what day is this? Day two or five???

Well I wasnt sure where to begin.
Today is my second post in 31 for 21 but its the fifth.
I wish I could do a re-do....
I am also coming around the circle from a different direction....
just like me.

Parenting a child with Down Syndrome.....
Im so new at this.....
Ive only been at it a few months.
But lil G is going to be five soon.
I keep reading that a parenting a child with Down Syndrome is just like parenting a typical child. "Parent her just like you did your other three children."
Okay.
Can-do.
But, wait a minute......
what do I do with this "stuff" that was nowhere in sight when I was parenting my other children? By that I mean, how can I parent her when I dont know her past? How did we get here..... HOW can an almost five year old be so far behind? I wasnt trying to teach an almost five year old how to pedal a little tricycle?! No!! We were taking training wheels off of bicycles... they were reading for heavens sake. I read the other blogs and the families that have children with Down syndrome look so normal. Can I just say that I worry? Can I be real enough to say that this doesnt look like what I thought it would? I hope thats okay. Because no matter how hard I try there is pure terror deep inside that I might screw it all up. THIS my friend is what goes on in my head when no one is looking.

I have no history,
the pages in the baby book are blank.....what has happened in her past for us to end up here in THIS place. How far has she come? (I do know little snippets and sometime this month we will get Graces baby book. The orphanage director will actually give it to us in person.)But as I was outside playing with her and trying to show her how to push the pedals. I felt like sitting down in the driveway , kicking and screaming like a 2 year old. THIS IS HARD!Is she even trying? Does she understand what I am telling her? Im scared.... I dont know if Im doing this right?! It wasnt so hard with my other little people. They could talk with me. I wish there was someone to say, "Anna dont forget, Grace was only doing this or that three months ago, dont you remember. Look at how strong she is now....." Moments like that are so upsetting for me.

Then....

I bring G inside
take her potty
feed her lunch
put her down for a nap.
Lets sit here quietly.
This is the time of day I look forward to. The refeshing quiet time that refuels me. Lets get things back in perspective. G was not one of my biological children. I can parent her like I did the others but she was raised in an orphanage, they were not, She has down syndrome and was born with congenital cataracts- which were surgically removed leaving her blind without glasses, they did not.
This is different
It will look and feel different.
These are the facts.
G is smart.
she CAN do things and WILL do things because she has a whole family and community of people loving her and cheering her on! This may look very different than what I expected
but God knew all along.
He wasnt surprised.

I need to relax,
take a deep breath,
and enjoy today.
Tomorrow has enough worries of its own.
The sun is out
the weather is beautiful......
I have a wonderful husband.
We have been blessed with four children and we can do this!