Monday, October 25, 2010

Being "real"

I few posts back I commented on being "real".
Faking it through life seems to be the norm. A
Are we really helping anyone,
including ourselves when we hide behind those walls?
When we put on a happy face, reply "fine" with the fake smile- you know that 2 for one deal... to the questions, "how are you?".
I wonder,
when we are on the other side and ask the question,
do we really want to know how that person is, really.

I know of someone that started their adoption story about the same time we did. They were doing a domestic adoption of an older child and apparently had to disrupt before the relationship really even got a chance. I dont know all the circumstances. I cant go into details that I do know...... but as I talked with this mother and she shared she kept saying that she was fine. I looked right at her and told her," no, you are not fine. Its okay to admit it. You are human and this isnt what you expected. You will be okay..... but it will take time." I offered to be there for her if she needed but I wonder if she will really reach out.
Im not being judgemental in the least when I say this,
We have People all around us faking it.
Its not helping them.
Its not helping us.
We arent able to learn through their story.
I dont know what to do with these feelings of inadequacy with our adoption if other mothers out there are too busy "faking it" it really share what it was like.
For real.
If I am not willing to say.
"hey, this is beautiful, yes. But this is HARD."
"You know This isnt the love I expected, I feel like I am babysitting. It doesnt feel real." (this is how I felt up until about six weeks after we'd be home. You know, just going through the motions.)No one else out there realizes that when they jump in with both feet they just might land in a different place than they thought If I dont stay real.

I have a blip written in an old day runner, remember those, I still have the address phone number part of it in my desk... where was I? Oh yeah. I read this book way back when.... seems like foreer ago that I checked it out from the library. Oldest child was only 15..... "real college" by Doug Stone and Elizabeth Tippett.

Heres what they wrote:
" It's all too easy to compare your confused tumultous insides with other people's seemingly placid and perfect outsides, but chances are, their insides are just as messy and tumultous as yours, maybe more. If you actually knew those superstars youve created in your head better, youd have a window into just how human and messed-up-self-doubting they really are behind all the accolades.

Makes me so thankful to have just a few people that really know me.
People that I feel comfortable just letting the facades down with.....
Makes me think about our creator and who he created us to be,
What we really should be striving for.
Is it really perfection???
Just wondering.....
just thinking out loud....

1 comment:

  1. You said I was inspiring, gosh you are so inspiring with your care and love for your little G.
    I was a teacher of infants, in my class each child was an individual.
    I used to say you are all good at something, you all have a special gift, maybe catching a ball or swimming or helping others or of course reading or writing. I loved the creative times and their drawings. The way they saw the world with fresh eyes.
    As time passes I am sure you will discover your little G's gift.
    You are inspiring, pat yourself on your back, you are doing a great job.


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