Merry Christmas Eve

Merry Christmas!
Feliz Navidad!
celebrating the birth of our Savior and King......Cherishing the loved ones with us, missing the ones that arent and looking forward to the future.

Adoption update

For those waiting on news.
I recieved an e-mail from our adoption agency last night.
Yes, she told us thru an e-mail.
" The social worker at the Orphanage was in attendance at the committee meeting on Thursday and G's case was not discussed. I am sorry."
Once again my heart literally aches. I know I need to cry it out. Again.
Maybe in the shower.
But for now.
I have a beautiful family.
I am focusing on my Savior.
And we are CELEBRATING Christmas!

Under His wings,
Anna

December 17th- Perspective & Waiting

As I sit here at my computer I can see the sun shining outside my windows and after all the rain this month its a blessed occurrance. ( 12 inches already. If we get more rain as promised before the end of the month it will push us into the "wettest December in History". I am not sure when they started keeping records.) Isnt it funny how we appreciate something we take for granted once we "go without".

Take our health for instance. It just takes one visit to the Dr for life to go spinning out of control.

These changes in our life are good for us. They change our perspective. They change how we view things. The outside didnt change, it was me, the inside that changed how I percieved it. Today I am thankful for the sunshine. (as are many in communities around us that are flooded out of their homes right now, a little over a week away from Christmas. Not in a flood zone, no flood insurance. sigh......

Tomorrow is "The day" that the council will meet again. Once a month they meet to sign off on the adoption "assignment letters". Our immigration deadline is quickly approaching. Last I talked to our immigrations officer it was the 17th. But it took longer to process the papers so that gave us a few more days. The official deadline is the 24th. Christmas Eve. As we await on the celebration of the birth of our Savior we also wait on him to come as he did so long ago, to rescue our situation. Can you imagine on Sunday when our pastor talked about how we are "waiting" we sang the song thats first on my play list. THEY sang "Away in a manger." My throat was so constricted with raw emotion, nothing was coming out. No room for a bed....... my sweet Savior. He really understands the plight of the Orphans. So much as to say when we do for "the least of these" we are actually doing unto Him. He even takes on their identity. I can go on and on. The first Sunday of Advent the Christmon tree was in the foyer and we were handed ornaments to hang on the tree. The attendant reached into her box to hand me an ornament, then we both looked at it. "oh how neat Anna, yours is the creche, the manger......" More days than not I see Gods hand. I am thankful to be so aware. For my spiritual vision to be so attuned to see what He is doing, saying to me. To read on someones blog Luke 12:6-7 talking about the sparrows and how they are only worth pennies..... but our worth more than a whole flock of sparrows. How He cares and provides for them and how muh more he does for us, going so far as to number the hairs on our head! Only days before that I was in the passenger seat as we drove down the street. Rarely I see a bluebird. Oh I squealed as one flew across a yard. Then another followed it. I followed their flight to see them land on a power line. There were five! Five bluebirds sitting in a row! That was my happy thought for the morning........ I know there is a difference in bluebirds and sparrows. But He can minister to us through His creation.....
Our church had several people help write a devotional for the Advent. Todays verse is Zephaniah 3:14-20. "He will quiet you with His love, he will rejoice over you with singing." Makes me think of our pastor talking about how a mother with an infant can quiet that child with her love. Did you know that El Shaddai, The root word Shad means breast! As an infant, the mother provides all the nourishment her child needs at her breast. They have found that in the first days breastmilk, colostrum, provides immunities for the infant child. God is the provider of all things we need. Its all found in Him.

I guess all that said to say,
I am learning to appreciate the wait. I am learning to rest in Him. Let His peace wash over me and appreciate all the ways He comunicates His love, His provision.......

Try to savor the "wait" for the birth of our Savior with me.
Advent is such a beautiful "waiting" time.
The anticipation.
Dont let it pass you by..........


Under His Wings,
Anna

"Do not Enter"

So let me tell you this idea isnt original to me. Ive been pondering it since I read a blogger's title, "Im Under Contruction". In the midst of raising little ones, adoption, and the Holidays they have decided to put their house on the market and find something bigger for their growing family. So, they are getting it ready which involves painting, flooring etc., and actually living in the home while the process is underway.

But I paused
and I thought to myself,
this is like me.
I am "Under construction".
This process of regeneration.
taking off the old and replacing it with the new.
Now the huge part of transformation happened on the day of my salvation. But that is not what I am talking about here am I?
We are all being transformed by the renewing of our minds, daily. (Romans 12:2)
Way way back when I remember Kay Arthur talking about each day waking up and putting Christ on. Like a coat or a garment. Each day I have the choice of letting Him do His work in me. We can get up in the morning and put the hard hat on and get to work.

Through my adoption journey of this past year I have been on the emotional roller coaster ride that comes with International Adoption. I have had to continually focus my eyes on Christ and Gods word to get through this. If I take my focus off Him its like all the crew puts the tools down and walks off the job site. He will let me just sit on the sidelines and admire the work thats been done so far. To become stagnant. Its safe there isnt it. Many times along the way I take up the tools and start working on it myself and really, since Im being honest here, I am just not a carpenter. He is the carpenter and He knows who he created me to be. He has the blueprints. So if I take this job on my own there may be some painful remodeling that has to be done.

So be patient with me 'yall,
and I will try to be patient with myself.
Im "Under Construction"
and I will be.........
until I get to my eternal home.

Phil. 1:6 Being confident of this very thing,
that He who hath begun a good work in you will perform it
until the the day of Jesus Christ.

My brother in Laws sermon

Can you believe my Brother in law mentioned to me on Face Book that he used us as an illustration on Sunday. I watched it with trepidation. I will list the link here in case you might want to watch. Its the Sermon Titled "Gods work in us" on December 6 by Pastor Matt W. The first ten mins or so while it loads you will hear incredible Christmas music. Then the actual video comes onto the screen - the next 40 min of the actual service is a wonderful musical drama. The last say 20 min is the actual sermon in case you are wanting to "get to the point". My husband is that kind of person so I am making that part available to "those kinds" of people. Ha ha!

moving on.........

As I watched the ending of the SEC championship game. You know, where they show the winning team saying "Hi Mom" and being excited about winning. I was so moved to hear the player that was first interviewed for the "other" team. "I just want to start off by thanking God. Through Him this is possible." It made me remember just 30 min earlier that I saw Tim Tebow praying to that very same God during halftime. Yes my beloved Gators just didnt win. But God still showed up and He still got the glory. Isnt that all that really matters. Football games come and go but God is God.

Things in our life come and go,
but God is still God.

My brother in law mentioned the verse that I quoted in my last post in Romans 5. ( has he been reading my blog???)
Other top verses in his sermon that I can relate to:

Phillipians 3:1-11
Hebrews 12:10
and the one on Tim Tebows eyeblack on Sunday.
How approporiate. John 16:33
Thanks Matt. I didnt look for that one. So I could take that as far as to say God was trying to continue to remind me of this "lesson" even through the game...... hate to admit that after while I just couldnt even watch.......

I wish I could share all the "God Hugs" I recieved after my post last week. You can read 4 on the comments section. The rest I will savor and enjoy. He is holding me "close to his heart". I am so glad He loves me in such a grand way.

May He hold you close to His heart as you continue to run this race!
Under His wings,
Anna

Grief

I know, You say that word and think that someone has died.
We think of death.
I am trying to give myself a little, can I say it...... grace.
I need to let myself grieve.
Dont worry, we havent lost someone..... I am so blessed, our family is healthy and well.
But I am grieving.
There.
I said it.
It took a friend to help me find the words.
Have you ever just been so bogged down
you couldnt even find the words to express what is inside you?
Sometimes it just takes someone coming up alongside you that can see it.
Someone that can see the trees in spite of the forest.

I am not the only one.
Many will grieve during the Holidays.
They have a new diagnosis.
Recently lost a loved one.
The Holidays bring up memories, feelings.

Time and time again this past year I have found myself speechless.
That is a pretty hard task.
But yesterday I was right back
"there"
in
"that place".

A friend called and I am ashamed to admit I was still in bed. I wont tell you what time it was. We had a storm roll through and the Great Dane gets so upset, pacing up and down the halls whining. I didnt want to get out of bed and let her in our room because I didnt want to wake DH up. And many nights once I am still it takes me awhile for my head to be quiet and actually fall asleep. So I slept in.

Back to my story...... so this friend calls first thing in the Am then she calls again mid afternoon. We were working on spelling. Now if youve seen my sons spelling you will know I just couldnt stop what I was doing and answer the phone. But the sad part is that I couldnt bring myself to call her back. I knew why she was calling. I just couldnt talk. I was in "that place" I took son to church early to "hang out" and went to get hair cut. Then came home and cooked supper. I really was thinking that I could figure out a way to not have time to go back to church and go to youth group. But darn it if I didnt get it all done with time to spare. So I went.

All it took was me letting my guard down for a split second and the tears started, then the sobbing. I must've sobbed for 30 min. The sad thing is that there is so much left, I am actually crying as I type this and was crying in bed last night. It is a beautiful release but I cant get it to stop. I have a deep desire to just stay at home in my flannel pants, t-shirt and warm socks. It is safe there. I dont want to be thought of as "fragile" a "drama queen". I want people to know that I DO trust God, that he IS near to me, He is my Savior, I have the faith of ....... well I want to think something much bigger than a mustard seed! But this mountain hasnt moved yet. What is God waiting on? What have I not done to get this moving? (really, understand that I dont think God is a slot machine and that if I do this or that I will get my way..... but let me be brutally honest here, just this moment let me say what is in my head. He knows it already.) But I keep running from the grief and not letting myself feel what is real. I have a fear that it will distract others from my true beliefs and faith..........

This friend that had chased me all day told me that this grieving is okay.
It doesnt mean that I dont have faith.
It proves that I am human.
If I am so concerned with appearances, who does that help?
Does it help anyone?

"Im wondering, What does that do for you?" She asked.

Minimizing it only hurts me in the long run- why am I doing that to myself. I wouldnt do that to someone else that I know. Even someone that I dont like. I find myself offering excuses for others and their behavior. Why cant I just let myself be human, that tenderhearted person that God has created me to be? (really, I swerve for butterflies........ ) I was WAY past 30 before I even liked myself. Big ole ninny baby. Just Stop being so tenderhearted! Then I started seeing it as a gift. God makes us all diferent and this helps me be the prayer warrior. You tell me something and buddy I will "feel it" for you and that will bring me to my knees on your behalf. God can whisper your name in my ear, or I see your face and I am right at his throne for you. Im not tooting my own horn. I am just saying that I have come to see the value of my gifts and talents instead of trying to hide them and "fix" them.

Its dawned on me that we will spend another Christmas without "little G".

Two brithdays.
Two Christmases.

When last Friday
then Saturday........
this Monday
came and went.
I realized that we would not meet our daughter in person before Christmas. I dont know where in my mind a vision of her sweet little face lit up with the glow from the Christmas tree lights has come from. But I see it every once in awhile and I really thought I would get to see it in real life.

It just wont happen.

The council closes from Dec 17th to the end of the year and it will take two weeks to get the court processes done and the bonding period complete. Even if we scrambled and just got on the next plane out we just wouldnt be able to get it done.

There is nothing I can physically do to change this. I wont be watching her open Christmas gifts ....... that sweet little girl that haunts my dreams, like a phantom slipping in and out. I can hear her laughter and feel her soft hair as it brushes up against my face. My heart is breaking yet again for the things that wont be.

Now please, dont take that and run with it either, God can and will restore the years the locust has eaten, its in His word so it is true. But let me just be real. I need to allow myself to grieve before I can move on. Lets face it, I am a mother. I long for those moments again.........

As I sobbed in the foyer last night, my friend held me tightly.
She cried with me and promised me that she would join me in grieving.
But I have to be willing to "go there" for her to join me.
You know, not many people want to be around someone that grieves for so long.

But it only takes one.

Let me end with my verse for today. I couldnt find it the other day and today there it was!

But we also glory in tribulations,
knowing that tribulation produces perseverance;
And perseverance, character;
and character, hope.
Now hope does not disappoint,
because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts
by the Holy Spirit who was given to us.

- Romans 5:3-5

Abundance

So yesterday and today I have been rolling this word around in my head. Like a beautiful word as it slips off the tongue. Its Holiday time, Thanksgiving just passed us by and now we are headed towards Christmas. I am just thinking about what weve been blessed with, the need around us and Gods gifts........
We went through hard financial times after we moved. that was 13 years ago- I am reminded time and time again that we never went without what we needed and our faith was strengthened. God was our provider and His word is true. Back then I resolved that when we were better off financially I would do for others. I am so glad to be on this side of the giving.

I have been following another Blog/ story of a family that has encouraged me. I sat back and watched/ read as their daughter decided that she wanted to raise the money to adopt a sweet little girl in an Orphanage far away. Now in Eastern countries children are institutionalized after about 4-5 years of age if they havent been adopted. But I kept praying that God really would ride in on his white horse and save the day. That this family would have a Thanksgiving miracle. I am not sure if I lacked the faith that it would happen tho'. I commented on the blog, "if you come up short you wont give up will you?" I know with our adoption we signed on the dotted line BEFORE we had the finances. All we knew was that God was calling us to more....... bigger. I wrestled with the issues of the finances. It seemed so big. But I knew from what God had done in our past and continued to do that it was possible. Yesterday I made my coffee, sat down to catch up on the blogs and wept as I read that in 9 days they had not only met the goal of $20 thousand but Exceeded it. The mother said that she is amazed that the money has not stopped coming in even after they reached their goal. They have now started adding all the surplus to another familys account. So not only did God use His people to do one Thanksgiving miracle but two!

Ephesians 3 comes to mind. Esp. vs. 20 Now unto him (Christ) who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that worketh in us.

I am praying that while we wait to bring "Little G" home that God will continue to work out our faith...... perseverance.

Hold my heart- Happy Birthday "little G "

The song "Hold my heart" by Tenth Avenue North has really been the top on my list of favorites lately. I dont know how to do links or any of that fancy stuff......

"One tear in the driving rain.
Once voice in a sea of pain.
Could the maker of the stars,
hear the sound of my breaking heart?
One life is all I am,
right now I can barely stand.
If you really are who you say you are could you come close and hold my heart?"

The reason I love it so much is that I know. I know The only way I am not sobbing by eyes out is that God has been so close. Really and truely it wasnt Him that needed to move, but it was me. I need to take the walls down and take the time to really tell Him every little detail. I used to really be the person that held onto those little things or not go to Him with the details that I felt didnt matter to him. " I wont keep Him tied up on something so trivial."

He has done such a HUGE thing on "little G"s behalf. I know that He loves my sweet "little G".
Today is her fourth birthday and so far I havent shed a tear. I praise God that He has taken such wonderful care of her. I know that her Orphanage loves her and that she has been blessed. I dont know if she knows or understands that she has a family yet. But I know. She has a sweet little bed, in a sweet little room. A mother a father and two.... really three big brothers. Just anxiously waiting to shower her with Love........

Happy Birthday Little G!

The Power of Crying out

I feel the need to share about a little gift I recieved a few months ago. This came from a new friend of mine. She is the one that shared the first pictures of "little G".
Its a book, "The Power of Crying out"was written by Bill Gothard. This little book can be read easily in one sitting. It was a timely message for me when we got the phone call to prepare for our trip to Ecuador and then two days recieved the call that the Childrens Council didnt meet. To say I was devastated is a huge understatement. I understand that our Adoption agency director was only relaying the info she had received. I wish there was someone that I coud blame. Someone that I could be angry with or give a piece of my mind. But its like the picture of everyone pointing to everyone else. "its their fault". That was in September.

This book is simple. Shares Gods word in small increments and I want to share my favorite part:

"God Hears those in great need"
We see in scripture that the greater someones helplessness and need the more God seems to emphasize His commitment to hear their cry in trouble. God affirms His special concern for the fatherless, widows, strangers(foreigners). and the poor- people with exceptional needs and crises that others do not experience.
God testified to Moses that if oppressed widows and orphans called out to Him, "I will surely hear their cry" Solomon said that God "will deliver the needy when he cries, the poor also, and him who has no helper. Exodus 22:22-23 and Psalm 72:12
Gods compassion in such cases of special hardship is something He expects us to share as well. He tells us,"Whoever shuts his ears to the cry of the poor will also cry himself and no be heard. And He warned Moses and the people at Sinai," You shall not afflict them in any way, and they cry at all to Me , I will surely hear their cry; and My wrath will become hot adn I will kill you with the sword; your wives will become widows and your children fatherless.

Later in the book Bill Gothard writes that we can intercede on others behalf. " Samuel cried our to the Lord for Israel, and the Lord answered hi,. I Samuel 7:9

"call upon Me in the day of trouble; I will deliver you, and you shall glorify me. Psalm 50:15

I cannot believe we are still here,
in this waiting place.
Reading blogs of other families starting their adoption stories with stars in their eyes watching God move in a mighty way, other families getting the phone call that they can fly, other families bringing their little ones home. Yes there are times I want to call everyone to start blowing the ballooons, bake the cake. "We are having a pity party!" But I dont. I know that we are where God wants us to be. We said "Yes" to His call in our lives. He didnt say how or when. We know that He is still at work and that when it is the right time it will happen.

Our little girl will be celebrating her 4th birthday this upcoming week. I am choosing instead to dwell on what is true.

What is true?
1- Little G is in a wonderful Orphanage. She gets aqua therapy, horseback riding therapies, psychologist on staff and rides in the van to a special preschool 3 days a week.
2- She had eye surgery at a year old to remove cataracts and the lenses. She is legally blind without her glasses but we are so thankful that the surgery was done when she was little.
3-we have all the funds to travel- God provided what we needed when we needed it every step of the way!
4- we are ready for her to come home. When we get "the phone call" we are ready to go.
5- we dont have to worry about her being taken to an institution. Unlinke the little ones in Orphanages in other countries She is just fine.

All that really matters is that she needs a family and we said yes.

Please continue to pray and cry out for us and our "little G". There are many times that my focus isnt where it needs to be and I feel weak, weary.......

Fall projects

Well I have projects on my list. Dont we all. Our Fall weather was a little crazy. Stayed warm and humid so the painting projects kept waiting for it to cool off and have a sunny day. Then it snapped cool, or should I say cold. For this Florida girl there is a fine line between cooling off and getting cold! I am waiting for it to warm up a bit so Eric and I can work on aplying the primer to the cabinet doors. I started this project this summer. I bought the handles and Im ready to just get it done and marked off my list. It will be a dramatic change - I think I will really like it once its done. Maybe today I will have a few drawers complete so Eric can drill the holes and put the beautiful handles on them. Maybe once its done DH will want to save the money to get the new countertops and farmhouse sink Im drooling over. Im also planning on touching up some baseboards and doors while I have the white enamel paint out. Dogs and boys......
The next project is sewing drapes. I have the rods- on clearance at Target. I made the Valences last summer. So all I have left to do before I can start sewing is purchase the lining. I guess since I live in Florida the drapes have to be lined. Oh well. I know I need to just do it right. It seems pretty straight forward so I am hoping to "just do it". that is my main problem. I have ideas and projects but I have a hard time starting and completing a task. As I mature (no getting older here!) I am getting better in this area of weakness. Im hoping when the in-laws get here in a few weeks they will have surprises waiting on them.


No adoption news. Thats all I have to say about that. God knows how my heart aches and He continues to be my strength and my shield. I will rest in Him. Under His wings. I am so very thankful to have met Nanny. She is the daughter of the family we will stay with in Ecuador. They work for SIFAT and our church has joined them over five years in a row doing missions trips each summer. They are like family to our church. I have only met them in passing but my oldest son got to go to Ecuador a few summers ago. She was such an encouragement last night and prayed with me and held me while I sobbed. They are excited to be a part of our adventure and have been praying for us and "little G". I cant wait to meet the WHOLE family. (she showed me pictures of her brothers and their families) What an exciting time to look forward to.

The Message

I have a dear friend.
Rather worn and coming apart at the seams- literally.
I got this version of the Bible back before I was diagnosed with Lyme disease. I did a mural for some friends opening a Christian book store and they overheard my comments about wanting one. This was their thank you. Well, my husband accepted a job in Ft Lauderdale and we spent a year and a half living 12 hours apart waiting for our house to sell here, him living in a camper there. We drove back and forth, homeschooling made the traveling easier. Well in the midst of all that turmiol I went to the Dr and told her how tired and worn down I was. I had bloodwork done and tested positive for Lyme disease, Epstein Barre titers were elevated and Human Parvo titers elevated as well as anemic....... I guess I was feeling a bit run down! This Bible became such a breath of fresh air. I still love the KJV because its familiar. Its what I memorized as a child. But sometimes this dear friend has a way of making me laugh, taking my breath away, bringing new insight to truths Ive been pondering. Through our adoption journey Its lost its spine and back cover. I called the publisher to request a replacement. They promptly sent one but I couldnt bring myself to using it. I instead gave it to my 15 yo son. I pray that he grows to love his as much as I do mine. A few Sundays ago someone saw me fanning myself with the back cover, she laughed and asked if I had it special made to do that..... its perfect for when you are having a "personal season"!!
I may try to find a carrier of something to put it in to protect it from further damage.........

Today I read:

" Are you tired?
Worn out?
Burned out on religion?

Come to me.

Get away with me and you'll recover your life.
I'll show you how to take a real rest.
Walk with me and work with me- watch how I do it.
Learn the unforced rhythms of grace.
I wont lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you.
Keep company with me and you'll learn to live freely and lightly."

- Matthew 11:28-30

Ahhhh my sweet sweet Savior.
Just what I needed.

E-mail chain letters

Im not one for all those chain letters you get. Say a prayer send it to 5 or ten or fifteen people and something special will happen..... I got one from a dear friend this morning and I love the sentiment inside. Let me share it with you.

May today there be peace within.
May you trust that you are exactly where you are meant to be.
May you not forget the infinite possibilities born of faith in yourself and others.
May you use the gifts that you have recieved and pass on the love that has been given to you. May you be content with yourself just the way you are.
Let this knowledge settle into your bones, and allow your soul the freedom to sing, dance, praise and love.
It is there for each and every one of us.

Immigrations

You may choose to look the other way
but you can never say again that you did not know.
- Nelson Mandela

I just want to say we have the most wonderful officer at the immigrations office trying to get our case signed off on. I called her yesterday and found out that the letter we got in the mail was mailed out before they talked to the Consular at the Embassy. SO its null and void. We will get a letter to rescind it. No big deal. I knew we had to get the letter from Ecuador. We are in the same place. She is ready to just get it passed through as soon as we get the letter. I have her fax number and an e-mail address to get it to her quickly.

I called my adoption agency director to discuss it. She was sad. Two steps forward one step back.

We have a real deadline to get the paperwork turned in to the immigrations office without having to do more paperwork. December 17th.

We talked about how we would work things now that the Holidays are around the corner and the process taking 6-8 weeks once we fly to Ecuador. Baby steps. No word if there was a meeting last week. I had really thought since it was coming from someone new that it would be the truth. That we really would get word that it was done.

I still feel optimistic but almost in a detached way.
I just dont know if I can think that we will celebrate her birthday with her on the 24th.
It will be interesting to see how this all comes together.

I-heart.

I went with the youth group to see Hillsong United's new documentary film in Gulf Shores, AL. It was a great time and the film was so moving. They are a band that travels worldwide to sing praise and worship music. They were restless in the fact that on the way to the hotel or the concert venue they saw the poverty and pain in other cultures and wondered if their music was really all that they should be doing. Did it have an effect on the crowds or those around them? It was such a deep film that I am still running it around in my head and heart........

Here's a verse they quoted:
Amos 5:21-24 Message
"I cant stand your religious meetings.
I'm fed up with your conferences and conventions.
I want nothing to do with your religious projects, your pretentious slogans and goals.
I'm sick of your fund-raising schemes, your public relations and image making.
Ive had all I can take of your noisy ego-music.
When was the last time you sang to ME?"

I pray many of the youth were able to soak in the message.
I pray that our youth pastor will be able to use it as a starting point with our teens. Our church is already a missions orientated church. We build wheelchair ramps in the community and have many benevolence outreaches. Our Youth group also has a week of outreach each summer and don't forget the missions trips to Ecuador!

Adoption update:
We got the I-800 approval in the mail Wednesday evening. I didn't think anything of it since last week our officer said we would have to wait for Ecuador to sign off on the papers first. SO I thought this "provisional approval" notice meant,"we have your papers and it will be approved when we get all the information we have requested". My adoption agency director called yesterday and said "Guess what, I just got a notice from Immigrations." She was all excited."Yeah we got one of those yesterday" I replied. no big deal right? "I thought you would've called me!" She said all excited. "Well it doesn't really mean anything. (long pause) does it?" I said/ asked. "Yes! It just means its provisional until she is a citizen!" Who knew?!

Its a good thing I can laugh at myself.... really.
Ive placed a call in to our officer to see if she knows something we don't.

You know, Ecuador said they would sign off on it last week - then we hear nothing before they take a Holiday. Ive been praying they did it and just hadn't told anyone yet. ;)

So I will close for today. This is a moving quote from I-heart.

I am only one, but still I am one.
I cannot do everything,
but still I can do something;
I will not refuse to do something I can do." - Helen Keller

Worry

"If there is no solution to the problem dont waste time worrying about it. If there is a solution to the problem dont waste time worrying about it." This was just sent to me from a friend in Italy. She adopted a sweet little one this year. What great advice.

I even know there are several scriptures in the Bible about worrying. I know it wont help.

Just tired of being in the waiting place. Still no word.

I have been really working hard at enjoying the time with friends and family. Having special nights out with my hubby and such. I know once things work out that I will be glad that we did. But its so hard to keep my mind focused in the right direction.

Back to that place of having the knowledge in my head but getting it to the application phase.

Food & family

So Im not much of a Chef but I have really enjoyed watching food network lately. Our favorite of course is Alton Brown. Tonight we made the 40 clove chicken recipe. So easy but start cooking it so that you arent starving to death as you smell the chicken and 40 cloves of garlic roasting in the oven! Divine. I also made mock mashed potatoes. Boil the cauliflower, drain , add cream cheese and butter and puree. Then we added salt and pepper. Thanks Food Network. Easy and yummy dinner. I tend to use all my creative energy in other places instead of the kitchen.


If you are checking in for Adoption update. We havent heard from the Council yet. We were told 2 weeks ago that it would be signed off on last week. I am praying with all thats in me that it was signed off on but due to it being in another country, same time zone which is fun to help us remember when to pray.

We did hear from our immigrations officer four times this week. This moves me when I think of someone in a govt office working so hard for us to bring "little G" home. They will approve it once Ecuador signs off on it. She said this was only the second adoption to come her way from ecuador so she is learning the ropes. They talked to the Consular at the Embassy and it sounded like they talked like it was going to be signed off on as a matter of fact.

We also heard from the family that we had planned to stay with in Ecuador. Seems like that isnt working out, but I trust God to know whats best. I was concerned about the money issues to stay at the guesthouse and today a dear friend at church said that they had donated to our fund this morning. (God just sold their house and they will be moving in 2 weeks!) I told my husband I felt like God was saying,"just let me take care of it. Its going to be okay." I will miss that friend terribly, but I am so thankful that God has allowed a miracle in their life so she can be closer to her family.

Huge praises- I have been asked to submit a bid on a mural for our church's nursery and I got a grant to teach art classes in the DJJ system! Not knowing how God will work out the timing.....

I keep praying we can celebrate "Little G's" 4th birthday with her. Its the 24th of Nov. That is my desire.

Immigration approval!

Just wanted you to know that I just got off the phone with our immigration officer. She said we had waited long enough and she was going to give us the approval so that the paperwork could be sent for article 5 approval then off to the Embassy in Ecuador! this was after I explained that "little G's" case was proposed to our agency since she is considered hard to place. So we were matched here in the US not in Ecuador. For a typical adoption the paperwork is sent and Ecuador matches you with a child. So we dont have a document from Ecuador matching us with "little G". Our officer said if it looked like we needed supporting documents they would let us know. So that paperwork will be moving while we wait on the council to meet again. Weve been told this week. Usually the council meets on Wed. or Thur.
Im going to unpack and repack her suitcase. Its usually good therapy for me.......

A Day of rest

Today I am enjoying a day of rest.
I havent had anything to write lately.
How can I blog about Down Syndrome when My little one is so far away?
I have heard good news about our wait but I just cannot really think about it. We have been told so many things so many times in the past year and I really want someone to blame. But I think this is the place in my life that I am learning that really it doesnt matter, God is in control. He has a plan. NO matter what happens it is my choice to keep trusting Him and that no one on this earth has the power to change His plans for me our our sweet "little G". I have gotten pictures of her this week and last week. Some were from the orphanage- her dressed for school in her uniform and wearing her glasses. So very cute. The others were sent to me from a family in Sweden that adopted one of her friends. They are holding hands across the table.(so now we have others praying in Sweden!) God continues to send hugs to us this way and I trust that He wants Grace to have a family.
I am praying we can be in Ecuador for her birthday? Maybe? November 24th she will turn 4 years old.

Waiting on a Miracle

Just an update to let you know I have nothing to say. Still waiting on a miracle!
I hope to hear from our adoption agency soon to know if the council heard our plea for mercy.
Just hoping things work out so that we can see our "little G" soon.

So, Sweet Dreams little one

Ques suenes con los angeletos
"dream with the little angels"

Check this out

http://www.onetruemedia.com/shared?p=9b08ab7214bb71b4b33e33&skin_id=801&utm_source=otm&utm_medium=text_url

Persevere

I just couldnt help posting about this timely message.
You see, this was the "message" in youth group service last night.
Ive been going to Hear "E" play bass guitar in Youth group and be an extra set of eyes and hands. I have assured "E" that once we get "Little G " home it may come to an end. (I think he tried to hide a smile.....)

Perseverance.

What a nice word.
It applies to so many things in my life right now.
Since Im blogging about our adoption and Down Syndrome awareness I just knew it would be the post for today.
Perseverance n. : the action or condition or an insistance of persevering: steadfastness.
Persevere: to persist in a state, enterprise, or undertaking in spite of difficulties, counter influences, opposition, or discouragement.

Oh how I love that, Steady persistance in a course of action....

So the scripture reading was about Joseph. Genesis 37.... read it if you dont remember. You know the one, the youngest of was it twelve??? Loved by his father and sold into slavery by his brothers.... Sold into slavery. Then harassed by his bosses wife, wrongly accused and thrown into jail.
FORGOTTEN.
Or so it seems.
But God had not forgotten him.
Two years later a former inmate remembers him and through a chain of events he becomes second in charge!!!!

The message was ended by talking about no matter if youve been betrayed, hurt, lied to..... God knows.
Keep your focus on Jesus Christ.
Just focus on him...... and STOP acting like you are broken.
STOP being broken........

I will end this post to ask if anyone is out there and reads this, please pray for our adoption process and for "Little G" . The news I have gotten this morning breaks my heart and it seems like it may take a miracle to bring her home.

I am so thankful that I know a miracle worker.
In fact, He is my best friend.
I choose to persevere.
And focus on Him.

Wordless Wednesday

Hubby and Great Dane having a talk......


Husband at Powerlifting meet - 1st place Masters division
650lb squat



$250 VW part!!!! (thats a fuel pump in case you didnt know!)

Homecoming...... thats my son!

My mom and Dad with "E"

Princess........

"not me" Mondays

Okay so Ive seen a trend and Im not sure if Im supposed to "follow" a blog to do this. I thought it was cute and dont know what to write other than.

"it wasnt me" that sat in my PJs until noon reading blogs about families and how Ds affects their lives! Nope not me!

I also didnt call the Adoption agency director about our adoption...... since I said I wouldnt.

Sundays post

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-cA3t1HW1Ow

Let me just say..... I thought I posted! Really... I did!!

Just a few thoughts

Today is full. Completely, utterly cram packed with action........
Our youngest is going to homecoming........ yes, with a girl. And there will be dancing, corsages, and going out to dinner without parents in tow. ( we did the shopping adventure the other day and he is NOT a shopper. Never has been. I feel bad for his future wife.) While I am waiting on him to inhale his lunch so we can pick up her corsage before the florist closes I thought I might want to post todays thoughts.

First, our adoption Bible verse:

Proverbs 24:12 "Once our eyes are opened we cant pretend we dont know what to do. God, who weighs our hearts and keeps our souls, knows that we know, and holds us responsible to act.

These are also wonderful verses that are written all over the folders FULL of important papers. Three of them!!!!


1Samuel 1:27 " For this child I prayed, and the Lord has given me my petition which I asked of Him."

Proverbs 31:8-9 "Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves, for the rights of all who are destitute- Speak up and judge fairly. Defend the rights of the poor and needy."

James 1:27 "Religion pure and undefiled with God and father is this, to look after orphans and widows in their tribulation- unspotted to keep himself from the world."

Hosea 14:3 " In you the orphan finds mercy. "

Psalm 68:5-6 "Father to the fatherless, defender of widows- this is God, whose dwelling is Holy. God places the lonely in families."

Matthew 18:5 "And anyone who welcomes a little child like this on my behalf is welcoming me."

Isiah 43:5-6 "Do not be afraid for I am with you,
I will bring your children from the East and gather you up from the West.
I will say to the North, "Give them up!" and to the South, "Do not hold them back!"
Bring my sons from afar and my daughters from the ends of the earth."

Proverbs 25:25 "Like cold water to a weary soul, is good news from a distant land.


And I close with this one.
I know this is a favorite by many but I choose this verse to be for my "little G"
God loved her before I knew her. He knew her while she was being knit in her mothers womb!!

Jeremiah 29:9-14a NIV
"For I know the plans I have for you declares the LORD, "Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you." Declares the LORD "

"Little G"

So, since our little one isnt home let me tell you a little bit that I know about her.I love the "thoughts" of her so much. Yet dont "know her" as a person.

Through a chain of events we ended up here. Adoption. Then choosing to adopt a child with "special-ness" Its just what we were meant to do. We chose a child from Ecuador since going through our system wasnt an option. (our church is very involved in Ecuador and many have learned Spanish as a result) There wasnt a little girl on Reeces Rainbow.... so I asked around. And we found HER. You know.... "The one" I know she looks nothing like us. But sometimes when I look at one of the pics I have of her it makes me think of the pics of me at that age. Glasses and ponytails. And DH does have dark hair. We arent supposed to share pics of our little ones and many dont share names. She isnt "ours" yet. But a little painting of a picture will do wont it?????

"Little G" was born in a hospital on Nov 24th 2005. Her mother checked out of the hospital but didnt take her home with her. I am thankful that she knew that she couldnt do this and left our little one in a safe place. At 5 days old she went to the Orphanage. I actually got an e-mail from the family that picked her up at the hospital and named her. What a treasure. Her name is beautiful!!!!! (Im sure your first guess will be it!)

She was born with cataracts which were removed around one year of age. They tried contacts but she kept getting eye infections. She has worn glasses to replace the lenses and we hope that we can make progress with that here in the states. One thing that is hard for us is that the Orphanage doesnt keep her glasses on her. They cant afford to replace them. I am not sure how they decide when. But since Christmas, when she started walking, we rarely get pics with them on her. :( You know, she is blind without them...... sigh

Her medicals also show a heart murmur that they are watching and letting close on its own. She started walking at 39 mos because of her Lax hips. When our Adoption Director visited in Aug she said that "little G" was always moving and very busy. I also heard form an adoptive mother that "little G" wanders around with her arms outstretched wanting to be picked up and loves to be held. Sounds perfect doesnt it?

"little G" isnt speaking yet but can point to body parts when asked and a few other things. (of course she is asked these things in Spanish!) Which we are trying to learn. My daughter and I know sign language and we are hoping that we can start ASAP to facilitate communication. I also want to make a comunication board and possibly a book to take to Ecuador with us so maybe she can point at a pic for me to know what she wants/ needs. It shall be fun.

She gets to go to a special preschool 3 days a week and they say she has "blossomed" since starting.

I have learned alot through this journey and just hope and pray we can get her home very soon....anthat she will love her Dora bedroom and her new family.

31 for 21

So Ive still been reading blogs on the list of bloggers doing the "31 for 21" thing. I have enjoyed reading them so much. But Im only at number 35 out of 118 on the list! Wowee Zowee Batman!

Wonderful Wednesday

Just wanted to let you all know that today was a beautiful, busy, and fun day.
Got up and helped Eric home school.
Went to my first "art class" in over five years. The teacher was great. She just let me do my own thing and seemed to appreciate what I was working on even though it wasnt her style. I liked her and think it will stay on my schedule to get me out of the house and doing something that God has gifted me to do.......
I went to UWF for a conference on disabilites and it ended up being over... .they said it went until 3pm but at 2:15 everyone was packing up. I did catch up with one person and ended up with three pamphlets for three different services. Not too shabby since I missed it!!! ha ha! So I may make few phone calls tomorrow.
Had a friend on my mind as I was headed to the mall to see if I could find things for "E" for homecoming. Come to find out she was at the same mall so we hooked up! Was way amazing. We then went to TJ Max to hunt some more and then Starbucks. Had a great catch up time and I felt so blessed.
Then my mother called to see how we were doing. I didnt have the heart to tell her church was starting soon and sat outside and enjoyed hearing her voice. Theres nothing like a mother is there?!
Went in for Worship with our FAB youth group. I was so blessed as several of my Peeps asked how I was..... I could tell they really meant it. So I let myself go a bit and cry out some tears that were tired of being held in. I think they understood. I really am okay. I really trust God to know whats best for "little G" and for us. He has made sure she is loved, and in the best orphanage possible. I am just so sad at missing out on her 3rd year...... it really breaks my heart that she has a perfectly good family waiting for her....... I hear the orphanages are having to turn little ones away since they have been so backlogged. I pray this is a rumor and not the case. Our lawyer went to the New council director and took the the old director along. Hen eloquently spoke of the need to get the adoptions moving. I pray he hit a sensitive spot. We have a 45 day deadline for our immigration paperwork.......... sigh.

It was a great day.
Filled with my sisters in Chist and love......
BTW.... did I tell you DH bought me Pansies on Tuesday????
Now what guy just brings home three trays of pansies "just because?" He kills me........

31 for 21- How much fun!

Okay, Im going to have to set a timer and allot a certain amount of time Im allowed to read other blogs. Ive been enjoying reading the stories and seeing beautiful little families loving each other and loving life. This has been a treat and I thank everyone for a glimpse of your reality.
I hope you stop by and leave a post......

Today and yesterday were filled with Home schooling, guitar lessons, sewing little felt dolls- see previous post, cooking and laundry, organizing "little G's " room.( yes again.) My sister just moved and sent the most wonderful outgrown toys, books, TV shelf..... if only we could knock a wall out and add onto the room! ha ha! If only I had a little girl sleeping in there......

Hopefully soon.

You are preaching your own Eulogy each day of your life!

So yesterday was such a busy day that I wasnt able to post. Not near a computer..... but living life......loving life! So in the 31 for 21 count.... this counts as Sundays post. I will post this eve for today.
We went to church. What a moving experience. This was the second Sunday in our new sanctuary. It is such a beautiful place to gather to worship. It was communion Sunday and I loved praying with my husband at the beautiful altars. I am finding a deep need to be in this place and with these people. My heart aches..... and they have been "family" for so long. Just being there makes me feel like Im at home. This quote, title for Sunday, is from our pastors sermon. It may be paraphrased. My brain has a way of doing that.......
We came home to change clothes and drive to Mississippi to see my sister and her family. What a great day! The drive was horrible. My husband is an awesome driver. Its everyone else that really pushes me over the edge. Pouring rain....... was hard on this nervous person. But we made it there in one piece and she had food ready for lunch at 2pm! They have lived in Japan for too many years....... we enjoyed the fried rice and corn soup. Then Pizza for dinner! She had boxes of things to bring home for "little G ". Today in between schooling and guitar lessons I will sort and store things. I am moved by her generosity.... their willingness to share with a little girl they have never met.......... My sister has always been the most generous person Ive ever been around. She is teaching the girls those same traits. My heart was full when they brought out a little Japanese backpack with pages of stickers in it for "Little G". It was all I could do to not cry. I cant wait for them to come and stay the weekend in "little G"s room. it is quite a bit smaller than they are used to. But I have beds ready and waiting.

What Ive been up to lately

Well, we have been preparing to fly to visit the Orphanage and I wanted gifts to give the children in the Toddler house and for the Tias. I hunted around the internet and found a few ideas at "Purl Bee" website. Sorry I havent figured out how to link things. Ive tried.... and given up.

The first project is felt dolls. The pattern was designed by a lady that sells her stuff on Etsy named Mimi and shared a simplified pattern with Purl Bee. Its kept me busy and I havent gotten much knitting done as a result...... I am going to tweak the pattern to make little boy soccer players for the boys. Then leave the extras for the psych. team to give children that have just arrived and need therapies etc.

I'll post pics later for the Tia's gifts.

21 for 31

Okay, so I just signed up to blog the whole month of October.
I know, I am laughing too! I mean really, I can do things.
I can do some things fairly well.
But blogging. Not so much.
SO here it goes. Ive already gotten behind because, well, we werent a family with a loved one that had Down Syndrome last year. So I didnt know.......
So last year this time I was the excited parent to be. The excited Adoptive parent to be if you want to be technical about it all. Stars in my eyes. Ink not yet dry on the application form and fees sent. "oh, she is so special you will have her home by Januruary." But we are dealing with a third world country. New Hague laws. And newly elected officals...... Fall turned into winter turned into Spring turned into summer and now I smell fall in the air again. The newness and the excitement are mixed with a dull ache. A "little G "sized hole in my heart. The empty room ....... the clothes....... the toys. Waiting for a sweet little girl that has captured our heart.
The first pictures we saw of "little G" were the cutest ever! Such big eyes....behind such big glasses, cute little waterfall on the top of her head.(you know that little bunch of hair) She aged six months from that day to the next update we got all in one fell swoop. Then the months have ticked past and she has learned so much. She is now walking and drinks from a straw. (part of her therapy is to blow bubbles with the straw in her drink Im told)
I just got a new update yesterday. new pictures. New stories about a little girl that visits me in my dreams........ sigh. I dont get as excited as I used to when we got a new update. TO see how much she has changed hurts. I WANT her to be making milestones and learning new things. I just wanted to be part of the crowd cheering her on.
We are supposedly so close as far as the paperwork is considered. But her country is so far away. And weve been in this same place, waiting since April. (and were told then that we'd hear something within two weeks )
I am tired.
I amWeary.
Iam Worn down.
Yet.... still trusting that this is where God wants us.
And here I will remain until we bring "little G" home.

Through the Looking Glass- Our perspective

I was just reading a fellow bloggers post (Down with OZ) about Down Syndrome and the reactions and stares from others.I had to smile. I pray no one has seen us when we forget our manners.... when I see a child with Down Syndrome I wonder "do I say something?" "Do they want to be left alone?" You know the thoughts... I just nod and smile and see where it leads. Many times I think I must be thought of as "a little off" . Some lady held her child tighter after I told her how beautiful her son was...... huh......I know, these days you never know. But really? Really?

So back to my story. I read this blog and just had to share. Husband was in "big box store" (they can pay for their advertising..... no freebies here!!!!) He happened to run into Married daughter. They were chatting it up and a mother and her 18 year old daughter happened by. Husband does a double take. "Hey, she has Down Syndrome!" (or something of the sort) He is so excited, beaming from ear to ear. So, if you are a parent or family member of someone that just happens to have an extra chromosome. Just know that we dont mean to offend you. We just get so excited that we forget our manners. Really.... we have waited over a year now to bring a special little person into our family. We mean no harm..........

Awesome!

So I am posting a picture of the double rianbow I got to drive under on the way home Monday afternoon. It was so briliant as I came across the I-110 bridge I just kept laughing and telling God how awesome Magnificient and Grand He was..... I dont know..... do you think God likes hearing compliments on his artwork like I do? Well I told him anyhow..... "Man You really outdid yourself this time.... " I dont know if I have Ever seen such a vinbrant double FULL rainbow before.....I pulled over and got cell pics but weve been having trouble getting pics off the phone. Thankfully I found this pic of it on our local news website. It doesnt do it justice but I tell you........ I cant wait to meet Him! Plus the Revelation song was playing!!!!

Been having ups and downs with the adoption but that isnt slowing me down. God is still God. I am right where I am supposed to be and rest in that. Today should be "the day" the Childrens Council meets for our approval. But last week we got the call from our agency telling us that they were meeting the next day, we'd get approval and start with the next things on our list. So I called everyone and started preparations in full steam ahead mode. Was a little too quick so it was a huge blow to get the call that the Council in fact Did not meet and would meet a week later. I lost it. It wasnt pretty. So after a thorough exam at the Dr. I am moving forward.

We tried not to let it drag us down but after several nights of no sleep because of the excitement then the sadness we just werent up to celebrating much over the weekend. Yes it was our 22nd Anniversary on the 12th. I love him more now than I did then and am glad that He is the one I get to grow old with.

Our Immigrations paperwork was sent in last week and that takes 10 days to process at the Lockbox facility and then is sent on to the next office. I am not sure how long it takes there but I called and they think maybe first part of next week they will have our paperwork to start on it. Sigh.......

September first

Well we are home again after a little trip to Tampa and then Orlando. P had meetings with DJJ there and we left E with his grandparents. The Hotel was FAB! There was an Emeril restaraunt downstairs and we splurged on dinner the last night. The food was great! We took the river taxi over to City Walk and got frozen yogurt for dessert and enjoyed just being together.

While I was done I knit several small things and started a little Shrug.

P met up with some Gym buddies in Bradenton and My sister in Law and mother in law rode with us so we could go by " A Yarn Outlet" in Oneco. I was sad to find out they had more fabric than yarn. the selection was INCREDIBLE and I couldnt resist a few fat quarters, some size 2 double pointed needles and two skeins of yarn. We had taken the Jetta in to have the transmission worked on Again so I was nervous to spend more money. Needless to say it wasnt pretty, after 4 years of being a proud VW owner the novelty is wearing off.

E is starting guitar lessons to hone his skills on the Bass for youth band and we are starting 10th grade. This will be my fourth time so maybe I will learn something this go around. He is a willing and eager student so I look forward to the time we will share getting him ready for PJC.

August

Hey! When did a new month get here?!

Probably while I was still celebrating my birthday and forgetting that each new day was a tick on the calendar. So a week later and I had gained weight (too much eating out and desserts!) but my birthday was throughly celebrated and off we go to Ga for a trip to my parents. On the way there we ate Dinner at the first Chick-fil-A outside Atlanta. I had heard of it , being chick fil a fans but this wastotally by accident. I was excited as I had it on my "places to visit" list. Had a short little jaunt to Dahlonega and enjoyed the Hummingbirds, the Falls- went up for a walk on Sat. Church service on Sunday was just wonderful. They sing the old Hymns and are traditional. Whereas we are contemporary....... each has its pluses. I loved singing songs that I hadnt sang in like, ten years! ( I have to call Mom and see how service was yesterday. They were having service up at the falls! How great is that!)

We came home to finish off youth week at our church. Went to Mobile, Al and did some community service. Then they had a party in the evening. Friday they built a wheelchair ramp and then Sat several went to someones house instead of out to the beach. I guess E isnt a beach person.

While in Ga We put up green beans and peaches- since the corn wasnt ready they sent us home with corn they had put up, some peas and okra. Yummm...... But I gained even more weight! I sure hope all this housework waiting on me will help me get the extra lbs I found off!!!!!! Plus I am not like my mother. We dont have dessert every evening!

So, adoption update. Jaci sent new pictures and updates while she was in Ecuador. First off our adoption is NOT dependant on her getting her new accreditation approved. That is very good. At this rate there is no telling how long it will take them. She said the hold up was that the council was deciding the details on the home visits we are required to have post placement. That was completed at that meeting we were waiting on so she hoped things would move real fast. She was going to work on getting the I-800 done. We should hear about our grant with Show Hope the end of the month.

Waiting and sewing

Just an update. NO news yet! But adoption agency director said she would share her acid relief tablets with me.
Made little G a book to send with a story I wrote. Adoption agency director flies this weekend. Also sent the cutest little doll made by carters.
I also am working on a project called a Buttercup bag. This is another free pattern by the same Talented person that made the Itty Bitty Baby dress that I made nine of back in May for little G. I ended up sharing a few since..... well it did seem like too many..... and they are just hanging in the closet. Thankfully Hannah loves them, they fit perfect- we all know how pretty little girls feel in a dress made just for them!

Cake and even more happy thoughts!

Just wanted to let you know we are waiting to hear good news from the Childrens Council. They met on Thursday and the lawyer in Ecuador spoke with the head of the council and she said things went "excellent". She said the whole council would meet Tuesday- tomorrow and we should hear good news. Now I am not quite sure if its good news about our agencies accreditation or the "stamp of approval" for us to travel. Just one or both would be great.
Our Church's Ecuador mission group comes home today. I cant wait to see and hear of thier wonderful stories. I cant wait to see Mama Yolis for myself when we travel. She was a beautiful peorson and touched many lives. My teenagers to name a few. I sent a few gifts to the Orphanage and hope they got to "little G" safe and sound.
Im turning 39 again today so Im off to enjoy life and looking forward to the cake my husband made yesterday. (Thank you Alton Brown for the wonderful recipe! "P" is an Alton fan.......)

Thinking happy thoughts

I have just completed a beautiful knitting project Called "Mary Mary"

and the beret called "tickle" for our precious "little G".

I also started "Blossom" which will be a matching red dress.

I am just praying she doesn't grow out of another size of clothing

before we get to bring out little princess home from Ecuador.

The patterns are in a book by Louisa Harding called "Bizu bizoo".

(Means "Kisses Kisses" in French.)

I would love to knit all little girl patterns in the book

I was so excited to see the sizes went from infant to 3T.

Since I know I will be a grandma one day-"Ya- ya" I hope.

I know the book will be one that will get much use.

SO far the directions are well written and I recommend it!

Although in the hat and the dress Ive started

I am choosing to knit in the round

instead of the way the pattern is written

to eliminate the need for sewing it up in the end.

Why if its not necessary??

No news on the adoption front.

I have been doing pretty well at remaining optimistic lately

and not so many tears.

God sent me a few special pick-me-ups

this afternoon as I was helping oldest daughter get to work.

A favorite song came on "Waiting"

I was doing my best at the Karaoke as I drove.......

and there was a billboard.

"Patiently wait on God"

( I felt like the movie Eagle Eye)

Only God speaking in a HUGE voice.

I didn't know that God was really just encouraging me

before the rug got pulled out from under us.

I found out a couple had withdrew from their adoption

because their paperwork process was being difficult in Ecuador

and their agency is also having trouble getting their Hague accreditation renewal....

like our agency.

I am not sure why they decided to withdraw

when its only been 3 months since they have received their referral.

It doesn't really mean anything for us..... just FELT bad.

(this is the second family that I know of that has done this)

Then right before bed I checked my e-mail again.

(note to self: "Do not, repeat, Do Not check e-mail before bed!")

The only agency in Canada doing adoptions in Ecuador filed bankruptcy.

From what I understand this means these families have lost their money

and potential children no matter where they are in the process.

I will be making sure about the details.

Again, this means nothing for our adoption.

But it FEELS horrible.

How are we any better than they are?

I keep trusting that God has not shut the door

and we do keep taking baby steps forward.

We keep developing the character

that is what we need as an "end result"

to prepare us for eternity.

Thinking happy thoughts.

One foot in front of the other.

That is all this life is about.......

(this post was edited on March 7,2012 to add photos we had

but legally werent allowed to share)

This post has been "most visited on my blog" and I felt like adding photos

might add interest to those visiting years later.

Under His wings,

Anna

Adoption update

Lets just start this off by saying, " Yes, we are still waiting."
(I really do need to have a button made to wear when I am out)


New news for today is hopeful. My adoption agency said she recieved our daughters paperwork and is having it translated. Once that is done we can work on the last huge form sent to the USCIS (U.S. customs and Immigration services) I did call that office today to ask questions about the two forms that I need to work on and thankfully they are very efficient and she helped me immensly. So that started the day off on a good note.



Our adoption agency has recieved "little G's" papers from the lawyer in Ecuador and is sending them to be officially translated. (The translator was very moved by our adoption so I was told)Once she gets the translations we will have a phone conversation to get the rest of the last big form with the USCIS done. (I-800) That will go in the mail and once that is processed we are ready on this end to travel. I am not sure what the hold up is on the Ecuador end for our approval but until we get this done I suppose it doesnt matter. I had thought that we needed the approval to get "little G's " papers. So today I am feeling happy knowing we are taking one more little baby step closer to bringing her home!So maybe about the time we get everything together on our end they will have our approval as well! We also will hear from Show Hope about our adoption grant application and if thats Gods will we may get a grant to help pay for our travel expenses. the whole process has been beyond my wildest imagination. I have always known how BIG God is. But knowing things and living it out is so different.

Heres a sweet poem someone listed on our Adoption group. I dont know the name of the author, sorry. It is applicable for so many other places we may find ourselves waiting on God for an answer. I hope it touches someone else like it has me:

Desperately, helplessly, longingly I cried;
Quietly, patiently, lovingly God replied.

I pled and I wept for a clue to my fate....
and the Master so gently said, "Wait."

"Wait? You say wait?" My indignant reply.
"Lord, I need answers, I need to know why!
Is your hand shortened?
Or have you not heard?
By faith I have asked,
and Im claiming your Word."

My future and all to which I relate
Hangs in the balance and you tell me to wait?
I'm needing a 'yes', a go-ahead sign.
Or even a 'No', to which I'll resign.

You promised, dear Lord, that if we believed,
We need to but ask, and we shall receive.
Lord, Ive been asking, and this is my cry;
I'm weary of asking! I need a reply."

Then quietly, softly, I learned of my fate
as my Master replied again. "Wait."
So, I slumped in my chair, defeated and taut,
and I grumbled to God, "So, I'm waiting...... for what?"

He seemed then to kneel,
and His eyes met mine...
and He tenderly said, "I could give you a sign.
I could shake the heavens and darken the sun.
I could raise the dead and cause mountains to run.
I could give you all you seek and pleased you would be.
You'd have what you want, but you wouldnt know me.
You'd not know the depth of My love for each saint.
You'd not know the power that I give to the faint.
You'd not learn to see through clouds of despair,
You'd not learn to trust just by knowing I'm there.

You'd not know the joy of resting in me.
when darkness and silence are all you can see.
You'd never experience the fullness of love
when the peace of My Spirit descends like a dove.
You would know that I give, and I save, for a start,
but you'd not know the depth of the beat of my heart.

The glow of my comfort late into the night
the faith that I give you when you walk without sight.
The depth that's beyond getting just what you ask
from an infinite God who makes what you have last.

You'd never know should your pain quickly flee,
what it means that My grace is sufficient for thee.

Yes, your dearest dreams overnight would come true,
But oh, the loss if I lost what I'm doing in you.
So,
Be silent my child.
and in time you will see,
that the greatest of gifts,
is to truly know me.

Though oft my answers seem terribly late,
My most precious answer of all is still, "Wait."

Okay, so can I blog twice in one day???

So I am wondering if its okay to blog twice in one day?

(I guess I'll know if the blogging police show up at my doorstep.)

I just had to post pics of the sweetest little Angel. My story with Victoria started back in July two years ago. She has many health conditions CP, and infantile spasms to name a few. I took care of her from infancy until the time she was 8 months old. We thought we were going to be her parents. But God had other things for her future. I was invited to be at her adoption today and was so thankful I chose to "do the right thing". ( go and experience this beautiful day of celebration instead of staying home and licking my wounds) She even spoke out when the judge asked about signing off on the adoption papers!

Victoria holds a very special place in my heart and I am so thankful she has so many caring people in her life. I am so glad that I was able to release My desires for her, my hurt over not being her mother, so that our "little G" can have a family. Painful yes, but we have to open our hearts to love the way we have been taught. And we all know in loving someone you also become vounerable. I pray I have made a difference in this families life, in Victorias life......

God used her to teach me things about myself I never knew, and truthfully things I wanted to ignore.

Waiting

Waiting.... This is the place I find myself.
Choosing each day.
Seems like each minute, to trust God.
Choosing to enjoy the blessings God gives me and not let the good things get swallowed up by this black cloud hanging over my head. Knowing that He is God and not me. Taking that big-ness to heart and letting it pour over me instead of the lies and condemnation. Those things are not true and I have to choose to apply God's word to my heart and know he is working it out on our behalf. He hasnt allowed us to know or see what is taking so long. But that doesnt mean that it isnt HUGE.
I choose to not let this thing eat so much of my emotional energy.
I choose to wait.
And be patient.
My faith is bigger.
Gods grace is bigger.
SO if you see me on the streets remind me.....

okay...so Im expectant!

Well I thought youd enjoy me laughing at myself.
Today I spent an hour on the phone trying to get through the USCIS phone system. They claim to have operators through the hours of whatever and whatever to address questions you may have. Well I tell you, I tried but I couldnt get through the system. I tried really I did.... My husband came home early to find me in tears. How can I fill out MORE paperwork if I cant figure out what the answers are they are seeking?! Then I cried while talking to my daughter about it. Twice today before 3pm. Shoot that gives me seven more hours! I could end up dehydrated before bedtime at that rate!!!!
A church friend asked me if there was anything she could do to help. What was wrong....
My reply: "Hormones. Remember, Im expectant!"

Sometimes you just have to laugh at yourself to keep from crying......

Although,
I have been known to laugh and cry at the same time.........

Living today

Well June is here.

We have been having exciting adventures that involve new engines in cars and RATS!

That has kept me busy and kept me from spinning my wheels worrying about things I cannot change. We are still waiting on the council for news about our referral on our adoption. We did get our fingerprinting done on the 21st of May and enjoyed the trip to Metairie,La, French doughnuts, and a stop at The Shed in Ocean Springs,MS.(heard about it on Food Network!) The fingerprinting only took15 min for all three of us so it turned into a fun day away from the grind. We received our Approval on our fingerprinting in only a week so we are one step closer to meeting our new daughter.

So one thing I am learning. Just to live today and enjoy today. I know I have learned this once (maybe twice before!) I cannot make this adoption thing happen, I cannot change the wait. But I can change me and how I react. There are some days that the adoption is my focus.... not good. God needs to remain my focus if I am going to please Him. I cannot reflect Him if I am not focusing on him can I? So, I need to refocus and enjoy today- my routine daily tasks. Just like when my teens were babies and I felt lost in cooking, cleaning, changing diapers, and wiping runny noses. Those are not mundane tasks to be checked off lists. Today is a gift, I am still raising the next generation of my family. They are teens but they still need me to be available.(not distant and preoccupied!) I know this, just a little refocusing and a reminder........