Can I make a difference?

Im sure youve read this poem Im sharing today.
I was lying in bed sobbing.
P and I were discussing a child we had to leave behind.
I have to know we are making a difference
even if its just one.

A man was walking along a beach upon which thousands of starfish had been washed up. Left on the sand by the receding tide the starfish were certain to die as the sun dried them out. The man also saw a boy picking up starfish and flinging them back into the sea. Planning to teach the boy a little lesson in common sense, the man walked up to the boy and said, "I have been watching what you are doing, son. You have a good heart, and I know you mean well, but do you realize how many beaches there are around here and how many starfish are dying on every beach every day? Surely such an industrious and kind hearted boy such as yourself could find something better to do with your time.
Do you really think that what you are doing is going to make a difference?"
The boy looked up at the man, and then he looked down at a starfish by his feet.
He picked up the starfish,
and as he gently tossed it back into the ocean,
he said, "It makes a difference to that one."
~author unknown

Family & fun

Today is Sunday and Ive mentioned that weve been having our young adults over for supper. With everyone working and doing their own thing I just needed to set a time and ask everyone to put it on their calendar. Sunday evenings with Mom and Dad. Tonight Im cooking new potatoes, Green beans and Honey Mustard pork roast with bacon . This is the second time Ive cooked this and let me tell you its super easy, very flavorful...... just an incredible meal.

Grace loves football. I am sure before long she will have her favorite teams picked. Its funny, the TV goes onto football and she comes out of the woodwork squealing and yelling.(cheering for whoever is playing at that given moment.)


Tomorrow afternoon we have a long awaited Opthamologist appointment.
They special ordered contacts for Lil G.They will be worn for 30 days at a time. Everyone asks how we will get them in her eyes but I tell you she really trusts us and is so so easy. We will be fine. I will be so so sad to not see her wearing those cute pink glasses. But the Dr said she would give this a try if it was her child. It will open Gs range of vision from right in the middle of the lens. I want this for her.

Together

Yesteday
Lil G I went to have coffee with a friend
and her daughter showed up....
extra blessings for me.
This was a great adventure.(I know I used to take things SOOOO for granted. Going for coffee a treat!? giggle) Ive been staying home and "cocooning" with lil G so much that these outings are such a treat. I have to remind myself tho that G was raised in an orphanage and she gets over stimulated very very easily. She hasnt been out alot since weve been home so these adventures are starting from day one since she was adopted. We took her to school, shopping you know, the odd stuff while we were in Ecuador.But let me tell you...... she gets wound up tighter than an 8 day clock. The noise the people... its alot for a little person. I just found it so enjoyable to sit back and enjoy my coffee (heavenly coffee BTW) while G engaged with these two trusted people. I had to be the interpreter but you know Im really okay with that.(makes me feel needed, important.) She played the little hand game that we grew to dread in Ecuador. The first few days that was all she could do/ or say to us two claps(are you watching me and copying me?) two pats on the tummy(now its your turn, do I need to show you how to play?) a little wiggle of the hips, hands behind your back.... as the days progressed she might add a few things in here and there all the while waiting for you to repeat each movement like Simon says. But as we taught her signs she started playing her little game less and less and instead started going through the signs one at a time.
Makes me think.....
How much we all want someone to engage with us,
make eye contact with me,
tell me what I have to say matters to you,
really pay attention to me......
its kinda sweet...
Her new sign
to repeat over
and over...
"together"
come play with me,
come sit with me,
come watch signing time with me,
eat with me...
together.

(see, having down syndrome doesnt make her any different than the rest of us. She has things to say, she wants to matter.....were more alike than different)
I remain,
Under His wings,
Anna

I like it!

Lil G LOVES ice cream and lots of intense flavor. I made spagetti with sausage tonight and she said "Mmmm co-co" (meaning "Mmmm ces rico"-yummy or good)Yesterday she also started saying "Me gusta and no me gusta" alot with the signs...... "I like it, I dont like it." it sounds like this" OOOhhh-gah"! Too cute! Thot' youd enjoy.....

Tell me more.... show me a sign

(Grace signing bird holding her knit bird)

How are you doing little one?
My little one,
my little one
I'd like to know what's on your mind
Our days together,
time together
You and me,
our one on one
These are the times that make me smile
You make me smile

Tell me that you love me
Tell me that you're thinking of me
Tell me all about the things you're thinking
Day and night, both day and night
Tell me that you're happy
And you love it when we're laughing
Tell me more,
oh
tell me more,
show me a sign
Show me a sign


I dont know if youve heard these words in your house lately but this song just takes my breath away.
This song is heard at LEAST once a day in my house the past two months if not more.... I mentioned that G is now asking to watch "signing time". I know that I keep blogging about her new words. But to a gal that has the "gift of gab". This is HUGE!
There arent many days that go by that I dont thank God in heaven for Rachel Coleman and the gift she has given Ms G. There are those with Down Syndrome that never develop speech.
This part isnt so scary anymore.....
G has words...
shes just like Mommy...
the little chatterbox! wink wink.
Today she squealed with delight and signed "boy" when she saw E for the first time of the day......
and can I share something just so precious???
Grace prays with me each night.
I know the Tias prayed with her in the orphanage because you put her in the bed and BAM! Those chubby hands are clasped and head is bowed ready to pray. She mumbles like my others did when they were little.... but when I say thank you Jesus in Spanish she will sign something and I say the word for her. She thanks Jesus for so many things that I in my spoiled-self-centered-way forget to be thankful for.
Of course she goes through the list of family members
and Apples,
and THREE dogs,
and her bed,
for books,
baby dolls,
and water....
even signing time.......
thats my girl!!!!

Oops!

Grab This Button

I just wanted to let anyone "following " or reading my blog that Ive mostly been posting on http://147million-one.blogspot.com. Yesterday when I signed on I was on here and forgot...... and posted...... so I drug the post over to share with everyone.

Just in case you didnt know.....

Sorry for the confusion.

Under His wings,
Anna

new words anyone????

I know...... Ive been holding out on you.
It wasnt Intentional.....
Lil G has some new words!!!
The exciting part is that the words are actually spoken to go with the signs she knows. I think a few posts ago I mentioned she knew pretty much all the signs on the first three signing time videos. it hasnt slowed her down.... she is now moving on to actual words. Please understand the only words that are very very clear are Mama, Dada, nite nite, two new ones "cup" and "up", and Apple.......oh yes lets not forget NO! wink wink...
If you know the signs and hear the bits and pieces it will just blow your mind as it does mine each day...... we have come so far! I think thats why the triycle incident yesterday upset me so badly. The days of helping her navigate like a blind/ mute child are over and its almost like I have PTSD. The time we spent in Ecuador, its so hard to find it in my memory. She is now running and jumping!I just forget....

I posted a picture yesterday of her playing with her leap frog letter sounds toy that goes on the fridge. Yesterday we worked on the letter "B" again. Its funny she is now saying the sound for "B" but isnt adding it into the words that begin with the sound......I still want to have pictures of her with her B words printed and laminated, put on a ring for her to carry around. "Grace with her BALL" "Grace with her Book" etc.

The only new sign we have is "signing time".....
let me tell you this is the most popular sign right now, she begs to watch her videos all day until I put them on for her. (thats what she is doing right now)

Verbalizes:
-stop sounds like "top-i" (stop it??)
-cold "cooooah"
-car "caaaah"
-happy "aaahpeh"
-told Ashley yeah in reply to a question..... that only happened once, lets see if its real or not.....
-yesterday she said bath for the first time. Its weird, instead of the B sound we are learning(with your lips together) she sticks her tongue WAAAAAY out and its like she is saying bleck (yucky)but she is doing it while signing bath..... fuuuuuuunnnnnyyy!!!!!!

Have a blessed day.....

Under His wings,
Anna

what day is this? Day two or five???

Well I wasnt sure where to begin.
Today is my second post in 31 for 21 but its the fifth.
I wish I could do a re-do....
I am also coming around the circle from a different direction....
just like me.

Parenting a child with Down Syndrome.....
Im so new at this.....
Ive only been at it a few months.
But lil G is going to be five soon.
I keep reading that a parenting a child with Down Syndrome is just like parenting a typical child. "Parent her just like you did your other three children."
Okay.
Can-do.
But, wait a minute......
what do I do with this "stuff" that was nowhere in sight when I was parenting my other children? By that I mean, how can I parent her when I dont know her past? How did we get here..... HOW can an almost five year old be so far behind? I wasnt trying to teach an almost five year old how to pedal a little tricycle?! No!! We were taking training wheels off of bicycles... they were reading for heavens sake. I read the other blogs and the families that have children with Down syndrome look so normal. Can I just say that I worry? Can I be real enough to say that this doesnt look like what I thought it would? I hope thats okay. Because no matter how hard I try there is pure terror deep inside that I might screw it all up. THIS my friend is what goes on in my head when no one is looking.

I have no history,
the pages in the baby book are blank.....what has happened in her past for us to end up here in THIS place. How far has she come? (I do know little snippets and sometime this month we will get Graces baby book. The orphanage director will actually give it to us in person.)But as I was outside playing with her and trying to show her how to push the pedals. I felt like sitting down in the driveway , kicking and screaming like a 2 year old. THIS IS HARD!Is she even trying? Does she understand what I am telling her? Im scared.... I dont know if Im doing this right?! It wasnt so hard with my other little people. They could talk with me. I wish there was someone to say, "Anna dont forget, Grace was only doing this or that three months ago, dont you remember. Look at how strong she is now....." Moments like that are so upsetting for me.

Then....

I bring G inside
take her potty
feed her lunch
put her down for a nap.
Lets sit here quietly.
This is the time of day I look forward to. The refeshing quiet time that refuels me. Lets get things back in perspective. G was not one of my biological children. I can parent her like I did the others but she was raised in an orphanage, they were not, She has down syndrome and was born with congenital cataracts- which were surgically removed leaving her blind without glasses, they did not.
This is different
It will look and feel different.
These are the facts.
G is smart.
she CAN do things and WILL do things because she has a whole family and community of people loving her and cheering her on! This may look very different than what I expected
but God knew all along.
He wasnt surprised.

I need to relax,
take a deep breath,
and enjoy today.
Tomorrow has enough worries of its own.
The sun is out
the weather is beautiful......
I have a wonderful husband.
We have been blessed with four children and we can do this!

What day is this, Day two or day five???

Well I wasnt sure where to begin.
Today is my second post in 31 for 21 but its the fifth.
I wish I could do a re-do....
I am also coming around the circle from a different direction....
just like me.

Parenting a child with Down Syndrome.....
Im so new at this.....
Ive only been at it a few months.
But lil G is going to be five soon.
I keep reading that a parenting a child with Down Syndrome is just like parenting a typical child. "Parent her just like you did your other three children."
Okay.
Can-do.
But, wait a minute......
what do I do with this "stuff" that was nowhere in sight when I was parenting my other children? By that I mean, how can I parent her when I dont know her past? How did we get here..... HOW can an almost five year old be so far behind? I wasnt trying to teach an almost five year old how to pedal a little tricycle?! No!! We were taking training wheels off of bicycles... they were reading for heavens sake. I read the other blogs and the families that have children with Down syndrome look so normal. Can I just say that I worry? Can I be real enough to say that this doesnt look like what I thought it would? I hope thats okay. Because no matter how hard I try there is pure terror deep inside that I might screw it all up. THIS my friend is what goes on in my head when no one is looking.

I have no history,
the pages in the baby book are blank.....what has happened in her past for us to end up here in THIS place. How far has she come? (I do know little snippets and sometime this month we will get Graces baby book. The orphanage director will actually give it to us in person.)But as I was outside playing with her and trying to show her how to push the pedals. I felt like sitting down in the driveway , kicking and screaming like a 2 year old. THIS IS HARD!Is she even trying? Does she understand what I am telling her? Im scared.... I dont know if Im doing this right?! It wasnt so hard with my other little people. They could talk with me. I wish there was someone to say, "Anna dont forget, Grace was only doing this or that three months ago, dont you remember. Look at how strong she is now....." Moments like that are so upsetting for me.

Then....

I bring G inside
take her potty
feed her lunch
put her down for a nap.
Lets sit here quietly.
This is the time of day I look forward to. The refeshing quiet time that refuels me. Lets get things back in perspective. G was not one of my biological children. I can parent her like I did the others but she was raised in an orphanage, they were not, She has down syndrome and was born with congenital cataracts- which were surgically removed leaving her blind without glasses, they did not.
This is different
It will look and feel different.
These are the facts.
G is smart.
she CAN do things and WILL do things because she has a whole family and community of people loving her and cheering her on! This may look very different than what I expected
but God knew all along.
He wasnt surprised.

I need to relax,
take a deep breath,
and enjoy today.
Tomorrow has enough worries of its own.
The sun is out
the weather is beautiful......
I have a wonderful husband.
We have been blessed with four children and we can do this!

better late than never.....

Grab This Button


Hey readers! this is the first year I get to participate in 31 for 21 as the proud parent of a child with Down Syndrome! Im not quite sure how I am going to "do this" but if you know me I will probably just jump right in with both feet. I am also going to snoop around and see if I can find a few more blogs that have some information that could be useful as we navigate through the ups and downs of it all......

This weekend was FULL!
My parents came down to meet Miss G.
I hadn't put it on my calendar because sometimes life throws a curve ball and I didn't want to get my hopes up, only to be disappointed that they changed their mind or to find out that circumstances helped them. Since Mom and Dad drove down my sister and her family came too. They all stayed with my Grandpa and that meant a FULL house for him. My cousin and her daughter are staying with him, then my aunts and uncles that live close by drove over each day and we just enjoyed hanging out together. The weather was incredible!!!! (today I am actually COLD!) Last night my Sisters family and parents came our way to have supper. Paul cooked a new "Alton Brown recipe" ..... AWESOME pork tenderloin with lime and chipotle pepper marinade. Listen ladies, you HAVE to give this a try. I cant wait to do it with brown rice as a side to drizzle the marinade/ juice on. It was easy, or at least Paul said it was.... ;) Yes I thanked him. I made sweet potatoes, weve been enjoying them peeled and tossed with olive oil salt and baked in the oven.... YUM-O. My daughter and her husband and my son and his girlfriend were here. (Ive asked them to save Sunday evenings for me.) I really feel the need to have all my peeps in the nest once a week at least. I know they are busy, I understand when things come up, but to have a goal is good.Donchathink???



I enjoyed watching Miss G interact with the family, her reaction to the noise and business.... some moments were better than others. Ive decided that I am going to call my cousin and have play dates with her daughter. They will be here until December I think. It will be good for Miss G to learn some playtime etiquette and for us to be with my grandpa. He doesnt live that far away but I just have a hard time getting over to visit because its out of the way.

I also wanted to tell you that G has been asking to watch her signing time DVDs. This morning she signed " signing time, help" and stood there waiting with those big brown eyes for me to get up and put her DVD on. I have been visiting the website and I am trying to pick out the next video to purchase.
It would be logical to pick number 4 since we have 1-3
But if you know me,
I dont always do whats "expected".....

chatterbox

Grwoing up I can remember being called a chatterbox.
Can you?
Here's what little G had to "say" on the way home last night.
We went out and about and were returning home past her bedtime.
I think she was trying to keep busy so she wouldnt fall asleep!
The conversation went like this, but not EXACTLY mind you:
"dOG,bird, drink,baNANA, dOG, dOG, hot, HHHot, HHot,stop, eat, baNANA, apple, ba you get the picture.
A half hour ride...... the sounds are bold.
It was a quiet ride home
but little G had a lot to say!

I remain,
Under His wings,
Anna

Conincidence????

I want to share a discussion I had with my daughter yesterday. Let me tell you that A is a best friend of mine. Since she is so much like her father she is a perfect compliment to me. Plus since she is a part of my family she "gets me", she knows my baggage, knows my past...... she is also studying to be a special ed/ elem ed teacher and LOVES learning.
So I asked her,
this might be random,
a conincidence,
this is what G did,
what do you think.
Here is the story:
I mentioned I have a leap frog magnetic fridge toy that you put the letters in, G was not speaking when we adopted her. So this is a great tool to use in language development. Ive been playing WITH Her alot. She needs to see our mouth moving to learn how the words/ sounds are made.(she also places her hand on my throat when Im talking... very sweet at church when we are singing hymns) We sat and played and I got the letter B out. It sang the song about the sound the letter made and I kept repeating it.
I said," B makes the sound buh." "Buh... baby."
She signed "Ball".
I said ,"YES G Buh... Ball".(while almost falling on the floor with heart failure)
"Buh... Baby."and so on.
P Was offended that I thought it randomly happened that way.
A just wasnt sure but also wanted to believe there was NO WAY it would be a conincidence....
what do you think?

Then just a bit ago G came and found me reading my bloglist and signed,"Shoes, socks, bicycle, want."
HOLY SMOKES BATMAN!!!!
Could this be for real?!
Really, my mind cant comprehend that she was really putting words together to tell me that she wanted to go out and ride her bicycle......
REALLY?!

speaking of which.... B... buh.... bicycle begins with B......

We're going out to play.....
I remain,
Under His wings,
Anna

Sign language update and other misc. thoughts

Im sitting here enjoying the quiet while little G naps.
Yes, I enjoy naptime. I get almost giddy at the thought that she is going down for a nap and even have days that I count down the minutes. I dont say that in a bad way. please dont think less of me. I look forward to having my quiet time with the Lord, reading a book or two, knitting, and catching up on my e-mail or blog list. Sometimes I get to wandering around from one blog to the next and find some treasures. I find myself feeling guilty for enjoying these simple things but as a mother of a child with a certain special-ness I am finding I have to do some things that I enjoy and restore my spirit. You know the part that makes me who I am......
Then little G gets up in the morning she is ready to rock and roll WAY before I am. P brings her into my bed and she will lie with me signing away, sometimes louder than others. Weve joked that she can be a motor mouth in the car and we dont hear a peep! ha ha!My goal tho is working on communication.... opening those closed doors. That requires alot of work on my part. I am talking talking talking all morning, signing and trying to put actions with words and signs. Over emphasizing sounds.... Im not exactly sure how the speech therapists do it, but Im giving it my best effort and thankfully seeing HUGE results. Ive mentioned before the grief that washes over me. Why why why did we have to wait so long. Why couldnt Grace communicate before we came along? She is so so smart. Its just not right. Im not trying to blame God or anyone. I just feel such deep grief. I am glad that I am finding these emotions and the anger that Ive had bottled up is finding its way out..... these feelings that God created.... how to give them names and therefore heal in some small way. For me to ask Grace a question and instead of her stare at me blankly I am given a firm "NO!" yes... the dreaded word...... maybe there will be a day that I am not liking it so much, but for now...... honey to my heart. She yelled at the great dane the other night. Reese likes to get into a barking fit every now and again. Most of the time tattling on Max the Golden retriever for lying on her pillow. Anyhow, Reese was barking and barking..... G yelled "GO!" signed go and said shhhhh signing it. She also signed stop....... I found a toy at the consignment shop before we brought G home and pulled it out the other day. A leap frog magnetic letter/ sounds player. The first day she couldnt work it on her own. Over and over we picked a magnetic letter pushed it in and listened to the song. Ive placed a stool in the kitchen so that she can play while Im cooking. Such fun..... and yes....now she can do all the functions on her own. I found an incredible tricycle too and yesterday pulled it out so she could take it for a spin. I showed her how to push one pedal at a time, kept telling her Forte for strong..... Im thinking it wont be long before she has it mastered.
Today, while watching her video she squealed with delight when we signed bicycle..... just like she did the other night when her repeated signs for ice cream produced the real thing. (Im that excited that she can now come find us and sign potty! We just hit the landmark time that we arent having to remind her every two hours and take her. Now she hunts us up waving that sweet chubby fist) Im not sure where this journey is going to take us.... but I am so glad that were on our way!

Under His wings,
Anna

as of 9/13:
43. stop
44.go *
45.hurt
46.yes
47. no *
48.cereal
49.book
50.read
51.thirsty
52. hot *
53. cold
54.happy
55.wait

today's count....hold your hat folks..... this is scary good!!!!
56. dry
57. wet
58.pig she says oink oink
59. goat -its a hard sign
60.chicken
61.bicycle
62.boy
63.bath
64.clean
65.wash hands
66.play
67.cereal
68.owl
69.cry
70.sad
71. and can you believe Ball wasnt on a list yet?!

ive not added all the signs because I wait until I am sure she is actually using the sign and knows what it means. Having numbers next to all of them is just mind boggling for me. I think I need to go take a nap!

three more reviews

The books piled up while we were out of country and now that weve been home there are so many things I want to do while G is napping that my time is spread pretty thin.
Im glad to report I have two more books read and Im ready to write the reviews.

The frst book "Love is a flame". Compiled by James Stuart Bell. This was an easy to read book. I enjoyed the style. Not too preachy and not really a "self- help" type read. The book was filled with true stories that are quite inspiring. At the end of each story are throught provoking questions and things to think about. I highly recommend this book to all those that are happily married as well as others in a low point, this book just might help re-kindle the flame. I look forward to sharing it with a few other women in my circle of life.

The second book is "She walks in beauty" by Siri Mitchell. This book was set in the late 1800's in New York during a time called the guilded age.The main character Clara was in the midst of the process of "coming out" in society. THe book tells the saga of Clara and her best friend as they navigate thorugh what coming out in society meant for these two young women. Both girls had families urging them in one direction that lead to wealth and power. Will these girls choose love instead?
I enjoyed the plot of this book as well as the conflict. We are all faced with moral delimma and others expectations of us. The story was one I can easily reccomend to others. This book would get four out of five stars from me....

While I am at it I recieved another book titled "City on our knees" by Toby Mac over the weekend and had anxiously awaited its arrival. I read it in one day/ evening and enjoyed it as much as I'd hoped I would. Toby Mac uses the lyrics of the songs on his latest CD as a springboard for the chapters and it is a compilation of inspiring stories, quotes and Bible verses put together to lead us to deeper thought on what separates us and how to unite as a body to do God's work. I could easily see this book enjoyed by youth and adults alike, as a springboard for small group discussions or even private quiet time reading. I can easily give this book five out of five stars!

In closing I need to add that the books I reviewed here were sent to me by Bethany House Publishers for the purpose of reviewing them. The reciept of the book in no way influenced my opinion. I would like to thank Bethany House for the priveledge to review books for them. I enjoy it so much!!!

I might add.....
I have four more books......
waiting to be read and reviewed!
Ha ha!!!

BALL!

Last night we did a run through of our Thursday night plans. That is the night I get to go knit with my peeps. We tried it once but Im having a hard time remembering how long it takes to get ready and out the door..... so we met at a gas station along the way. This time it worked perfectly. G came to knit with me for about 30 mins so the ladies could say hi, then P came over after working out at the gym just around the corner. (she did the happy dance for him- so cute! you should see him glow!) I had supper ready so they went home together, ate supper and played.

I arrived home a little after nine. He had just tucked her in bed and told me to go in since she would still be awake. I loved on her and asked if she had fun with daddy. "Did you play toys?Did you have fun with Daddy?" She started signing and I thought,"yeah here we go." thought nothing of it really.(it seems like every chance she gets someones complete attention she has to sign through all 40-something signs) But she kept singing Ball and I just nodded and smiled. "yes G, ball..... pelota" She signed potty so I took her in, knowing he probably just took her.(but if you are a seasoned mother you know to NEVER ignore that!!!) Put her back in bed and kissed her. I fixed myself some supper and sat down to eat and watch the last of the seasons finale of Gray's and this is what I saw on the floor:
Took my breath away.
Tears streaming down my face........ Ball.
G had something really important to tell me.....
They played with the ball.......
Still just chokes me up.......
have I told you how much I love being a mother lately?????
really..... I do......


I remain,
Uner His wings,
Anna

Count the cost?

I was reading a few blogs this morning. One really got my goat. Another family struggling to muddle through the adoption process was asked about the cost of adoption. "isnt that alot of money for one child?"

Really?!

Let me go full circle to get to where I am right now, Many of you have followed along with us on our journey, It wasnt easy. A 3-6 month wait turned into almost two years. In Jan/Feb of this year it really seemed like it was not going to happen. The council was not going to grandfather our adoption into the old accreditiation, there were only a few slots and how could we presume that our agency would get one whenever they decided to fill them? But we knew deep in our spirits God had not said to back out. Well meaning people told us it was okay, everyone would understand if we had to walk away. Weve talked about this before. God was the one that led us to this point and we said all along we didnt have the finances, if he wanted this He would have to do it. So one by one as each little fee was due we somehow had what we needed and moved on.(read my last post) When we mailed off to get our passports we got them in weeks- unheard of! Even our USCIS approval was a piece of cake- some families have a real hard time with this one. But we kept saying that God had to do it, we just couldnt. And we even knew as crazy as it sounds that maybe this wasnt all about adopting a child. Sometimes I have found that you think God is leading you in a direction but not for the reason you thought. ;) We finally had a breakthrough and ended up....... with a sweet little girl in our homes.
Adoptions arent easy.
Life isnt easy.

We havent done the math.
I am sure once tax time comes we will know down to the penny how much was spent to bring little G home. And when I think of the total, all the things that couldve been bought with that amount of money you know what I think....... I wouldve spent even more. Because new clothes, new shoes, a new purse, a haircut or manicure... a new car..... NONE of it is irreplaceable!!!! Once you pull out of the lot with that brand new car it starts to depreciate.... it gets dirty and needs to be maintained. We spend money on "stuff" and in one year or two or three or ten....... guess where it will be in a dump or yardsale or thrift store!! (Remember what Christ said in Matthew 6:19 Do not store up treasures on earth where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up treasures in heaven where moth and rust do not destroy and thieves do not break in and steal...)

My little G....... shes a treasure.
Money cant buy what she gives me.
You just cant place a monetary value on a living breathing human being!
Think of the price he paid to adopt us into his family......

Thats all Ive got to say about that.

I remain,
Under His wings,
Anna

Writing thank you notes

Ive had many thoughts running around in my head as of late. One of the most profound thoughts takes my breath away. So many times along the way someone decided to sacrifice on behalf of our Little G. I recieved a check in the mail from a bloggy friend that has never met us in person,someone ordered notecards and slipped extra in the check to help pay for G's glasses, a family whos adoption fell apart donated their money to our adoption..... the exact amt we needed to be done. A family met us at the airport to welcome us home..... Many many people that I go to church with every Sunday sacrificed during such hard economic times to help us bring little G home. Show Hope- the memorial fund started by Stephen Curtis Chapman's family.There are the friends that pick up the phone and sacrifice time to check on us. A family in our church bought a baby gate and some extra cute outfits- the first Sunday we were home she asked what we needed and I quickly replied," we need a baby gate." Within a few hours she was at the door with one.....Instead of throwing a shower the ladies in the church took the money they wouldve spent on a gift and put it on a visa card. To get two of those on our journey was simply God. Thats the only thing I can say. They helped to purchase the airline tickets to Guayaquil to complete our paperwork and a few other unexpected expenses. There were many...... I could ramble on and on. It just feels surreal to know that all we did was say "YES" fill out the paperwork and start the process one baby step at a time. Two years later I have a beautiful daughter. There isnt a day that goes by that I dont have the thought. "it really happened, G is really home, shes really ours." How can I find words to write a thank you to these people????? I sit down to write a letter for the Church and I cannot express how humbled I am each Sunday to look in the faces of those friends/ family and know that they are part of our BIG PICTURE. The prayer team encouraging us each little baby step of the way... I am not sure how God wouldve done it without them, I know in my heart of hearts that this was meant to be and he wouldve found a way. But to know that we have recieved such a gift as this........

This girl that has so many words......
How do you say thank you?

I remain,
Under His wings,
Anna

G with her great grandpa

G reading her book with mommy before bed. "if you give a mouse a cookie with handknit mouse and cookie" - gift from a Ravelry friend, Stephanie.

can a brag a bit????

These were taken at the park on Sunday.... Had a great time!

TODAY WAS A FULL DAY!
Little G had her first Drs appt. She did so well..... we could tell she knew how to act at the Drs office. (fake sneezing included.... sigh.) The Dr wanted blood to get a base line for thyroid and the other basics. Ended up needing to stick her twice. Remind me next time- left hand! Hardly even know she was being stuck. I had a hard time figuring out which song to sing with her because all of them are game/ handplay songs.ha ha!We sang Jesus loves me. Was sweet. The Dr joined in with us. (Ive never had the actual Dr draw the blood either.)
I was disappointed though. I thought we woud leave the Drs office with all these plans and things we needed to do. I told P of my disappointment. He said it was because she agreed with everything we were doing. Its all good. Intead of being relieved I felt odd. Thank you dear husband for setting things straight and telling it how it was.
Our new total is 42!!!! THROWING CONFETTI!!!! The most exciting part is that she is really using them in context! She really is telling us her needs and even makes up signs to suit her needs. (we had pizza and G signed "more cheese bread please" WOW!!!!)She picked up a ball to throw for the dogs and was signing ball while she was trying to hold the ball!Multitasking! ;)

here are the new words:
27. candy
28. day
29 night* ni-ni
30. socks
31. Banana * (naah-naah)
32. turtle
33.horse
34. donkey
35.butterfly
36. together
37.teddy bear
38. dirty (I told her we needed to brush her teeth and she signed dirty!!! YAY!)
39.duck
40,ice-cream (helado)
41.cold
42. help

we can also add that she is trying to verbalize thank you- (Koo-koo)
She covers her mouth and tries to say excuse me shen she burps, quite frequently I might add. I think its because she drinks with her tongue. Like a baby drinking a bottle.
PLUS weve figured out that she knew head shoulders knees and toes, ring around the rosie and if youre happy and you know it...... I think I already mentioned that she knew Jesus loves me. I sang that with her in Ecuador.

sink or swim....... or float?????

I know its been while but life is so different with a toddler in the house!
We went to Orlando for a week and little G was able to meet her Paternal Grandparents. They were smitten, as well as her Aunt and Uncle and cousins. I know it was important for them to meet but find myself wondering if the trip was such a good idea so soon after we came home? Little G and I had a great time at the hotel, the pool was phenominal to say the least. Four pools linked together by a lazy river. She wasnt to sure about the water on the first day but by the time we left she would let go of me and kick her legs. (she was also busy signing water!!!)

I am still dealing with alot of emotions and feelings that are hard to give names. I think that after such a hard process I am just tired. Emotionally and physically. Then you add reality to the mix in huge doses. In Ecuador I wasnt having to cook or clean. We had a maid come in and our host did all the cooking for us. I am afraid I left my cooking mojo somewhere along the way. We have eaten supper at 8pm a few nights because I wait too long, get too busy, or just dont know what to cook. sigh. P hasnt complained. I just feel like I cant get anything done in a timely manner. Then if I am doing cleaning or laundry Im not keeping up with little G. Her room is babyproofed so she is fine in there but its hard for me to allow behaviors, which shall remain nameless, to go on without reprimand and I also feel like she needs to be stimulated or entertained. She takes an incredible nap but its hard for me to lie down when SO MUCH needs to be done!

Now....... on to the topic of affection and bonding. I am having a HARD time with others showing affection to her. I dont mind her meeting a friend or acquaintance and giving them a polite hug or such. But G DEMANDS to be held, snuggled, kissed and hugged. It takes my breath away and hurts my heart. I tend to just tell her no and explain to the person that we are in the process of bonding and learning appropriate affection for others. But it leaves me feeling guilt and such a pain in my heart to see the disappointment or questioning look on their face. These are my friends. These are people that have prayed for her. Prayed for two years with us! I know they are just aching to be a part of her life too...... Many times after two or three times I have given in and G gets her way.(not good) I am now fighting the urge to just stay home because its easier. I dont know why I didnt see all this coming, but we dont know what things will really look like on the other side do we? You have an idea, a dream. But reality sometimes looks different. Please be patient with me. I am feling like Ive been thrown in the ocean..... and I dont swim well mind you. I asked the orphanage director what she thought of all of it and she said it sounded perfectly normal. Grace and I are just learning so much together. She said to just relax and float. Im trying.......

Here are the few tips Ive been given recently. let me know if you have any thoughts or ideas as we try to swim/float through such muddy waters.

Call Drs etc in advance and explain the situation so they are aware of our wishes.(last week we had an appt and I was upset that the whole time the Dr held and cuddled her. I did finally step in when G got overstimulated and plunked her in daddys lap- the Dr insisted it was fine. Not really... for me I mean.)

Many that have adopted older children have told us we need to stay at home as much as possible in the first 3-6 months to allow little G to settle into things. These children get overstimulated very easy and have been through alot of trauma in the transition. (so maybe my fight/flight response is helping?)


I feel Fall in the air...... the shadows are growing longer and there is a breeze. Might not be cool just yet but its coming......

I remain,
Under His wings,
Anna

book review day

Time out for a book review day. I have had this job on my list of "to do's" since we arrived home a month ago.
I know.... sigh.

So here we go:

Book one: "Somewhere to belong" by Judith Miller.
This book was a difficult read for me.I kept hoping for an attention getter and just never found one. I liked the characters and the plot but I just found the story lacking in interest and Oomph. I LOVE to read and get frustrated when I pick up a book that doesnt hold my attention. I can tell you that part of me wondered if I didnt enjoy the book because the main characters are teenagers. If you have a teenaged daughter that enjoys reading - or are in your teens I recommend you give this book a try. I had never heard of the Amana colonies and found it to be very interesting Historically. I have read many stories about the Amish and we have Mennonite communities aound us. I struggled with this because there are many groups that look at the outer appearance and are legalistic. So there was inner conflict when reading this story as well. I kept hoping that as I read the story it would come together and I would feel better about the characters and the plot. I was disappointed. I am hoping that there are readers out there that will enjoy this book and enjoy the following books in this series.

Book Two: "Sixteen Brides" by Stephanie Grace Whitson: This book was also read while I was in Ecuador this summer. I enjoyed this story. The plot is well written, I was nervous because it was a plot that has been used many times. There were several surprises and I enjoyed the twists and turns along the way. I can give this story 4 out of 5 stars.

Book three: "Hearts awakening" by Deliah Parr: I want to begin by telling you that I was nervous that this book would let me down. I fell in love with the main character, Ellie, and the authors style of writing right away. I do think that she took the character Jackson's irrational behavior a bit too far. I am not sure if Ellies reaction was believable either. BUT I so wanted it to be. She was full of grace and mercy. If we could all be given the benefit of the doubt when our past causes us to react instead of thinking before we speak. I also felt like she dealt on Ellies appearance too much as well.
I cannot give away too much but there were Many many aspects of this story that made it an enjoyable read for me. I found myself looking forward to quiet moments to read. I can easily give this story 4 out of 5 stars.


Book four: "No more Christian nice girl" by Paul Coughlin and Jennifer Degler.
I was really looking forward to reading this book because I, like many others, have a hard time not feeling undeserved guilt when I say "no" to someone's plea for help in one area or another. This book was written to deal with some tough issues but I had such a hard time reading the continued saga of "Nicole" that I could not bring myself to completing the book. I know, I am a book reviewer and I couldnt read the book in its entirety.I felt the authors just went overboard when telling Nicole's story. I cannot imagine that there is a "real Nicole " out there. I also felt like I was being mocked if an issue rang true in my life.Since I mentioned that this is a topic I would love guidance on I think the authors had a good idea but felt many times that scripture was taken out of context in proving a point. The comments written in the sidebars were also very distracting for me- this may be personal preference though. I only feel comfortable with giving this book 2 out of 5 stars.

Book Five: A pilots true story "Flight to heaven" By Captain Dale Black.
I want to begin my review by saying thank you to Bethany House. This book was just so good I could barely put it down. After many books that left me feeling eh, okay... this was the icing on the cake. The story was told beautifully and kept me on the edge of my seat the whole time. I was sad to read the last pages. My favorite part was where the author shares about sitting in his backyard and studying the trees and the changing of the seasons. It was such a beautiful analogy. If there is one book that you read this year this should be it! I can easily give this book 5 out of 5 stars!

So there you have it...... being a book reviewer for Bethany house has its pros and cons. I enjoy being given the opportunity to read books free of charge. But along with that comes a price......We all have an opinion and I have to say that is one thing that I am not too keen about in our society these days.

I remain,
Under His wings,
Anna