across the bottom. The others I have done have the verse in a circle around the painting either on the watercolor paper or mat board.So that is wandering around in the creative spaces too. I may even trade hers for mine. She always liked the one with the cross in the middle better than the one with the butterfly. (I love them both!)
Continue to keep us in your prayers.
Her ex-husband most importantly.
My heart is so so broken over all of it.
What a sweet young man.
He will have a empty home to come home to.
Its a very hard time for all of us.
All I know is that we are growing spiritually through the hard stuff
and Gods hand is all over it.
I only hope I do it well.

If youd like to see more join us over at Jens blog for "studio sneak peak".

I remain,
Under His wings,
Anna

A year ago today- July 29th & 30th, 31st........

The day started of very very early. We got up before anyone else and hailed a taxi to the airport to fly to guayaquil. I had no idea where to go or what to do. But I did it. The filght was pretty short maybe an hour? Once we got off the plane we went to a restaraunt at the airport for breakfast. I had gotten good at figuring out what to order so that little G and I could share a meal, it was just easier that way.(if you get orange juice you might want to ask for sugar. Its really tart.)
We were picked up by the sweetest lady that works for our adoption agency.She actually spoke English and had things planned out just so. She told me how our day would go as best she could and was patient with this weary adoptive mommy. She drove me to the Embassy and was not outwardly frustrated when the guards started going through my diaper bag/backpack packed for the day. I had no idea that there was a list, a HUGE list of things that could not be taken in. Things you would bring if you had a little person and would be flying on a plane and gone for a day trip....... I had to use my inhaler to prove what it was, take batteries out of camera, empty her water cup,put on my lipstick....
I could tell you every.little. thing.
But I will spare you.
I was clueless.
We ended up taking all the parts and pieces and cramming them back in the backpack for her to walk back to the parking garage.
I know what foriegners feel like now.
I know what it feels like for your personal space to be invaded and not speak the language or comprehend what was going on,
to feel disoriented because nothing felt familiar.
Alot of it is a blur.
I remember waiting for a long time, getting an appointment to return at 3,
somewhere in the mix when she was gone I was told there was no way it would be complete until the next day. I didnt have money for a hotel room or arrangements made since I didnt carry large amts of cash or our bank card. I had brought nothing for a say the night and had return tickets for that day because I was flying back to America.
DO you hear me????
I am going home.
I just wanted to go home.


Little G and I waited in the Lobby at this hotel all afternoon. We ate at the beautiful little restraunt in the lobby. The quiche was incredible. I shopped in the touuristy gift shop and bought most of my favorite treasures there. If I couldve I would have thanked them profusely for the comfortable air conditioned safe place for my new daughter and I to wait. It was humbling. But I thank our lawyer for knowing the position I was in and already telling me to wait there and she would return later that afternoon for us to return to the Embassy together.

When things arent what you expect God is still there.
Ive learned it.
I pray Ive learned it well.

our lawyer resturned early
she was giddy because it was done
she drove me to the airport and told me to ask about having our airline tickets transferred to an earlier flight.
It worked and We were able to fly back to Quito right away.
We got back to the apt and were so glad to be one step closer to returning home.

On Friday the 30th, we spent the day packing and getting ready to fly out the following evening. Sorting through all of little Gs things to leave what we could for the orphange, potty seat, you name it.
We had talked about doing touristy things.
But I was spent and could only think of getting home to my family.
If youd like to read more about the chaos and pandemonium at the airport read my first blog post once we arrived home.You just wont believe it. Satan fought us tooth and nail. Up until the plane was loaded..... I kid you not.
My son was competing in a Body Building competition in Mississippi the same evening that we loaded on an airplane. They would drive all night to arrive in Atlanta as our plane was landing. talk about tired. I couldnt see straight and that is not an exaggeration. We had dear adoption friends that asked us to come rest awhile in their home. We didnt have a choice but to accept the offer. Mama Papa, Big sister, her husband and Eric all crashed and burned while little G happily played with people we had never met in person, but would have never met little G or made it through the journey without. I love a good ending. It started with her hearing my request,"does anyone know of a little girl in an orphanage in Quito Ecuador with Down Syndrome..." TO her family being one of the first stateside to meet her.
God is good.
God is faithful.

Little G -
It is the perfect name
oh how sweet the sound
for my sweet little girl
she once was lost
left in a hospital & taken to an orphanage-
without a family,
but now shes found!
born with cataracts-
she once was blind,
but now she sees............
unending love,
Amazing grace.........

Today and A year ago today......

A link in case you dont read my other blog.So you can read about today and
a year ago today.......

Well if memory serves correct I Was busy trying to get airline tickets to fly to Guayaqil . I had thought our legal helper was going with me for some reason. But no, Little G and I were loading up on an airplane to fly to guayaquil to go to the embassy alone. Me afraid of heights, terrified of flying, not adventuresome in the least.....

If you are working with Joshua Tree adoptions and adopting in Ecuador. Please stay tuned. Read between the lines. Make mental notes. E mail me or the Director and ask LOTS of questions.

I can tell you without hesitation,
"I CAN do ALL THINGS through Christ who strengthens me."
No ifs
ands
or buts.....
Only through Him.

I remain,
Under His wings,
Anna

I KNEW it!!!!!!

I just have to share so that you, my dear friends and readers, can rejoice at the hope within me. Right now, its just a glimmer, juuuuuust a glimmer but I needed it so so badly......
and "I AM" knew,
He knows me,
created this heart,
and he knows my human -ness,
this flesh that holds me down to the earth that it was created from
and it will turn back into......
Like cold water to a weary soul is good news from a far off land (proverbs 25:25), or translate it to my here and now " a good text from three miles away......."

The school where my oldest did her student teaching,
the school of her dreams,
posted an opening for this Fall.
I got the text at 11pm.
I KNEW it would happen.
I could feel it in me.
God HAS a plan.
She was struggling with how it "looked"
with human eyes
not with spiritual eyes.....
Take this step and five more to follow
eight pages of application
scan documents
documents you dont have
documents that cost
more money
more time
more humble ness.
More walking with empty hands
yet I had a hopeful heart.
So glad she could hear me
"just call the principal.
She knows you.
Remind her how much you enjoyed your time there."
(there was talk of two new positions opening, two teachers on new journeys)
Take that BIG step
that looks so small on the outside
but feels so so Big on the broken inside.
"I believe in YOU. I KNOW God has a plan. Wait on Him dear one."
She was created for this.
My beautiful home school girl.
I JUST KNOW IT.

Please join us in prayer that God once again shows himself BIG as she leans on Him.
So she can join her mama, " my story with little G sounds like this, when it looked like all hope was lost, when I felt like I could.not.go.on. God showed up. He heard my call...... he cares so much about my tears that he collects them!!!!" She will be able to tell others in hard places, "I didnt see my life looking like this. I kept hitting roadblocks and on the outside it felt impossible. But God showed up."

If you too are in a hard, tough situation,
wait on Him,
be in community with others that can hold your hands up when you cant any longer like Aaron did for Moses...... its hard. I know. Ive been there.
But I know Gods word.
Its true.
Cling to Romans 8:28
"And we know in all things God works for the good of those that love him."
He will show up,
we dont understand His timing.
But He has a plan.

I remain,
Under His wings,
Anna

A yarn along post

~ Two of my favorite things are knitting and reading, and the evidence of this often shows up in my photographs. I love seeing what other people are knitting and reading as well. So, what are you knitting or crocheting right now? What are you reading? Take a photo and share it either on your blog or on Flickr. Leave a link below to share your photo with the rest of us! ~ Ginny at Small things




While away on vacation last week I was able to get my stockholm scarf knit up for my sons fiance. After a rocky start I was relieved that the nine hour drive there plus another knitting session the next two days I was able to check it off my list. Then on Friday I started a baby gift. I hadnt brought my knitpicks needles with me so ended up purchasing a set of bamboo straights. Yes, I was desperate.
The books I have in my reading spot are "Where will you go from here?" by Valorie Burton and "Upside" by Bradley Wright Phd. They are both review books so we will shall see how much I enjoy them. I really ignored "where will you go from here" each time it popped up on my review list from Waterbrook Multnomah, but I think it will be just what the Dr ordered considering what our family has been through the past few months. I am hoping that once I am done my daughter will read it. I think it would be a great read for her especially but I cannot make her be willing to read/hear what she might need.
She is an adult
and sometimes......
well
How shall I say this
we avoid what is good for us,
maybe I am just speaking of the two of us?
Or maybe you too have been in a hard place
and experienced the same thing?
lalalalala I cant hear you!!!!!!! (as I plug my ears firmly!)

I suggested that our Tuesday Morning ladies group read "One thousand gifts" by Ann Voskamp for the next session and sent a link to the leader. She was so excited about it that she decided we would start it THIS session in the Fall!
And guess who she wants to lead it......
you got it!
Me!
I said "Yes".
Shaking in my shoes,
Yet,
knowing with ALL of me
God can
and DOES
use our broken selves and humility.

I remain,
Under His wings,
Anna

A year ago today- July 27th

A year ago today we spent the morning re-doing little G's fingerprints for her Cedula. We had gone through alot of drama.

Papa had been gone a week,

our tickets to fly home were for Saturday the 31st

and we still had to fly to the Embassy in Guayaquil for her visa.

I was pretty emotional by this point

to say the least.



these two photos were taken the second trip to the office- the previous day to redo little Gs cedula card. There had been a robbery and the people were outside waiting to be allowed in. Many were not happy about the situation. (rioting??)We were allowed into the secured parking lot because we had a special handicapped card. The officer went in and we were told we had to return tomorrow.

Sooooo....Today was the third trip across town to this office.

It had been arranged to manually take her fingerprints since the first times the computers locked up.

The next thing we did was get her passport/visa. We ended up leaving to get lunch from the passport office since our facilitator/legal help had to rush documents. What better than a happy meal to celebrate progress made???



The last thing to do before flying to guayaquil was the Drs appt. That was scheduled for the 28th. The Dr was very nice and thorough. Our facilitator kept showing off at how many signs little G had learned in the short time she had been with us. IF they could see her now.



Our hosts decorated

and had a cake for me to celebrate my birthday. (they had taken us out the previous weekend to a beautiful restaurant in Quito overlooking the city.)I ended the day by getting on the computer and using Vonage to talk with my family back home.

It was a great day.

Tired

Im off to take a nap but thought I would share a linky over to my other blog since I posted there.

Learning.....

It seems like little G has alot to teach me.
THis morning we had a "procedure". I hadnt gotten worked up or put out a news bulletin about it because they werent going to put her under anesthesia and we were just having ear wax cleaned out and hearing tests done.
All went well until the anesthesiologist came in. He said they WOULD put her under since they were working around her head and he wouldnt be able to keep the mask/ gas on her. They brought in some meds to make her sleepy before they took her back. You could tell when they started working. One min she was on, the next off- she slumped over in half. Pit.i.ful.

The hospital is part of Nemours and used to children, they were ready to put her in the wagon to take her back but I told the nurse if she would like she could just carry little G back- little G prefers contact. It took longer than we were told it was. Dont you know each time someone walked in the waiting room mama looked to the door way to see if it was the Dr. We got a laugh about it once he saw us. He explained that her ears were unresponsive to the sound so he lanced the eardrum to check for fluid. The Left ear had fluid so he put a temp tube in that he said would fall out eventually.(hoping this would help with hearing?) The audiologist explained the tests somewhat and the results. She said the noise is pumped into the ear and then reactions in the ear are measured as it comes back out? They couldnt get good readings on either ear. They discussed redoing all the tests again, first we will schedule follow up appointments
I replied, " I hope you would understand my frustration that we started this process in January, I have told the Drs what I am seeing and I want little G to make prgress with her speech. A year ago she had NO LANGUAGE. She only made guttural noises and played handgames. We now have a vocabulary of over 300 words and she is trying to speak." (she was shocked at how many signs G has learned and I am not sure if she understood that little G has good thought process and speaks CLEAR words. SHe is able to communicate thoughts and feelings. I am not perceiving things wrong. Granted she regresses when we are in public and she is trying to be the star of the show, she would rather play patty cake ten million times than carry on a conversation or answer questions.) I just dont know. After I mentioned this the audiologist mentioned a device Ive heard of, Little G would wear headphones and I would talk into a microphone. I would really like to talk with her face to face and not be in the waiting room surrounded by people, then called by the nurse that little G was waking up....... I will call and set an appt. She said it might take a few weeks to get in. sigh.I have to remind myself that we did learn more about her hearing loss so this was worth it.

Once we went back,
Oh man.
I cannot tell you how distraught little G was. her eyes swollen closed and kicking and flailing her arms. RED in the face, nose and tears streaming. It was like this for an hour. Mad as a hornet. (I texted friends and family asking for prayer after 30 mins or so) Thankfully Sesame Street came on and she had started having moments of lucidness. It got alot better once the nurse took the IV out. I guess now I know the possibilities.
I am better informed
having been there
and done that.
But I dont have a solution and I am frustrated.
The audiologist seemed glad that we were going to have IEPS done and such for school. I am not over the moon about getting more people involved in our process. Little G regresses so much when in public situations.....but she does need to learn acceptable behavior in public, she needs to learn how to behave when I am not around. There is no other way around it all. I hope everyone in my life can continue to offer me grace and mercy,
its just out of my league.
I have a meeting with the Director of our Private school and we are going to set the ball in motion.
We will see where we end up.
We will be in prayer
and will make the best decisions we can make with the information presented.
Off to take a nap.

I remain,
Under His wings,
Anna

A vacation

I have a few summer vacation pictures to share.We drove the nine hour journey to see Grandparents and aunts uncles and cousins.It seems like every sentence out of Gs mouth ends with pool. Very cute.

I was able to get some knitting done on the trip, I guess one good thing about sitting in a car for hours on end. I will post pics of my knitting on Wednesday.

The trip was uneventful. Little G got to spend time with family and we made two trips to Ikea! YAY! Ive already tried out my new pressure cooker and 3qt dutch oven. Giving the dutch oven a spin again tonight with a dutch oven bread recipe tonight. I will let you know how it turns out. I know dear husband will love coming home to the smell of bread baking in the oven.

I didnt expect to be computer -free for a week...... But it was rather nice.


Let me close today by sharing this incredible article written by a Brother. Little G adores her older siblings. I know without a doubt in my mind that they would go to bat for our little G just like this guy has.

Not to worry

Just wanted to let you know we went on vacation and I ended up taking a week off the internet. It wasnt something I planned on but it is what it is.

Hope you are enjoying your summer.
I will post tomorrow to catch you up on the happenings around here!

I remain,
Under His wings,
Anna

Friday July 15 2010

What a beautiful day! Another party at the Fudrine!!!You can see that little G started the day off getting all dressed up for a party, she kept admiring herself. This time the party was in her honor- it was a farewell celebration for our little G! Our host took me to a little bakery to purchase the most beautiful, yummy cake. It was topped with real fruit and there was fruit betwee the layers. moist and sweet.





Her sweet tooth was screaming......




darling Lesely


I have said it once before and will continue to say it, " Any pair of shoes she has on are her dancing shoes." You turn on the music and its like flipping a switch, she starts dancing. Oh how I love her!



definately tired once we got home!She could barely wake up after her nap.

The people that loved our little G before we did,
they hold a special place in my heart.
I am sad that being adopted took her away from them,
that her past and future doesnt blend together like ours does.

Under His wings,
Anna

the still small voice

Quietly urging,
whispering the truths.
Having to stop
be still to hear it
folding the hands
waiting
closing eyes
breathing
the voices
noise playing over and over
loud
in my head
laundry,
home schooling,
supper, what am I going to cook
I cant forget to pick up the dry cleaning
unwanted guests
as I search for
I am.
frustration
why does this have to be so hard?
Then,
grace and mercy come running in
scooping me up
to dance
with faith.
How long has it been
since we played together?
I sit down
savoring the music
and laughter
still echoing
in my mind
dripping like honey
deep into my heart.
Savoring its sweetness.
Allowing Him
to speak the truths I need to hear
drowning out
everything else
Perfection
pride
the ones that keep me locked in chains
unable to create
stealing the dreams
robbing me of joy.
-Anna W.


heres what was going on this week:
Still reading through Rory Noland "Heart of the artist".
(This one will take time.)
Read "Handle with care" by Jodie Picoult
Once again a page turner!

Was able to close up the toes on my socks.
Will be gift to sister, headed to Germany.
Celebrated little ones "gotcha day"



Dealt with some heart issues.....
Met with a friend for coffee-
discussed the next step.
Afraid of my broken ness-
trusting God to use it for His glory.

I remain,
Under His wings,
Anna

A year ago today July 13

This was one of my favorite days in Ecuador. I think because I was relieved that we had gone to court and one huge thing was done. Papa was able to fly home, drive from Atlanta to Tampa for a big meeting the following day. I was so worried about his safety. Plus he had lost 20lb while we were away and had an unhappy tummy. Come to find out it wasnt from something he ate while in Country, I had bought the meds at the pharmacy in Ecuador to treat him, but it didnt help. Once he was back home from his meeting and saw his Dr they discover his thyroid meds were off due to the weight loss. That will do it.

I was doing my best to keep it together and not get any more homesick than I already was. We walked down the road and hailed a taxi to the beautiful park. Got cotton candy, walked to the mall and ate lunch and just had fun together.
It was just what the Doctor ordered.

I pray that as you are enjoying our summer you are taking time to make memories,
carve out time to seek Him,
look for His hand in all of it
the messy
the broken
hold those that are dear to you
take time to check things off the lists
but also take time to nourish yourself
and your friendships,
enjoy some cotton candy
or something even sweeter,
His word
to nourish your soul.

Under His wings,
Anna

Gotcha day!

Today is a special day,
It marks one year ago that We went before the judge and swore that we would treat her as one of our biological children.(you can read more hereits an incredible story BTW) With tears streaming down my face, "Yes! Yes we will!" Its been a beautiful year.








Little G with Papa, not knowing this was Papa hugging her goodbye before he got in a taxi to start his journey home.

I remain,
Under His wings,
Anna

July 9-12th 2010

This is down near Gringolandia, we had to drive there to get Papers notarized for Paul to fly home once we went before the judge. I needed a power of attorney to finalize the rest of the adoption without him.
Papa wasnt feeling up to par so brother and I took little G to the park. I loved how the Kennedy sector was built. All the streets dead ended with a circle. Along the middle was a section that had a walkway and small playgrounds ending at the main road with a water fountain. At the other end was the building where the market was. All we had to do was walk to the end of our street and there was the park. What a novel idea.
God really had his paintbrush out this evening didnt he?!

This was July 12th. Our "Gotcha day". We are headed to court with MJB. We didnt know this but we had a translator meeting with us there. He was such a nice guy.


If you havent read the story before you will be amazed at how we fought tooth and nail to the day we loaded the plane to come home.On this day when our time came to go before the judge a storm erupted. Lightning was striking all around. There was not a storm like this the entire time we were there, only on this day. Wouldnt you know that after we had answered his questions and shed a tear or two, the judge started typing up the information in the blanks on his computer, the power went out. We sat and waited and waited. Nothing.I had a deep terror in my heart. What were we going to do? Papa had a ticked to fly out that evening. I thought, there is no way we are going to be able to get the papers done, He is going to want us to come back, in a day or a week to complete the papers. I was praying with all that was in me. God knew our situation.Then the judge stood up and went into another room and walked back in with a manual typewriter! I kid you not!!!! He sat down and loaded the forms in and started typing them out. I can remember us all laughing about this and the lawyer telling me this was a miracle.This is a "Historical Event!". She said. I remember him having a kind face and a warm heart, judge number ten. He actually belonged to the same denomination as we do. I think of him often and wish he could see little G now.

I have learned a huge faith lesson.
I had always thought that if God called you to a path it would be like they say,
"all the doors opened up for us".
We knew
without a doubt in our mind
that we felt called to adopt a child,
most importantly
a child with special-ness.
It was just something that you know
that you know deep in your spirit.
But I had an illusion that things would just fall into place if it was Gods will.

This was not true.
I have been pondering the whole process since day one and I know that Gods hand was still in it. I am not sure if others needed to see us make up our minds and fight for this little girl, to see how much he loves us and how far he would go to pursue us, to adopt us into the family. Maybe one day here on earth or when I meet Him I will understand the whys. But I do know He wants us to see Him move mountains. He wants us to know
We are all that important to him.
No matter what.
There is NOTHING WE DO to make us worthy
or not.....
He loves us.
THE END.
I will never be the same.
Our adoption of little G was not just about adding to our family,
or little G having a home.
God had some faith lessons we needed to learn
and she was the carrot he dangled before our nose.
Please join us today,
thanking God for grace and mercy.
Being thankful that His plan is bigger than ours,
thankful that when the going got tough
we continued to be quiet and mindful of Him.
Praising God for our little G.

Under His wings,
Anna